Pretty Maids All in a Row

Black comedy about sex and murder at a high school. Guidance counselor Tiger McDrew (Rock Hudson) is banging many of the female students while also trying to help horny virgin Ponce de Leon Harper (John David Carson) get lucky with a hot new teacher (Angie Dickinson). Meanwhile Police Captain Sam Surcher (Telly Savalas) investigates a series of killings at the school.

Fun, sexy, and cheesy in the best way. The cast is great. Lots of pretty girls, with of course sexy MILF Dickinson the standout. The script, by Gene Roddenberry of Star Trek fame, is smart and Roger Vadim's direction is good (in his first American film). Perhaps not for all tastes and definitely not for those who take everything seriously. If you enjoy some political incorrectness in your movies, you should have no problem enjoying this.

Because I'm re-enrolling for post-graduate summer school!

This picture proves that on occasion a less-than-deep storyline doesn't prevent a film from being terrifically-entertaining. You'll be dragged along willingly and unprotestingly in the offbeat proceedings onscreen.

And Angie Dickinson (who seems to be thoroughly enjoying her part) is stunning, gentlemen ... stunning!

Recall that gorgeous teacher we all remember oh-so-well from high school? Well, here ... she ... is. And John David Carson plays, uh ... every guy who was ever in her class, okay?

Things move along smoothly in parallel plots, a strange mix of sex comedy and murder-most-foul. But it all works, and you won't forget "Pretty Maids" any easier than you ever forgot ... that long-ago teacher.

Highly recommended, for adults.

Pretty Maids All in a Row is based on a novel by Francis Pollini and has all the makings of a cult film. We've got a cast peppered with cult stars, a story involving a sex killer and some great black humour, but somehow it missed the cult film boat. The film is set in a California high school, and clearly the writers decided to throw caution to the wind where any political correctness was concerned as Pretty Maids All in a Row delights in showing Rock Hudson's teacher character getting up to allsorts with his young female students. The film basically has two main plot lines. The first of which focuses on a young man named Ponce de Leon Harper. This guy is cut up because he's seventeen and hasn't lost his virginity yet, and so turns to his teacher friend, Michael McDrew, for help. Mr McDrew decides to help Leon by hooking him up with someone; only thing is, he decides to hook him up with his English teacher, Miss Smith! Meanwhile, teenage girls are turning up dead with a note attached to their bottoms...

The black humour features throughout the film and at times is subtle, and at others; less subtle (for example, "we never have practise on the day of a murder!"), but it works really well. The cast is superb, with Rock Hudson getting the main plaudits for his central performance. He's every bit the middle aged pervert and he plays the role with relish. John David Carson is less impressive as the young kid, but still turns in a good performance. There are also roles for the likes of Telly Savalas, Roddy McDowall and Angie Dickinson. The film remains interesting for the duration due to its range of characters and various plot lines. The film actually does handle some interesting themes too; the boy losing his virginity being the main one. The sequence in which that happens is really great, too! The film doesn't work at all as a mystery - it's completely clear who the murderer is right from the start - but still, getting to the conclusion is a lot of fun. Overall, I would have to say that this film falls somewhere short of 'great', but it's certainly very good.

After years of only knowing about this movie, I finally saw it on the Dailymotion site. Since it's directed by Roger Vadim, I wasn't too surprised it showed many teen girls in sexually provocative poses. It's slightly a bit more surprising Gene Roddenberry-the creator of "Star Trek"-was the writer and producer, though the fact his series had plenty of pretty women might have been a sign. Rock Hudson is the school guidance counselor and coach who manages to get many of the female students in his office for recreation. Angie Dickinson is a substitute teacher who gets one unlucky boy-played by John David Carson-in a lucky mode, if you know what I mean. Their scenes are perhaps the funniest in the movie while much of the rest of it is only slightly amusing like principal Roddy McDowell describing one of the dead girls as a "terrific little cheerleader"! Keenan Wynn plays the not-very-bright sheriff and Telly Savalas is the detective who seems to get closer to nabbing the killer. Also of interest is one former "Star Trek" player-James Doohan-is also in this but not in his Scottish accent! I watched with bemusement throughout so on that note, I say Pretty Maids All in a Row is worth a look.

A juicy bit of 70s kitsch right here for your viewing pleasure. Rock Hudson as a horny high school coach/guidance counselor who is nailing every girl in sight. This man is so hip, he has arranged the thumb tacks on his cork board into a peace sign. No wonder all the kids love him. Right on, man.

The luscious Angie Dickinson plays a substitute teacher who wears very short skirts and form-fitting sweaters. Not only does she get felt up by Hudson, she also enthusiastically deflowers the gawky teenage male virgin after extolling the virtues of John Milton's "Paradise Lost." Telly Savalas is the state police detective called upon to solve a series of murders of young girls at the high school, the first of which is charmingly named "Jill Fairbutt." No lollipop here. He is sucking on a cigarette, a cancer stick, a coffin nail! Who loves ya, baby? Nice job by Keenan Wynn is the wheezy geezer local sheriff assigned by Savalas to direct traffic after incompetently touching every bit of evidence at the first murder scene. Also by James Doohan ("Scotty" of Star Trek fame) as Savalas' underling. Too bad they couldn't have gotten Shatner to give Hudson a run for his money...

Also heard from is Roddy McDowell, twittery here as the high school principal, whose concern over the murders is limited to characterizing one of them as a "great little cheerleader." He comes complete with prim, nerdy, bespectacled secretary, de rigeur for the 70s.

In what other decade could something be listed as a comedy/crime/ thriller? Only the 70s, my friend. You can also groove to the opening song by the Osmonds, "Chilly Wind," which happens to be sung over Rock Hudson getting it on with a topless honey. Osmonds and boobies - my head just exploded.

If I'm not mistaken, I think I saw a very young Alfre Woodard as one of the students questioned by Savalas. Rock that afro, girl!

What can you expect by combining the directing talents of Roger Vadim and the writing of Gene Roddenberry? If you can ignore the misogyny of every female in this movie being a ditz/victim/sex object/cuckold, then you will enjoy this very of-its-time pre-sex-comedy-era sex comedy. With some murder thrown in. And a bit of mystery. And don't forget the Osmonds.