Horror of the Blood Monsters

HORROR OF THE BLOOD MONSTERS is Director Al Adamson's magnum opus. It concerns a global outbreak of vampirism, leading to a deep space mission to the planet of the plague's origin. We know this, thanks to the intense narration by "Brother" Theodore Gottlieb.

John Carradine explains the ensuing mission, which does little to prepare us for the lunacy that follows. Upon arrival, the astronauts watch "from afar" as clips from other movies are shown, supposedly having to do with whatever the hell is going on! Cavemen encounter snake-men, bat-men, and lobster-men, on their way to find sacred oil, while the astronauts "look on" from that other film.

This isn't so much a movie, as it is a test of will. Much like seeing how long one can endure being slowly baked in a kiln.

Otherworldly, discombobulating, and disconcerting, Adamson spared every expense, splicing and dicing this masterwork of garbled, drive-in fodder. Watch agog, as this miraculous mutation unfolds in all of its unbridled glory! This is cinema as God intended...

Ya gotta love Al Adamson. Only he would (1) take footage from a 20-year-old movie about gorillas in diving helmets ("Robot Monster"); (2) combine it with clips from a 30-year-old movie about elephants with hair mats glued to their sides ("One Million B.C."); (3) throw in parts from a God-knows-how-old Filipino movie about midget cannibals, half man/half lobster monsters and beer-bellied Chinese cavemen with snakes growing out of their shoulders (all of the aforementioned footage being in black and white); (4) spend $2.15 shooting new "connecting" footage (in color, no less) with an apparently--to be charitable--confused John Carradine and a bunch of actors who have trouble remembering their lines (among them a vapid blonde who is so incompetent that all her dialogue is dubbed in by someone else, and who doesn't even have the decency to make up for it by getting naked); (5) put it out under at least 10 different titles; and (6) try to pass each one off as a new movie. Go, Al!

This is Al's masterwork, the film by which he will always be remembered. Orson Welles had "Citizen Kane," Michael Curtiz had "Casablanca," Francis Coppola had "The Godfather," Al Adamson has "Vampire Men of the Lost Planet." You're in heady company, Al. You deserve it.

What I liked most about this crazy movie is the late great Brother Theodore's manic narration of the intro. He did an even better job narrating the film's trailer. It makes me wish that more directors would have hired this insane genius and just let him cut loose. The infrequency of Theodore's screen appearances seemed to have been his own choice. There were plans to cast him as Dracula in Al Adamson's "Dracula vs. Frankenstein" (THAT would have been something to see!), but apparently Theodore wasn't comfortable doing material that was written by somebody other than himself. Anyway; the rest of the film was pretty cool, too. The experience of watching it is kind of like channel surfing when every station is showing a cheap science fiction film at the same time. If the way the plot is going isn't to your liking, don't worry. It'll change in a minute. The lobster man was my favorite. I also liked the stock footage from Hal Roach's "One Million B.C." Seeing the spaceship model from Roger Corman's "War of the Satellites" was a surprise. I guess special effects man David Hewitt must have kept it in his basement all those years. There was also the voice of the talented Paul Frees in a few spots. While it's true that the producers of this film were shamelessly padding an obscure foreign film into something (they thought) was releasable(and re-releasable under many other titles), they did it in an entertaining and hilarious way.

Plot

In the near future with a intergalactic vampire plague threatening earth, an expedition is sent to a distant galaxy in hopes of discovering the plague's source. Landing on a mysterious planet they discover that Spectrum radiation has turned the atmosphere into a one-color tint. Exploring further, the group discovers living dinosaurs, a race of vampire cavemen, and other strange creatures.

Cast

Outside of John Carradine unfamiliar with anyone involved, I do find it interesting that the writer did nothing else though. Probably best.

Verdict

Horror of the Blood Monsters I assumed would be a hokey 70's creature feature of some description, within 5 minutes I assumed based on what I was watching it would be instead a goofy vampire movie with some of the most questionable looking vampires in cinema history. I was wrong on both counts, so very very very wrong.

So what is it? Well after 5 minutes of exposition about vampires and suggesting that's what the movie is going to be it suddenly becomes a very dated looking science fiction movie set on a space ship that looks like had been created by Blue Peter and then descends into a non-sensical plot that involves cave men. Yes, vampires to space ships to cavemen and that's not even the worst part.

Yes the worst elements are why this is a 1/10, I don't give 1/10's very often as that suggests the film is devoid of a single redeeming feature but this right here I can confidently say doesn't have one.

You see after the horror tease and the segway into tacky science fiction we arrive at the vast majority of the movie which is ruined by awful acting, random stock footage, a non-sensical plot and filters.....random colored filters! Everything is green, then red, then pink, then orange, it's deeply annoying and illogical oh and headache inducing!

I can't stress how bad Horror of the Blood Monsters is, because it's indescribable, unique and a flurry of random imagery that doesn't constitute as a movie at all.

Rants

Why? Just why did they think those filters were a good idea? Then again why did someone sign off on this at all? It's like a fever dream, induced by too many illegal substances and written by a child bouncing off the walls on energy drinks. Awful, just awful.

The Good

The opening scene the dated isn't awful

The Bad

Abyssal acting Those filters!

Story is a mess Teases one genre then veers into another.

The line above may be a very kind way of summing up Al Adamson's career, but I feel bad for the guy. When I read a few years back that he had been murdered in his house, I thought,'Who would want to murder this fella?'I have yet to find that answer, and if anyone out there know if there was a trial, or any information on the death of Al Adamson, please contact me at my address.

I have seen a few of Adamson's films, and although his taste is questionable, his movies can tend to be mesmerising. This is sometimes a good thing at 2 in the morning when you are trying to go to sleep; not knowing what to expect, and even as you watch it, you're still not sure.

This is how I saw NIGHT OF THE BLOOD MONSTERS, or whatever the hell that title was. The film contains some of the most boring dialogue scenes since Jerry Warren, and the acting is uniformly wooden. The plot is a bit hard to explain, having something to do with a vampire plague on Earth that, in flimsy exposition, started in outer space. A rocketship and crew (headed by John Carradine) land on the Vampire planet, and encounter more dialogue and tinted Filipino footage.

The Filipino footage that Adamson culled appears to have been done in black-and-white, but since Adamson was making a color film, he came up with a cheap ploy to sell the concept of the tinted portion. It is radiation, explains one of the characters, and the audience is left in total disbelief. In fact, the most unbelievable part is the sets, made up of poorly-lit backdrops and cardboard. The sex scene is hilarious.

This cheesy movie must be seen by any lover of bad cinema, and people who remember what the drive-in was like, or would like to. All others beware, this film is UNCEASINGLY BAD.

Now, if only I could find out what happened to Al Adamson, (and his wife, Regina Carrol, for that matter)...