Hercules in New York

Over a decade before his movie career exploded and eight years before even Pumping Iron, Arnold Schwarzenegger starred in this cheapie B comedy playing the Greek demigod Hercules, who has been banned from Olympus by Zeus. Schwarzenegger can barely speak a line of coherent English at this point (the film is probably more commonly seen with his performance dubbed, but his original voice is available nowadays). Funny thing is, he's by far the best actor in the picture. Everyone else is just cringe-inducingly awful. The movie as a whole might have actually been watchable, if it weren't for the painfully stereotypical Jew performance by Arnold Stang, who dominates much of it. The film has Schwarzenegger (dubbed Arnold Strong) doing Schwarzenegger-ish activities like weightlifting, throwing cars around and getting into various fights. What would you do if you ran into a 22 year-old Arnold Schwarzenegger and he was annoying you? Start a fight? Well, if you're in this movie, that's what you do. It happens like ten times.

A film of at times incredible and hilarious ineptitude (scenes of the "gods" on Mount Olympus are interrupted constantly by the sounds of honking horns, which are often louder than the heavenly dialogue) saved to some extent by the sincere starring duo of Stang and Schwartzenneger (whose voice is dubbed in the theatrical version, perhaps unintentionally making this film funnier for those like myself who've seen more than a few Italian "pec epics").

Not a true action picture, more of an attempt at comedy that is more often funny against its intentions. Try to count how many times Arnie says "I am Hercules" (as if to convince HIMSELF that he's truly acting), and if you can make it to the end I'll give you a cracker or something.

You gotta love this film.

That scene is by far the funniest yet horrible scene in film legacy. Arnold is in a chariot with his date when somehow a bear is on the loose in Central Park. For no apparent reason he runs off to fight it. They cut to the bear, And it stands up. Clearly, you can imagine the trainer behind the camera saying "BEAR UP" and it stands up. Now when Arnold fights the bear, It is a man in a costume which looks like it was purchased in Harlem. The back of the mans neck is showing as clear as day while him (the bear) and arnold duke it out. The man is swinging his fists like a MILL. You just cant take your eyes off it. And if you do, you are missing out on the funniest man vs. man (in a animal costume) fight in Film PERIOD.

Ha! This is hilarious. Arnold Schwarzenegger - going by the name of "Strong" on the titles, is the demigod son of Zeus (Ernest Graves) and he's bored hanging around Olympus keeping out of trouble. Finally his father loses his temper, hurls a thunder bolt at him and he ends up down on earth befriending the weedy "Pretzie" (Arnold Stang doing a vaguely Phil Silvers impersonation) and getting involved with some crooks who see his might as a meal ticket. What now ensues is just harmless, witless, fun with a confused mythology - Roman and Greek names for the gods are interchangeable; an Olympus that looks like the herb garden of an English stately home and luckily Arnie doesn't have to wrestle with ancient Greek, just with 1970s English. There can't have been much budget so don't be looking for visual effects or a tangy script - nope, none of that, just the future Governor of California looking almost cherubic in his spray-on shorts demonstrating the truthful nature of the American dream. Anyone can make it, however humble the beginnings.

This movie honestly is kinda funny. The acting is okay, but silly. The dialogue is bad, but at the same time funny. The story is silly, and random things just sort of happens. Hercules wants to come to earth, his father refuses, he pisses his father off and he send Hercules to Earth, and because Arnold speaks with such a thick accent, all the characters in the movie can't really understand him. Lots of random stuff happens, and then all ends good.

Funny scenes: 1. Arnold waves at an old lady from outside a plane and she overacts afterwards 2. Arnold fights with a bunch of sailors with a block of wood 3. Arnold refuses to pay a taxi driver for his services and destroys his taxi 4. Arnold fights a guy he just met inside a house 5. Arnold goes on a date with a girl and takes his shirt off and starts flexing in public 6. Arnold fights with a grizzly bear who happens to be at Central Park 7. Arnold becomes a wrestler and his manager signs him to a bunch of mobsters 8. Arnold walks around destroying a bunch of college athlete's records

7/10 "It is really not THAT bad. It is bad, but not THAT bad."