The Green Slime

Robert Horton was on the downslide and poor Richard Jaeckel was stuck in one more film unworthy of his talents. Luciana Paluzzi....well, with neither talent nor anywhere to slide, I guess she belongs in this movie.

It's bright, loud and brassy and everything in the space station screams of the 1960's, including the theme song which has to be the most unusual ever tacked on to a sci-fi film. The color process they used (is it Technicolor?) is so unreal that the whole thing reminds me of a comic book. Watch "Danger,Diabolik" and you'll get that same feeling. Bile greens and mucous yellows.....ugh.

The story line is not much but the special effects, frankly, may be better than some of that period. This was made before fx came into their own, so be a little forgiving. The monsters are not very well conceived and they are soooo slow moving.

Just watch this one for the fun of it and try to forget how embarrassed the actors must have been mouthing those lines, wearing those outfits and running around in cardboard sets while being pursued (very slowly) by a bunch of green Jello. What a hoot!!

You have to love a sci-fi movie that:

1) Is a Japanese-produced product featuring a mostly-Anglo cast (saves on dubbing cost).

2) Has equivalent special effects of any given "Godzilla" movie.

3) Has Italian bombshells named "Sheila Benson".

4) Gives you slime creatures that look like Sigmund the Sea Monster.

5) Has a mad doctor (isn't that a pre-requisite for these movies? Thought so.).

6) Has one of the all-time coolest title songs I have ever heard in my entire natural life.

If you watch "The Green Slime", just think: if Jaeckel had brought the rest of his "Dirty Dozen" cronies along with him, the Green Slime would never have stood a chance.

Oh well....

Seven stars. By the way, does anyone know where to get this movie's soundtrack? I have GOT to get that song....

There isn't a single Japanese actor in this big-budget Japanese produced sci-fi drama, but the special effects are a dead give-away. A wandering astroid (code named `Flora') is on a collision course with Earth. Richard Jackel and Robert Horton lead a team which places atomic bombs on the astroid to blow it up. They succeed, but they unwittingly bring back an alien fungus to their wheel-shaped space station. The fungus grows into man-sized monsters which multiply rapidly and overrun the space station. Jackel and Horton are forced to set aside their romantic rivalry over Luciana Paluzzi (`Thunderball') while they battle the creatures. Blazing laser guns abound in a desperate battle with the unstoppable monsters! The astronauts even don spacesuits and jet-packs for a battle on the space station's hull. All this in glorious color AND wide screen. Wow!

Sure, this sounds great but . . . well, these guys didn't know what they were doing. Or did they?

`The Green Slime' looks more like a clever satire of sci-fi movies than an ineptly made film. The odds against all the side-splitting humor in this movie happening by accident must be astronomical. The potato-shaped monster suits are hysterical. The miniatures of the rockets are so tiny the camera can barely focus on them. The dialogue sounds like perfect parodies of sci-fi's most treasured clichés. (Example: The doctor rushes up to soldiers as their about to attack a slim monster. `Stop, don't kill it!' he pleads. `This is a magnificent discovery, and we must do everything possible to SAVE it!' -- and he says it in a perfect imitation of Richard Nixon.)

When the heroes' rocket tries to outrun an atomic blast, Robert Horton orders the pilot to increase thrust. But the G-forces are already so strong, the pilot can't lift his hand to reach the throttle. Macho Robert jumps up, walks to the pilot's chair, and pushes the throttle himself!

`The Green Slime' is so full of scenes like this that it should be re-released as `National Lampoon's Space Adventure'. And just wait until you hear the Jimmy Hendrix sound-alike title theme, a psychedelic rock tune. Its was even released on 45 rpm! (That's kinda like a CD, for those of you too young to remember.)

Rent the movie, call your friends, and mix up a batch of lime Jello as a snack. This is MST3K squared.

A team of astronauts are called upon to destroy a particularly large asteroid that is on a collision course with Earth. While they are planting charges on the big rock, an ooey, gooey green substance is discovered, and it ends up attaching itself to the suit of one of the crewmen. When the suit and the substance are back aboard their space station, it evolves, creating a bipedal, red eyed, tentacled monster. And its oozing green blood merely helps to make the creature multiply. Our intrepid heroes who must stop the infestation include Jack Rankin (Robert Horton of 'Wagon Train') and Vince Elliott (Richard Jaeckel, "Grizzly").

Whether or not the filmmakers actually had their tongues in their cheeks, the end result is that "The Green Slime" is magnificently cruddy sci-fi, a true camp classic. Some viewers may deride it for being overly silly and juvenile, but there's no denying its goofy charm, especially when the monsters are stomping around. The main problem is that it simply goes on too long, and interest level may wane for some in the audience. The special effects are hilariously awful, although the monsters are great fun, what with their tacky appearance. Overall, this American / Italian / Japanese production, directed by Japanese filmmaker Kinji Fukasaku ("Battle Royale"), provides pretty colorful entertainment, at least in a literal sense, and its widescreen photography also helps a great deal.

Viewers may feel embarrassed for co-stars Horton and Jaeckel, but they give admirably straight faced performances in the face of such inanity. Luscious Italian babe Luciana Paluzzi ("Thunderball") is mostly good for eye candy, as are assorted other female bit players. You do have to love the way that so many of these female space travellers wear miniskirts.

That priceless, rocking theme song ("The Greeeen Sliiime!!!") is over much too quickly; it's the kind of thing for which you want to rewind the movie.

Provided that prospective viewers know what to expect, they can have quite a good time with this one.

Five out of 10.

I have a special attachment to this film: I was stationed in the Air Force in Japan in 1968 when this was filmed. Most of the cast (with the exception of course of the "name" actors) were U.S. Military personnel or dependents. Bud Widom was an announcer on Armed Forces Radio in Tokyo, and Ann Ault (nurse) directed our theater group (The Kanto Players). She directed me as Dr. Bradley in "The Man Who Came to Dinner". Ann also had a a great voice and appeared as a headliner at the Tokyo Hilton. For the earlier comment, Green Slime HAS been shown on MS3TK. It was, I think, made for it, even though MS3TK was just a dream at the time.