Queen of Outer Space

To the ranks of "Go ahead, make my day", "Badges? We don't need to stinkin' badges" and "You had me at hello," can now be added "Men cannot liff vizout vimmin," uttered dreamily by renowned philosopher Zsa Zsa Gabor in this no-budget sci-fi "epic". Everybody involved seems to be having a good time, with the exception of lead Eric Fleming, who goes through the movie with a "when this is done I'm gonna strangle my agent" look on his face, but it's a fun movie to watch. Director Ed Bernds made his name at the helm of some of the better Three Stooges shorts--including "Micro Phonies", considered by many Stoogephiles to be the team's best--so you know he couldn't have been taking this thing seriously while he was making it. (I've always wondered, however, how a writer with the stature of Ben Hecht--credited with the story--got involved in a project like this. Then a few years ago I read an article that said Hecht got loaded at a party one night and started spinning a yarn about a spaceship that crash-lands on a planet of beautiful, horny women. Somebody who heard that story passed it on to someone else, and eventually it became "Queen of Outer Space." Hecht sued the producers when he heard it was being made into a film, and as part of the settlement he got a story credit.)

It's still a fun movie, although by no standards could it be considered a good one. Just appreciate it for what it is--a chance for '50s teenage boys to see lots of tall, beautiful, leggy women running around in skimpy outfits and short skirts, for one thing--sit down with a six-pack and a pizza and have a good time.

Steve Rhodes (newsgroup review) sums it up best when he says, "'Queen of Outer Space' is a parody of science fiction films. Whether it meant to be so at the time is another question." This is prime material for MST3K (very similar to "Fire Maidens from Outer Space"), but they might be avoiding "Queen" because it almost makes fun of itself. It reeks of cardboard sets, silly dialogue, and more phallic symbols, hot babes, and sexual innuendo than you can wave a stick (or laser gun) at. The astronauts ride in Lay-Z-Boy chairs and Zsa Zsa Gabor is a real treat. Never taking itself seriously, it's the "Austin Powers" of the sci-fi genre.

The real question here is whether or not this film is funny because of what it shows us...acting, dialogue, sets...or rather because of how ineptly it shows us these things. For me the film is funny because it is trying to be funny in some parts but also very funny because it is crudely, cheaply, and horrificly made in many instances. Obviously casting Zsa Zsa Gabor in the lead role answers the question that this was intended to be a parody. Come on, she is not an actress but rather a fixture, albeit a charming, vivacious, buxom one. Three astronauts and a professor are on their way to a space station when some laser beams destroy the station before their very eyes and lead them to the planet of Venus millions and millions of miles away. All our scientific knowledge of Venus is wildly inaccurate as the gravity is much like that of Earth's and oxygen is prevalent. The men are taken at night by surprise by a band of armed, mini-skirt clad Venusians that bring them before the mask-faced evil queen. From there a Venusian scientist, played by Miss. Gabor no less, offers help to the men to escape. The rest is about the foiled escape and the eventual unmasking of the evil queen and her desire to obliterate Earth. The film has so much sexual innuendo and bad-trying-to-be-funny smug acting as to be a little annoying. The male leads are not very good. Eric Fleming as the man wanted by both Zsa Zsa and the queen is adequate. Paul Birch, typically a pretty good actor, does a shameless job in this film smiling constantly and his scene where the space station is destroyed and he is suppose to look disconcerted is a real hoot! Maybe this is what they were trying to do. The other two guys are very annoying with one stupid joke after another. One is a lothario-type making degrading comments about the fairer sex repeatedly. Even I tired of them after awhile. The women...well, they are heavenly. All of them are beautiful and Zsa Zsa is near the top of that heavenly spectrum. Beautiful Joi Lansing also has a bit part in the beginning. Journeyman director Edward Bernds directs with some style. I particularly like how he used color in the film. Visually, the film has lots of bright blues and reds that really takes much of your attention away from the bad acting and plot.

"Vimmen cannot be happy vizout man!"

Thus spake Zsa Zsa Gabor, the most unlikely sci-fi heroine of the fifties. And I guess she'd know. Swanning around the Venutian landscape trailing yards of tulle - she has apparently learned nothing from Isadora Duncan's grisly demise - its up to Zsa Zsa to save the earth from obliteration from what appears to be a ready-to-assemble treehouse.

If logic were the order of the day here it would be patently obvious from this that we're all a-goner. Happily, logic has nothing to do with it; the Venus La Gabor inhabits bears no resemblance to anything in our solar system.

Not for the first time in movie history - I'm thinking "Fire Maidens from Outer Space" here - Venus turns out to be the province of buxom, slightly past their prime showgirls, and there's nary a man in sight. Why? Well, once upon a time the men folk started a nuclear war which caused many of the women, including the planet's ruler, to suffer hideous facial scars. Suitably stung, the men were banished to a nearby satellite; meanwhile the queen wears a stupid mask and the women evidently pass their time doing their hair. In each coif there's never a strand out of place, and somewhere on Venus somebody's doing a roaring trade on fire-engine red lipstick.

Things get sticky when a whole lot of Earth astronauts land on Venus, bringing with them the sets and props for "Forbidden Planet". (Even Anne Francis' gowns get a second outing from the #2 Venus babe. No hand me downs for Zsa Zsa though!) The women are at first hostile, but the natural order is restored when Zsa Zsa takes the helm, and long before the fadeout all is goo eyes and closed mouth kissing. The men are asserting their superiority, the women are all "dames", no doubt scuttling back to the kitchen, and those who showed even the smallest trace of backbone - ie the baddies - are all safely dead.

Its hard to say whether Zsa Zsa thought this was her big break or whether she knew how hilarious the whole thing is. At any rate she dominates the proceedings, which is no mean feat seeing as she has some of the silliest sets, dialogue and special effects to compete with. People who claim that Marilyn Monroe was never given a chance to extend her dramatic range might consider taking up Zsa Zsa's cause as well. I can see her now in a 1956 remake of "Mildred Pierce" in bright, bright Technicolor.

For the time being, enjoy what's on offer. "I hate zat qveen!" snaps our star.

Ah, but how the queens love you Zsa Zsa.

"Queen of Outer Space" has been unkindly described as a deliberate parody of sci-fi cliches, but the director wasn't in on the joke.

Fans have been debating for years just what the intentions of Ben Hecht and Charles Beaumont were in penning this much-reviled space adventure. Surely both writers were capable of much better work. Surely Zsa Zsa Gabor as a Venusian space maiden was a piece of casting nobody expected to be taken seriously. Surely director Edward Bernds must have known the score. This is the man who directed the Three Stooges. He knows a joke when he sees it! Yet, in interviews, Bernds insists that the film was intended to be taken straight.

Even a casual examination of the finished product makes this hard to believe. The first half of the film seems to be skewering the stereotypical male/female relationships found in pulp sci-fi cinema of the day. But after the captain rebuffs the evil queen's advances and the plot turns to action, the film starts taking itself seriously and its sense of goofy fun dissipates quickly.

But, in fairness to Bernds: if he wasn't in on the joke, neither were any of his cast, who perform with earnest sincerity throughout.

Although the film was made by Allied Artists (Monogram after their name change), some expense seems to have been spent on it: it's in color & Cinemascope and the sets, although gaudily and colorfully fake, are extensive. Perhaps most tellingly, AA released it as a single feature, clearly a sign of confidence (or misplaced optimism) in those days where double-features were standard for B-films.

In hindsight, the question of deliberate parody may never be answered. Because of the film's reputation, those involved in the production were undoubtedly anxious to rewrite history to salvage their professional reputations.

Favorite scene: Zsa Zsa's attempt to impersonate the queen by donning her mask and issuing orders in her imperious and distinctive Hungarian accent, then being shocked when the ruse fails.