Plan 9 from Outer Space

For anyone that wants to make movies, Plan 9 is a must see. Not for it's lush style, great dialogue, fabulous production design, nor for the compelling performances given by the players. It doesn't have any of that. What it does have though, is poor production design, continuity gaps you can drive a space shuttle through, and writing that's so bad, it's amazing anyone had the nerve to show it. That is what makes it a must see.

Ed Wood, Jr. was not talented, but he was determined. He did something that many extremely talented people have not done. He got it released. He wrote it, produced it and directed it. When his star, Bela Lugosi, died during filming, he still finished it. Not just this one either, he put out several films, and not one of them is any good.

So for all of you aspiring Scorseses or Spielbergs, when the world gets you down, and you just don't know how you can get it done, when you feel like you've lost it, pop in "Plan 9". I bet you'll feel better.

There is a scene in Tim Burton's Bio-flick/homage to Ed Wood where the director bumps into Orson Welles in a Hollywood watering hole-in-the-wall, and gets a brief spirit-lifting speech from the great one about remaining true to your vision and not letting the clerks and backers (who ARE clerks, regardless where they live or what fate finds them doing for a living) get you down. Maybe we should have to look at that scene before watching this film.

If Plan Nine is awful, it is probably so precisely because it IS so grandly ambitious. --If all ambition cannot culminate in a Citizen Kane or a Vertigo, maybe it gives us a moment to mourn quietly for the rest of us, the ones who worship genius –as Ed Wood no doubt did– without being geniuses ourselves. Bottom line, no matter what cards you get, you can laugh or you can cry at life. Ed Wood put on nylons and pumps and, making sure his seams were straight, marched into the fray of life like a true Hero Born. He stuck incongruous, obvious stock footage into his magnum opus, knowing the poetry would arise from the montage; he improvised long stretches, fully certain he would get the same results Welles could working under similar circumstances; he tried valiantly to coax performances out of wretched actors, or fatally self-conscious non-actors, like Criswell and Vampira, and put them in no matter how their work turned out ("No time to re-shoot!"). No matter what, you have to admire his staying in the game.

VanGogh is perhaps the best case scenario of a loser who cranked away, certain he was onto something, who is lucky enough to have the entire world one day concur. Ed Wood's is, sadly, the more often played scenario. He is positive attitude, high ambition and wishful thinking, unsupported. He was certain he was onto something. He could not have been more wrong about anything if he had tried to be.

Oh yeah baby. "Ich bin ein Ed Wood."

First things first - anyone who calls 'Plan 9 from Outer Space' "the worst movie ever made" needs to watch more movies! To me "the worst" would be one that was dull and has no entertainment value whatsoever. 'Plan 9' is the complete opposite of dull, and is it entertaining? You bet! It's still one of the greatest beer'n'pizza and have a bunch of your pals over movies ever made. Hell, it isn't even the most inept and bizarre movie Ed Wood ever made, that would still have to be 'Glen Or Glenda', which for some strange reason still doesn't have a tenth of the cult following 'Plan 9' does. Speaking of cult, in some ways 'Plan 9' is almost THE definitive cult movie if you consider that it virtually vanished without a trace when it was first released and it still lives on because it was subsequently rediscovered by thousands of enthusiastic movie nuts, collectors, journalists, cartoonists, rock musicians (e.g. The Damned), and other film makers (Joe Dante, Sam Raimi, Tim Burton). I think 'Glen Or Glenda' is Wood's most amazing achievement myself, but I still love 'Plan 9'. I've lost track of how many times I've seen it over the years. I wouldn't go so far as to say I have it memorized or anything, but it's always in the back of my mind. It's like part of the collective pop culture unconscious that I carry around with me at all times. As much as I love Bela Lugosi I think the three main reasons this movie is truly unforgettable (apart from the obvious - silly aliens, laughably bad dialogue and "those" flying saucers,etc.etc.) are Criswell, Vampira, and especially Tor Johnson. Any three of those people being involved would have made this something special, but all three! Man! This is trash heaven! It's hard to believe there's anyone left alive who hasn't already seen this movie, but if by some strange twist of fate you are one of the uninitiated, you MUST, I repeat MUST watch 'Plan 9' as soon as possible! And remember, my friends, future events such as these will effect YOU in the future!

Somewhere, in the great and mysterious beyond, Ed Wood looks down (up?) and laughs maniacally. Why? Because we're stupid! Stupid! Fools! The Maestro's PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE is his zenith / nadir in one! It is a cultural phenomenon!

From Criswell's crackpot intro / narration, to Dudley Manlove's (Never, has there been a better name for any actor, male or female! Never!) scolding of all mankind, P9FOS hypnotizes with it's eerie, cardboard brilliance! Wood's use of Vampira as... well, Vampira, is a masterstroke of casting! Tor Johnson's take on the world's largest police chief is sheer genius!

The sets, assembled in mere seconds, rival those in BEN HUR! The FX, while certainly not computer generated, were powered by the latest D batteries of the time! Other, lesser films by the thousands, get no attention at all, while this towering giant of cinematic immensity is universally known!

HA! HA! HA!

It is inescapable! Vampira and Tor are revered! Bela Lugosi lives forever, immortalized by an enigmatic chiropractor from some other world (Burbank perhaps)! Indeed, PLAN 9 is, at this very moment, conquering this puny planet! All hail Ed Wood! Amen...

OK, I'm Deaf. There are no subtitles in this movie. Usually, I would turn it off after five minutes because there was too much talking.

But this was different... it was hillarious even without dialogue. The hearing person I was watching it with told me that I could make up my own dialogue and it would be better. Now, I don't know how true that is, but any movie that I can watch without subtitles is a 10 in my book.

Hillarious. :)