- Liz Baker: Oh, come off it, Lieutenant, admit it! The guy bugs you.
- Lt. Vicki Loren: As far as I'm concerned, a bug is something you find crawling in your bed.
- Liz Baker: I rest my case.
- Colonel Leland: We even have his pre-Army record. He is the only high school student who was ever sued for breach of promise by his teacher.
- Paul Hodges: Lieutenant. As a psychologist to a patient, what's wrong with me?
- Lt. Vicki Loren: Well, I don't know you well enough to say.
- Paul Hodges: Well, I do know there's something wrong with me. For an example, here I am a grown man and I still like women.
- Lt. Vicki Loren: There's absolutely nothing abnormal about a man liking women, Corporal. But there is a limit.
- Paul Hodges: What do you do after you catch the limit? You throw the next one back?
- Colonel Leland: He's loose in Paris?
- Harvey Franklin: Well?
- Liz Baker: Well, everybody's loose in Paris.
- Colonel Leland: These men are to live in complete isolation for one full year. The Army thought the bachelors could weather it easier than married men. Gentlemen, the Army was wrong.
- Maj. Collins: You see, we have done everything that is humanly possible for us to do for them. We sent them books, we sent them magazines, we sent them puzzles and records. We event went so far as to send them a gross of do-it-yourself kits. But, well, the men just don't seem to be interested in doing it themselves.
- Colonel Leland: We asked you here, not to suggest furloughs, but to come up with some psychological gimmick which will take their minds off furloughs.
- Lt. Vicki Loren: But do we want to take their minds off furloughs?
- Colonel Leland: Lieutenant, I can see we're not all firing on the same target.
- Lt. Vicki Loren: From the morale standpoint alone, consider how active their minds would be just thinking up this perfect furlough.
- Colonel Leland: Hmm.
- Maj. Collins: Hmm?
- Colonel Leland: Mm-hmm.
- Maj. Collins: Frankly, after what I've read about Miss Roca - I mean, millionaires, movie stars, that sort of thing - I'd rather hope that she wouldn't give him a second thought.
- Lt. Vicki Loren: I'm not concerned about her second thought. It's the first one that worries me.
- Harvey Franklin: Those boys up there are freezing their -- freezing. This is your chance to show them some gratitude. To make some American soldiers happy.
- Harvey Franklin: You're a big star now. You don't have to listen to me. But just tell me one thing. Who discovered you in the Argentine? On the pampas riding a jackass?
- Sandra Roca: Burro! It was a sweet, little burro.
- Harvey Franklin: All right, the burro. Forty miles from Buenos Aires and you had never even been to Buenos Aires!
- Sandra Roca: Every time you talk like this, you mixed up me so much, I don't know what to do anymore.
- Colonel Leland: When you research the behavior patterns of the American soldier, how did you leave him out? He's your leading character!
- Lt. Vicki Loren: It's very interesting. Obviously an over active libido.
- Colonel Leland: Obviously. But how do we inactivate it?
- Paul Hodges: Marvin, when you're in Paris with Sandra you're not there for yourself, you represent 104 men. You're obligated to see that we enjoy ourselves.
- Pvt. Marvin Brewer: I'll do my best.
- Paul Hodges: I hope it's good enough. Because you have to live up to the expectations of every man in this outfit, and you know what they expect.
- Pvt. Marvin Brewer: I'm only human.
- Paul Hodges: That may not be enough. This is going to take a giant among men.
- Sandra Roca: I'm sorry, Harvey, but I must go away and relax.
- Harvey Franklin: You can relax in Paris, dear.
- Sandra Roca: Ha! With a soldier alone? Oh boy, I can tell you have never been out with a soldier.
- Harvey Franklin: These are not ordinary soldiers. These are all scientists.
- Sandra Roca: Once I went out with a scientist, too. They are even worse than soldiers. All he wanted to do was examine me.
- Liz Baker: Whenever the studio sends out one of their stars, like Sandra, they send along someone from publicity. In addition to publicist, I also play nurse maid and mother confessor. Mr. Franklin insists on a watchdog for Sandra. You see, she doesn't understand English very well and if anybody talks too fast, she's liable to say yes when she should've said no. You follow?
- Lt. Vicki Loren: Mm-hmm. And so you say no for her.
- Liz Baker: Constantly.
- Lt. Vicki Loren: Speaking for Sandra, I think you better start brushing up on saying no.
- Liz Baker: Speaking for Sandra, I don't know how long I can hold out.
- Maj. Collins: Seems Cooperative enough.
- Lt. Vicki Loren: Yes, he does.
- Maj. Collins: And quite sincere.
- Lt. Vicki Loren: I noticed that.
- Maj. Collins: You trust him?
- Lt. Vicki Loren: No.
- Maj. Collins: Neither do I.
- Paul Hodges: If the orders were to ruin my furlough, you've succeeded.
- Lt. Vicki Loren: Whether you believe it or not, we wanted you to enjoy yourself.
- Paul Hodges: Lieutenant, how do you think I can enjoy myself when every time I turn around, you're standing there?
- Paul Hodges: Come on, Lieutenant, let's level with each other. Why the storm troopers, why everything?
- Lt. Vicki Loren: The government feels that Sandra should be protected.
- Paul Hodges: Suppose Sandra doesn't want to be protected. You keep acting like she's some sort of wildlife.
- Lt. Vicki Loren: Oh, it's not Sandra whom we consider wildlife. You see, we're trying to protect her from a man who's personnel file reads like a Stag movie.
- Paul Hodges: You read the file?
- Lt. Vicki Loren: All of it.
- Paul Hodges: Well, I guess there's nothing to add.
- Lt. Vicki Loren: We're trying to see to that.
- Maj. Collins: Publicity pictures, Corporal. After all, we don't want it to look as if you were having a drunken orgy, do we?
- Sandra Roca: Oh, you should have seen me. No hips, flat chested. All the boys used to laugh at me. And then one day, they stopped laughing.
- Lt. Vicki Loren: There are textbooks written about men like you.
- Paul Hodges: Freud, humanity drowning in an ocean of sex. I have a suggestion for you, Lieutenant. Why don't you quit being a lifeguard and jump in the water with the rest of us slobs? Or are you afraid you won't know how to swim?
- Lt. Vicki Loren: I don't wanna see what you have to show me. Now let me go. Do you realize - do you realize what you're doing? You'll get 10 years of hard labor for this. Now let me go. Let me go or I'll scream.
- Paul Hodges: Go ahead scream. They don't understand a word of English.
- Lt. Vicki Loren: Take your hands off me.
- Paul Hodges: Shut up.
- Lt. Vicki Loren: You're talking to an officer, Corporal.
- Paul Hodges: Shut up, sir.
- Harvey Franklin: How did she get a cold?
- Liz Baker: Well, it's something that she caught.
- Harvey Franklin: What do you mean it's something that she caught?
- Liz Baker: Well, you know how those things are.
- Harvey Franklin: You are supposed to protect her, Miss Baker. If there is anything to be caught, it is your job to catch it.
- Maj. Collins: Doctor, she's not married. How can she have a baby?
- French Doctor: It's really very simple, monsieur.
- Liz Baker: Are you sure you haven't made a mistake?
- Maj. Collins: It isn't *I* - who have made a mistake.
- Maj. Collins: Where were you?
- Lt. Vicki Loren: Out, sir.
- Maj. Collins: Out. I presume when you say "Out," you mean unconscious?
- Lt. Vicki Loren: I was in a wine vat, sir.
- Paul Hodges: You made quite an impression with the father and son.
- Lt. Vicki Loren: Oh?
- Paul Hodges: They said you were clean, quiet, good-natured. And had a loyal face.
- Lt. Vicki Loren: Swell.
- Paul Hodges: All the qualities of a good wife.
- Lt. Vicki Loren: Sounds more like a poodle.
- Liz Baker: Well, sir, Sandra is going to have a baby.
- Harvey Franklin: Miss Baker. I shall hold you personally responsible.
- Liz Baker: Mr. Franklin, no jury in the world would believe that.
- Harvey Franklin: What man in his right mind would take 20 years of hard labor - against a lifetime with Sandra Roca?
- Harvey Franklin: You see, in my business, we have ways of handling this sort of thing. Of course, it'll be a quiet wedding. But the way I'll manage it, they'll be more publicity than if they'd been married in Notre Dame Cathedral.
- Mr. Appleton: I found him with my wife, she had no clothes on.
- Colonel Leland: Are you sure?
- Mr. Appleton: How do you mean am I sure? We've been married for five years. I ought to know when she has no clothes on.