Don't Go Near the Water

In the 1950s and into the 60s, Glenn Ford carved out a most unusual niche for himself when it came to war movies. With only a few exceptions, the military movies he made during this era were NOT filled with glory and bravery but were mostly comedies...and often involving guys who really weren't among the best the US military had to offer! Think about it...with films like "The Imitation General", "Teahouse of the August Moon", "Cry for Happy", "Advance to the Rear" and "Don't Go Near the Water", Ford had a definite type war film...sort of the comedic anti-war film.

"Don't Go Near the Water" is set on a lovely tropical isle far from the action. Lt. Siegel (Ford) is with the Public Relations Department of the US Navy....and he and his fellow officers are NOT involved in any action, just trying to produce a positive image for the Navy. So, the film doesn't have life and death situations....most romantic and comedic ones.

The story is pleasant and enjoyable and certainly NOT heroic. It makes a nice time-passer and Ford, as usual, is excellent in this role as are the rest. Well worth seeing and my only complaints are minor, such as the sloppy use of some stock footage and post-war markings on an airplane....no big deal at all.

Don't Go Near The Water is a film about those under-appreciated men of the second World War, those who served way in the rear echelon in the Navy's publicity department. They too, sacrificed and served their country in most unusual ways.

Hero of this piece and perfectly cast because of his gift for dead pan comedy timing is Glenn Ford, playing a Mister Roberts like officer assigned to the unit headed by Fred Clark. Actually Ford's a Roberts in reverse, he's already had his sea duty and now is assigned to this backwater of the war. He and Russ Tamblyn would like to get into action because it is in combat that promotions can be quickly earned. Not to mention they'd like to serve their country.

Now Clark's perfectly content where he is. He was a former advertising man in civilian life, so the Navy publicity unit is a perfect fit for him. He's even got far more leverage in 'disciplining' the men under his command. But he can be played and Ford does so like a piccolo.

Don't Go Near The Water has no real plot except for Ford's yeoman Earl Holliman falling for one of the Navy nurses, Anne Francis, and stealing her away from wolfish officer Jeff Richards. That's a romance that Ford's helping in every way he can despite those no fraternization policies between enlisted men and officers.

The film is a series of comic vignettes as the unit tries to deal with several non-military and military situations like a hero sailor played by Mickey Shaughnessy who can't control his language. I found that extremely true to life because back in those brief days when I was a weekend warrior, I remember those Anglo-Saxon expletives coming out just as frequently as they do from Shaughnessy. Still it won't do to have him on a bond tour with that coming out of him all the time, so Ford has the unenviable duty of cleaning his act up.

Ford's also taking time to romance island school teacher Gia Scala and he enlists her help in blackmailing an obnoxious war correspondent to help with building a new school house with the money he flashes around from his publisher. The correspondent is Keenan Wynn who thinks that Ensign Russ Tamblyn is his personal valet. No wonder Tamblyn wants to get to active duty.

And then there's the glamorous Eva Gabor who is a female correspondent who's been assigned to a forward area to cover the impending battle for Okinawa. As if Admiral Howard Smith hasn't enough troubles. He already has a low opinion of Clark and his outfit as a bunch of goldbrickers.

All in all it's a pretty funny service comedy and holds up well after over 50 years.

Glenn Ford made a few comedies with WW 2 settings - during or after the war. None of these were laugh fests, or hilarious films like "McHale's Navy", or satires like the great "Dr. Strangelove." Of course, anything about the military during wartime that's funny might be looked at as satire by some. But, movies like "Buck Privates" of 1941, with Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were sheer comedy. Besides the madness and mayhem of such films, they no doubt helped to lighten the worries of families who had loved ones serving during World War II.

So, after the seriousness and horrors of war had abated in the post-war years, writers, producers, and others who had served began to muse about some of the things that happened that may have been comical, and some fictional things they might have liked to have happen. Or, they may have suspected were happening in the rear echelons, where brass and shysters were removed from the reality of war. That's what we have, it seems, in this film. "Don't Go Near the water" is adapted from a 1956 novel of the same title by William Brinkley. Brinkley was a naval officer who served in Europe and the Pacific. One might easily guess his field - public relations, and his book may have been more fact than fiction as a comedy.

Well, this was the first of a number of light comedy wartime or military comedies that Glen Ford made, and it's success led to more and a solid career. This has some romance, finger-poking, and light comedy that seemed right for audiences in the late 1950s and early 1960s. That's when people could use a break from the headlines and news about the latest threats in the Cold War.

Ford and the rest of the company here do a good enough job for a film that doesn't have much of a plot. Fred Clark and Keenan Wynn provide a few chuckles. And, Anne Francis, Eva Gabor and Gia Scala provide the non-military distractions for sailors who are otherwise alone on a South Sea island in wartime.

It's a light, feel-good comedy romance of the period that, but for the military situation, would clearly fit the description of fluff today. It was a big hit at the box office, finishing in the top 25 U. S. films for the year. I was a teenager at the time and did enjoy films like this - much more than I find them to be very interesting or good in my golden years of maturity - or aged childhood, as the case may be. This is the least funny and entertaining of the batch of these films that Glenn Ford made.

I rate William Brinkley's beautiful written and only slightly pretentious service comedy "Don't Go Near the Water" as the best satire to come out of WWII. There is nothing lightweight about his attempt here; he is writing from personal knowledge of this group of reporters about the hysteria, professionalism, patriotism, irresponsibility, hijinks and occasional hubris of the press who covered the War in the Pacific Theater-of-Operations. The head of the organization is a refugee from Wall Street, chrome-domed comedy genius Fred Clark, riding herd on a large group of bright, bored and nefarious group of minds who are looking to avoid duty or to do something that will shake up the world. Only two changes were made from the novel by Dorothy Kingsley's brilliant screenplay. One was to alter Max, the central character, from a big unattractive sort to handsome Glenn Ford; the other was to change the character played by Earl Holliman from a big handsome hunk to an ordinary- looking nice guy. One works; the other doesn't. But everything else, in my judgment, works like clockwork in this extremely memorable, funny and thought- filled narrative. Director Charles Walters kept the proceedings going professionally and well. The technical aspects of the movie are both good and usually so good they go unnoticed, because what matters in this story, I claim, is the characters and the actors who bring them to vibrant life. The storyline involved is simple. The correspondents get a Club built; Max handles one Farragut Jones, a foul-mouthed nightmare he helps create, by riding herd on him during personal appearances. He also baits Clark, his boos, and pursues a lovely island girl, played by Gia Scala, while facing five disruptions--an illicit liaison between an enlisted man and an officer, an obnoxious demanding journalist, a lovely female reporter who wants to see the shooting war up close, some visiting VIPs and Clark's interference in the challenge of building the Club which all upsets the dull daily routine of the newshawks. The large able cast is headed by Ford, Clark, Holliman, Anne Francis, A\Mary Wickes, Keenan Wynnn as the journalist, Eva Gabor as the female reporter, Mickey Shaughnessy as Farragut Jones, with Romney Brent as Scala's father, Jack Albertson and Charles Watts as the Representatives, Jeff Richards and Howard Smith. Bronislau Kaper supplied the music; the film produced a hit song. And when the atomic bomb is dropped on Japan, the film achieve a climax at a large bash, and a happy ending for Ford and Scala. The most hilarious and meaningful service comedy of which I have knowledge. its theme is really how men deal with responsibility, and everyone is memorable because the theme is so well- integrated with the War and its events. Kudos to William Brinkley for this absolute gem.

Ford does his good comedic acting as this humorous tale moves forward behind the enemy lines...Navy PR types are out of war action but lots of old style hijinks happen in all three acts...Fred Clark is excellent as the bumbling CO...Two love interest stories plus funny slapstick give this MGM effort a roadmap to laughter success...And hats off to Shaughnessy as the cursin' sailor with heaps of tats...A good view...