2+5: Missione Hydra

This film reminded me a little of Mission Stardust in reverse...the aliens land on our planet instead of what happened in that movie. While fairly coherent, the movie doesn't really know where it's going, as a lot of Italian SF movies didn't in that era.

I'm still trying to figure out what the heck the secret agents were doing in the movie (and please remember, they're "Oriental, not Chinese"). Once the spaceship gets off the ground, we're treated to a lot of stock footage from Toho's Gorath, as a number of space stations and satellites try to pretend they are the starforces of Hydra. Then there's the time travel thing, and the female characters' need to wear fishnet bodystockings with leather or feather bikinis (obviously either an aside to the popularity of the fashions of Barbarella or just standard wear in Italian space operas...lord knows I've seen at least four other movies where leather was the material of choice for spacesuits). And then there's the need for spacehelmets when venturing onto a new planet, but two people can cross the cold void of space between two ships in what amounted to a snorkel and leather.

To me, 2:5: Mission Hydra reminded me a lot of They Came From Beyond Space or the Terrornauts or similar British features made in the mid-sixties...not bad, but not necessarily well thought out.

I haven't done this in a while, but for Star Pilot, I'm going to use the plot summary from IMDb: "Aliens from the constellation Hydra crash-land on the island of Sardinia. A prominent scientist, his daughter, several young technicians, and a pair of Oriental spies are taken hostage by the beings so they can use them to repair their spaceship's broken engine. With that done, they take off towards their home planet, taking the earthlings with them. However, the humans attempt to mutiny against their captors, inadvertently sending their tiny spaceship hurtling into the infinite beyond."

I used the IMDb plot summary because, even after watching Star Pilot, I'm not entirely sure what it was all about. The movie made very little sense to me. But even though I may have been confused during most of the movie, parts of it were still a lot of fun in a campy / cheesy sort of way. Instead of the usual write-up I do, here are a few random thoughts I have regarding Star Pilot:

1. While the cast wasn't much to write home about, it's always cool seeing Kirk Morris and Gordon Mitchell outside a Sword and Sandal film. I just wish Mitchell had been in the film for more than 20 seconds. Other than getting his name in the credits, I'm not really sure why the filmmakers even bothered.

2. There's a decent size chunk of the film "borrowed" from Doomsday Machine. The differences in film quality, acting, and everything else is a little jarring. It's shocking just how good the stuff from Doomsday Machine looks in comparison. The clips include a scene with Casey Kasem - minus Kasem's very recognizable voice.

3. Why bother with the Chinese secret agents? It adds absolutely nothing to the plot. It seems like such an unnecessary plot detail that amounts to nothing in the end.

4. I suppose that if I had to pick a highlight, it would be actress Leontine May's ever-shrinking wardrobe. She begins the film fairly modestly dressed, but by the end, she's wearing a full body fishnet with a few strategically placed feathers.

In some ways, the 5/10 I've given Star Pilot may not be fair. The copy I watched seemed to be horribly cut-up. IMDb lists a runtime of 89 minutes. The version I watched was only 81 minutes. I'm not sure how much difference the extra 8 minutes would make, but I'd certainly be up for giving it another go with a complete copy.

This motion picture is interesting to watch, if for no other reason, then for analysis. It purports to have taken upon itself a complicated history. One fact is known, that of the original release date in Italy of 1966, although a website or two will show 1965. What happened since then is anyones guess. Yes, there was a 1977 release in the United States under the Monarch Releasing Corporation. The titles, "Star Pilot" and "Star Pilots" are given. Yet in the video release by Sinister Cinema the title is shown as "2 + 5: Mission Hydra" although the Monarch Releasing Corporation credit is also listed seemingly indicating this is the same version as the 1977 US dubbed release. The real confusion starts with the footage from other movies spliced in at some points. Another website claims the movies "Kaiju Daisenso(1965)" and "Yusei Gorasu(1962)" are interwoven with the plot. This may very well be, but Casey Kasem is also clearly seen. This would appear to be from "The Doomsday Machine" which had a checkered history of its own, being made in 1967(a year after "2+5"), but released in 1972. So therefore this footage must have been added only in the US release, though "2+5" premiered in West Germany in 1967. Various running times(84, 89, 90 + 92) are given as well depending on what source you refer to. The bottom line on this former late night favorite is, for the male viewers there is Leontine May(who dominates) and for the female viewers, Kirk Morris(pseudonym of Adriano Bellini) and Gordon Mitchell. It should also be mentioned for the classical music crowd, that although the credit is given on the IMDb for "theme from Toccato & Fugue in D Minor by JS Bach", it is not mentioned that it is under the direction of Leopold Stokowsky.

Unusual mid-sixties science fiction story about three crash landed aliens who "recruit" a scientist and his team to make repairs on their ship, and pilot it back to their home planet. Reasonable effort, although slightly drawn out and uninteresting, still has moments of suspense and character drama. The usual Italian glamour is provided by the sexy wanna-be actress, who goes along with the team, and wears increasingly outrageous outfits, and flirts with one of the male aliens. The lead alien, a fire haired female begins to see the error of her emotionless ways, and at one point exhibits romantic inclinations towards Kirk Morris. Acting is fine, effects average, storyline meandering but rarely fatally dull, with a few good bits, such as a rather weird attack by a group of alien gorillas. Slightly lacking in traditional Italian high octane liveliness, but compelling, and not without a few interesting twists.

Pros;

-Interesting basic storyline

-Most of the film's acting is consistently competent and believable

-Good imagery – especially the pair of skeletons at the cockpit of the other spaceship

Cons;

-Ends rather abruptly

-Some of the movie's logic is questionable

-Quite a few characters are simply left as cardboard cut outs

-The alien race appear completely human and aren't especially convincing as such

-Main room of the spaceship set gets claustrophobic after a while

-A very long sequence where the characters are in space, changing an arial, kills the pace for a bit and is un-necessarily tedious

-A child-like robot is killed early on, and after only a minute's screen time, although its' design was not especially interesting

-Plot stretches thin in some places, as it is a fairly basic idea with little deviation to carry the film along

-A terrible voice over at the start

When you are a science-savvy person, watching science fiction films is often a painful experience: whether it is completely unrealistic (but in a way dramatically understandable) gaffes like loud roaring sound effects in the vacuum of outer space, or the unbelievable idiocy of people who think "backup engines" are there to make a rocket go, well, back up ... one just never knows what offenses filmmakers will slap up on screen.

Unfortunately, there is little one can do to prepare for something like _Star Pilot_, or however one wants to reference this particular Italian "science fiction" mess. The creators of this thing not only did not have a scientifically literate person on set, they all seem to have skipped every science class that was offered in their school careers! Other reviewers have pointed out the film's startling revelation that -- contrary to what science tells us -- it is actually quite comfortable beyond the confines of any planetary atmosphere whatever, and you can just twirl around between spaceships without the benefit of a helmet or any other bulky garb. Truly amazing. I was also amazed to note that when "Bellsy" was out in the balmy vacuum repairing the ship's antenna, gravity just seemed to switch on and off without warning - since the damaged antenna he removed visibly fell down and out of sight, no matter how much bouncing around (on a trampoline, apparently) Bellsy did himself!

I could go on forever. I could cite the space chart / screen two characters stared at that appeared to have standard N-E-W-S compass directions on it. Future generations of Cub Scouts will no doubt be relieved to know that there is a North in outer space, and that their compasses will work.

And yet ... this film is so stupid on so many levels (despite pretensions to ... uh, something at the end) that it manages to be quite entertaining at times. It's THAT kind of bad. It would have made a good MST3K target. It's garish, incomprehensible, nonsensical, giddy, idiotic. Furthermore, some of the actors make okay eye candy, if you are into that kind of thing. "Leontine" alone is worth the price of admission, as she is some kind of cross between Angelina Jolie, Barbarella-era Jane Fonda, and something I can't quite name. Her costumes made me believe that Western culture does indeed have a basement, a hard rock floor beyond which nothing can possibly go. And yet ... no matter how often I wanted to turn away, I just ... could not.