- Clinton Willart: You really do hate life, don't you, Berry-Berry? You know, when you told me that before, I went along with you. Because I wanted to be just like you in every way I could. But I LIKE life, Berry-Berry. So long, Berry-Berry.
- Mrs. Mandel: [Attempting to entice Berry-Berry to join her party on a yacht trip to the Bahamas] Perhaps you'd like to join us? You might enjoy the Bahamas.
- Berry-Berry Willart: How do you know I'm not some dangerous maniac that goes around killing beautiful women like you?
- Mrs. Mandel: [Slight pause, then chuckles coyly] Well, in that case, I won't have to take a sleeping pill tonight.
- Ralph Willart: [Berry-Berry has gotten himself in trouble again, requiring yet another effort on Ralph's part to wire him "rescue" money] Yeah, that knucklehead's got it in his head that Western Union is some sort of bank. I'll tell you what he's good at: he's a colossal expert at getting money outta' Western Union. You know what he went and did?
- Clinton Willart: No.
- Ralph Willart: He didn't tell ya', huh?... You know who he took a poke at? A woman! He don't fool around, that big gorilla, no sirree. Some dame says something he don't like... WHAM! - lays her out. And the "Old Man" carries the gold down to Western Union.
- Annabell Willart: [Ralph and Clinton are barbequing, and drinking liquor. Annabell is not amused] You don't have to go making HIM a drunkard, too, Ralph.
- Ralph Willart: Whom are you calling a "drunkard," madame?
- Annabell Willart: [Exasperated] You never go anywhere without that bottle. You'd even take it to Church with you - if you ever WENT to Church.
- Ralph Willart: If I ever went to Church, I'd HAVE to take it with me!
- [laughs derisively]
- Annabell Willart: Ralph, you're gonna' have to talk to Clinton.
- Ralph Willart: [Not terribly concerned] Yeah? What about?
- Annabell Willart: [Exasperated] "What about?" Do you realize that boy hasn't set his foot inside a classroom in the past two months?
- Ralph Willart: Well, maybe he doesn't like the school he has to go to.
- Annabell Willart: [Sarcastically] Well, maybe we should call the School Board and ask them to start a new school, just to please "His Majesty."
- Annabell Willart: [Now without the sarcasm] Ralph, will ya' talk to him?
- Annabell Willart: [Clinton has given her a small Christmas gift] What are they?
- Clinton Willart: Well, they're ballpoint pens.
- Annabell Willart: [looks a little confused] You're giving me six ballpoint pens?
- Clinton Willart: Mm-hmm. I sent away to the Disabled War Veterans for them. Each one's got your name on it, and I thought maybe you could use a different color for a different outfit.
- Annabell Willart: Well, I declare. If you haven't got the biggest darn heart in the whole wide world.
- Annabell Willart: [goes and hugs him] That's the most thoughtful thing I've ever got.
- Ralph Willart: [Inviting three old drunks to his home for Christmas] Gentlemen! The pleasures of my humble house!
- Ralph Willart: [presenting them to his rather shocked-looking wife] These three kings will pause here tonight... and tomorrow they will continue their journey to Bethlehem.
- Berry-Berry Willart: Why'd you tell me you were a virgin?
- Echo O'Brien: Because you asked me, honey. And I was. And I'm not complaining about my new status, so why don't you just quit worrying about it and go on to bed?
- Ralph Willart: Hello? Hello! Yeah. Yeah! Merry Christmas to you, you big gorilla! What?
- Annabell Willart: Let me talk to him. He wants to talk to his mother!
- Ralph Willart: Listen, I can't hear -- your mother's puttin' on a show for us.. Yeah, Yeah. She's squawking her head off. And doing a fanny dance. Yeah. I'll see if I can't talk her into shutting her DAMN big mouth!