Le gladiatrici

This is another film which I have just watched but it has already slipped my mind quite completely! Indeed, the peplum genre – especially in its lowest form, and this is easily among the least I have watched! – has a curious tendency to be instantly forgettable.

The fact that this features no recognizable cast members certainly did not help and, though I purposely scheduled it to be viewed right after the brand-new Marvel/Kenneth Branagh blockbuster THOR (2011), unsurprisingly the film has nothing at all to do with that superhero figure despite featuring a character by that name in the English-dubbed version I watched. Rather, as can be gleaned from the title, it awkwardly blends mild feminist attitudes with the vaguest whiff of Scandinavian mythology (I guess the film-makers could not get the rights to Hercules, Maciste or any of those other muscle-bound characters!); incidentally, it was originally released as, simply, LE GLADIATRICI – that is to say, making no reference whatsoever to the dime-a-dozen he-man hero (here played by the generically-named Joe Robinson)!

However I rack my brain to try to recall the plot details, I cannot come up with anything substantial…and the same goes for the rest of the protagonists, be it friends or foes! I can only surmise that the people involved kept the script handy in order to get from Point A to Point B during the shooting stage of this type of unassuming (read: invincibly low-brow) fare – but it does feel odd that, having gone through 86 minutes of it, there is nothing tangible to talk about after only a couple of days! Actually, there is a 10-page dissection of the film available online…but I will be damned if I am going to read it to jog my memory of it all…but, from the accompanying stills, I hazily recall: Thor fighting a caged ape; his having a colored sidekick; the villainous Queen of Babylos {sic} having a fluffy white cat for a pet; and her gladiatress minions not only getting to don Smurf-like head-gear but forever prone to breaking into the hilarious war-cry of "Elt! Elt! Elt!" WTF?!

Italian muscle movie of the 'sixties with it's brains in its gluteus maximus muscles. Aggressive amazons are enslaving men; to the rescue come the mighty Thor and his black sidekick, Ubaratutu (spelling?). I was convulsed with laughter both times that I saw this flick but many will simply accept it for what it is: a knuckle-headed spinoff of the Hercules series. I haven't seen it listed on TV in more than three decades, either because it's considered too stupid to show (why would that stop them?) or, more likely, because it's just too politically incorrect for our "sensitive" times: Ubaratutu is portrayed as dim-witted and cowardly and always refers to Thor as "master." If you watch this with people who are tuned-in to "camp," it may destroy you, as it did me. I laughed so hard that I cried, but don't say you weren't warned.

Both the Italian ("Le Gladiatrici") and the American ("Thor And The Amazon Women") titles sound like they can't miss, but they do. This film does deserve credit for being one of the earliest films featuring female gladiators, but the execution leaves a lot to be desired. The entire premise doesn't make much sense: why would this matriarchical society purposely kill off so many of its finest female warriors? Might be of interest to some: Harry Baird's impressive muscle display in one scene. * out of 4.

These women have 1960s hair and make-up on - way to modern for the time era this film is suppose to have taken place in. The stupid blue strap around their heads made it worse. And WTF are they wearing? Every single this about this film is ridiculous: acting, story, make-up, costumes, directing, cinematography - you name it.

The costuming looks extremely cheap... most all peplum films have outstanding costumes but his film looks like they raided a dollar store costume department at Halloween.

If you are a guy and want to look at some girls then you might like this film just for that reason alone. I have a feeling if the women were ugly the film would be rated 0.

1/10

In THOR AND THE AMAZON WOMEN, the men have been enslaved by the females of the title. A prophecy tells of a mighty testosterone-filled warrior who will arise to free these subjugated males.

Enter Thor (Joe Robinson), who, at first, refuses to engage this estrogenic army, and is nearly captured. Luckily, a fellow burly man, named Ubaratutu (Harry Baird) rescues him, so that they can hang out in Ubaratutu's cave home and chat in their colorful, polyblend loincloths.

In the meantime, Thor's girlfriend and her son are captured instead. While she is inducted into the Amazon's school of gladiatrixes, her son becomes a slave.

About this time we must ask TWO QUESTIONS: #1- How do all of these warriors keep their hair so soft, manageable, and oil-free? #2- Is there going to be any actual action in this movie? If this were a Hercules movie, many men, women, trees, boulders, etc., would have been flying around like Frisbees by now!

Meanwhile, Thor and Ubaratutu chat on.

Oh no!

Ubaratutu is caught by the fiendish, Smurf-hatted females, and forced to flex his muscles while rotating before their queen! Oh! The humanity! Can Thor deliver him, and every red-blooded man, before further indignities ensue?

Amazingly, though a lot seems to be going on, this movie still manages to be quite dull. Even the final, obligatory "test of strength" is no more rigorous than a "challenge" found on some survival game show! The big revolt also turns out to be less than exciting.

INTERESTING FACT: When men are enslaved by Amazon women, they all sleep together in huge, sweaty piles...