Sex Kittens Go to College

A couple of things. Mamie Van Doren and Tuesday Weld. They are the minimum interest in this completely unfunny, shallow, dim, laugh-less, and absolutely atrocious attempt at broad humor and low-brow shenanigans.

Its only train-wreck appeal is the aforementioned beauties. Everything else misses the mark and cannot be redeemed even by those who love to tout its outdated tendencies and point to all the "talent" on the screen.

Mamie, as always, does her best and wears a trademark shiny, skin-tight dress in one segment that is the standout in this hard to get through parade of "didn't anyone notice that this wasn't the least bit funny" one-liners, slapstick, and cheapness. Watch it if you must to laugh at it and not with it, but the bottom line is that this is just sad.

The remarkable thing is its ability to take so many easily recognizable Characters Actors that apart from this, have done reasonably good work and manage, after all, to put on the Screen a Monkey that outshines everyone.

A college computer nicknamed "Thinko" picks a woman with 13 university degrees to head up the campus science department. Expecting an academic-looking spinster, public relations man Martin "Marty" Milner is surprised to greet Mamie Van Doren at the train station, a stripper nicknamed "Tassels" who has a high IQ and measurements to match (she also speaks 18 languages: "What's the 18th?" .. "English."). Milner (also an associate producer) and Van Doren are an enervated pair; better are Norman "Woo Woo" Grabowski as the captain of the football team who is afraid of girls and Tuesday Weld as a co-ed desperate to get pinned. Brigitte Bardot's sister Mijanou makes her one and only screen appearance as a Frenchie doing her thesis on the human male, Jackie Coogan apes W.C. Fields, John Carradine is hypnotized into joining Tassels on the dance floor, and Conway Twitty wrote the songs. Cult film has all the ingredients for a great B-movie...everything, alas, but a funny script. * from ****

Funny ha ha No. More like Funny nah nah

The director, Albert Zugsmith, obviously grew up watching the popular Three Stooges and the Marx Brothers films and I guess he tried but failed miserably at copying the camp comedy style of either The Three Stooges and/or The Marx Brothers styles.

Even with the very sexy and voluptuous Mamie Van Doren starring in this clunker and adding two gorgeous co-stars in Tuesday Weld, and Mijanou Bardot this film still could not hold an audiences attention.

I think that the director Albert Zugsmith believed that if he just simply kept a bevy of beauties on screen then his male audience would just lap it up and laugh even when the film was downright confusing and plain dumb.

I did not enjoy anything about this so-called poorly made camp comedy except for Miss Van Doren, Tuesday Weld, and Mijanou Bardot which is why I jacked my IMDB rating from a pathetic 1 to a still very poorly made 2 out of 10 rating.

Yes, for the most part, this is a silly, harmless movie. The plot is inane and the characters are ridiculous, though Mamie Van Doren is beautiful and rather charming. The surprise comes late in the film, ostensibly when the robot is dreaming. His dreams are much like the fantasies of most heterosexual men, I imagine. It's just that you don't expect to see this when watching a silly "beach-party-type" movie. In what I suppose is the European version, four women come out individually and perform striptease, down to the tiniest triangle of coverage. I don't know what the other reviewer was talking about- I saw eight boobs without a pastie in sight. The extended dances went on for ten minutes or so, each one raunchier than the last. The last two were bumping, grinding, and literally humping the robot. Both my husband and I were quite surprised. Anyway, fair warning.

"Sex Kittens Go To College" is a terrible film...with lousy writing, dumb acting and not much going for it. However, at least it isn't trying to be a good film and in fact it is trying very hard to be a stupid and terrible movie!

When the film begins, some college decides to hire the perfect professor and they use their computer to tell them the choice. It suggests Dr. West (Mamie Van Doren)--a woman with 15 degrees and with an IQ of nearly 300*! So, without even meeting her, they offer West a position at the school and are shocked when she shows because she's one hot lady...and later they discover she's a stripper! As for Dr. West, she mostly spouts a lot of pseudo- intellectual nonsense which is to supposedly indicate she's a super- genius. On hand throughout the film are a brain-dead jock with some sexual hangups, a group of gangsters, a smart chimp dressed like a student (perhaps Bonzo's cousin), a horny and somewhat dim French student (Bridget Bardot's real life sister) and a LOT of really bad acting!

This movie is much like the later Beach movies (such as "Beach Blanket Bingo")--with very broad acting and writing. It's clearly designed for younger folks who frequented drive-in theaters-- undemanding and dopey. The overall effort is a bit painful to watch and the film is amazingly stupid and just plain bad. Even a guest performance by Conway Twitty (as himself) isn't enough to save this one!

*If you care, IQ scores back in the day were VERY unreliable and lacked real meaning with the old Stanford-Binet. The IQ scores obtained today using the much more widely accepted Wechsler tests top off at about 150...so if you meet anyone claiming to have a much higher score is likely lying, took some online test (that is meaningless) or was tested decades ago.