The French Line

I am so stunned by the hilarious vulgarity of THE FRENCH LINE it is all I can rave about. Stacked to the hilt with personally supervised costumes and showgirl extras by bra master Howard Hughes, notorious for making glamorous RKO into a burlesque production line, the casting couch there must have needed new springs by the time this technicolour-3D extravaganza hit screens Nationwide in 1954. Seemingly made for the knee slapping amusement of rich Texan hicks and crafted by trapped RKO professionals who must have sighed at having to work on such hillbilly antics, THE FRENCH LINE is an oceangoing girlie show wrought into some semblance of a farce. Jane Russell is as usual her spunky insolent self and gets to showcase her famous torpedo talents in outfits leaving nothing not spangled. Her two main numbers near the end of the film are the ones that caused the outrage in '54 and today are probably the best drag queen numbers one could imagine. A masterpiece of tawdry tinsel, swim outfits and frocks. You'll titter all through THE FRENCH LINE, rather like Howard must have all through production. Hilarious! Republic must have realized RKO wanted the bumpkin musical films and realized Judy Canova was no Jane Russell.

Before Howard Hughes managed to destroy his play toy, RKO Radio Pictures, with one production after another that fared rather dismally at the box office and, certainly, with the critics, his sexual preoccupations were on full view in "The French Line"

The Roman Catholic censorship body, the Legion of Decency, did a great deal more to boost receipts than the first-run 3-D presentations ever could when they "Condemned" this one, for all the usual sex-related reasons, since even then the depiction of excessive violence was given a pass. Once a year those of us who attended Sunday Mass regularly found ourselves trapped into taking the L. of D. Pledge (Very few dared remain seated, lemmetellya!), which required us to promise that we would not patronize theaters which made a practice of booking "Condemned" films. Since only foreign films, usually those originating in France, managed to get the "Condemned" accolade and they rarely made it beyond the few New York theaters willing to book them, the stricture about avoiding those lascivious pleasure palaces that dared book a "Condemned" film was interpreted to mean that just one disgraceful example of cinematic lechery could get them placed on the list of verboten venues.

When the Picwood Theater in West Los Angeles (which had a massive auditorium with a huge screen), not far from where we lived in Pacific Palisades at the time, was selected to show "The French Line" in 3-D, I was darned if I was going to have to wait until a neighborhood theater showed M-G-M's "The Swan", Grace Kelly's Hollywood curtain call, on a much smaller screen than when it was booked onto the Picwood's CinemaScope eye-stretcher, only a couple of years after management had dared book Jane Russell's eye-popping embarrassment. Eventually I managed to see "The French Line" on television, by which time our standards of taste had slipped somewhat, and I was sure hard put to understand what that big stink had all been about.

"The French Line" is a musical comedy about love and romance. It contains no sex scenes and no nudity or even toplessness. There is no violence, no foul language and no drug references. It is so square it even features a heterosexual male fashion designer. It seems like the sort of film that could be enjoyed by all the family without offending anyone.

Wrong. When it was released in 1954 it was condemned as immoral by the Catholic League of Decency who, apparently, took exception to the supposedly revealing costumes worn by its star, Jane Russell. Ironically, Russell, herself a devout Christian, had been unhappy about wearing a bikini in the film and had been allowed to exchange this for a one-piece swimsuit, but even this gesture towards modesty failed to placate the League.

The film is essentially a remake of a comedy from the thirties called "The Richest Girl in the World". In that film the heroine, Dorothy, was the heiress to a large fortune. She was worried that potential suitors would love her for her money and not for herself, and therefore changed places with her attractive secretary Sylvia. If any man showed an interest in the supposed 'Sylvia' (really Dorothy in disguise), she would suggest that the supposed 'Dorothy' (really Sylvia in disguise) had fallen in love with him and would welcome a proposal of marriage. The real Sylvia was happily married and had no interest in any of Dorothy's suitors; the point of this charade was that a man who showed any interest in the fake 'Dorothy' had failed the test and proved himself unworthy of the real Dorothy's hand.

In "The French Line" this situation is given a new twist. The heroine, Mary, is also the heiress to a large fortune (from ranching and oil in Texas), but she has precisely the opposite problem. Whereas Dorothy was worried about attracting unscrupulous fortune-hunters, Mary (somewhat improbably for a girl who combines great wealth with the looks of Jane Russell) is unable to attract men at all, as potential husbands are actually deterred by the thought of all that money. (Well, this is a work of fiction). The film begins with Mary's third fiancé in succession breaking off their engagement.

Mary is travelling to Europe on a luxury French liner, and swaps identities with a young fashion model named Myrtle in order to conduct a romance with a smooth French designer named Pierre. In the fifties models were presumably less well paid than they are today, when supermodels will not wake up for less than $10,000. Today a fashion model would probably have more in her bank account than a Texan oil millionairess. (Actually, that famous quote from Linda Evangelista dates back to the early nineties. Allowing for inflation, it must now cost at least $20,000 to get a supermodel out of bed).

This is one remake that is rather better than its original. "The Richest Girl" is a very short film, and seventy minutes were not sufficient either to develop the characters or to bring out all the comic possibilities of the situation; the conclusion, in particular, is rushed and muddled. "The French Line" is a very light-hearted, frothy confection (in many places seeming to double up as an extended advertisement for the fashion industry), but at just over 100 minutes it does have more developed characters, not just Mary and Pierre, but also Myrtle and Mary's old friend Annie, also working as a fashion designer. The one character I did not like was Mary's guardian Waco Mosby. He was supposed to be a larger-than-life, tough-talking Texan, but because he seemed to be the sort of American who treated the Declaration of Independence as also being a declaration of war on the English language, I found it difficult to understand a word he was saying.

Although the music is nothing special when compared to the likes of, say, Rodgers and Hammerstein, the song and dance numbers do add to the charm of the film, as well as showing off Jane Russell's charms to their best advantage. And any film which annoys America's narrow-minded Puritans cannot be wholly bad. 6/10

Oil heiress from Texas, tired of being a one-woman corporation and falling for men who are allergic to her millions, takes a cruise to France posing as a fashion model. Tatty romantic comedy with musical interludes does have some smart lines, Gilbert Roland trying his best as a lovestruck playboy (of French descent!), and Jane Russell in the lead, alternately beaming and scowling, her tall frame self-consciously hunched to make up for everyone else's shortcomings. Russell is very natural and appealing on screen, yet she has a bad habit of filling in the blanks by making silly, exaggerated faces--some of which are funny intentionally as well as unintentionally! A blowsy piece of fluff, the movie does have its pleasures, particularly in the writing department, which is a notch above the fashion show norm. ** from ****

This is one of those obscure musicals that RKO made in the 40's and 50's. But in its day it was a box office winner. The publicity behind this picture was fantastic. Jane Russell was a knock-out in 3D but without this new screen process it was still enjoyable. Wonderful charactor Arthur Hunnicut steals the show as was his custom. Gilbert Roland is good as Jane's romantic interest in a different role for him. The songs are good for the most part. Give "The French Line" a try. If you are a Jane Russell fan, you'll love it.