- Senior: Is that you or my suit talking? I had hopes that you'd grow up to fill my shoes, not my pants.
- Leslie Collier: Aunt Julie, I'm very nervous about tonight. No man ever took me home to meet his children before. I don't know what attack to use. Should I be simple and sweet?
- Aunt Julie: Well, I never got anywhere being sweet.
- Leslie Collier: [Leslie pinches Aunt Julie's chin] You never got anywhere period.
- Junior: Uh, where are you going on your honeymoon?
- Leslie Collier: I'd like to take a trip through the Rockies... with a pack and mules and...
- Enid: The Rockies would be bad for Father's blood pressure.
- Leslie Collier: Well then, we could go to New Orleans for the Mardi Gras, and beat each other over the head with magnolia blossoms.
- [chuckles]
- Junior: Well, that would be bad for Father's hay fever.
- Senior: How would you children like it if we took a nice trip to some clinic. Then we could sail down my bloodstream and take some lovely x-ray pictures of our honeymoon.
- [Leslie giggles]
- Junior: [to Senior as Senior tightens his girdle belt] You pull that any tighter your hat won't fit.
- Junior: I thought you wanted to avoid publicity.
- Senior: Well, when you marry a woman like Leslie Collier, you've got to expect *some* publicity.
- Junior: If you let her get the upper hand you're a dead duck. Take me, for instance. I trained Enid from the very beginning.
- Senior: Yes, and now you've got her - *just* where she wants you.
- Junior: Yes - I mean, no.
- [Senior chuckles]
- Enid: [referring to Carlos Bardez] He did sing beautifully, didn't he.
- Aunt Julie: Yes, but he doesn't need that voice. When you have a face like that, *all* you need is a face like that.
- Junior: [to Senior, the morning after Senior has had a fight with Leslie] You must remember that the first time you were married I wasn't there to advise you. But times have changed since then. Men can't talk to their wives the way they used to. The best thing you can do is to apologize.
- Junior: [after Senior sees Carlos being driven in Senior's car] Yes, it's Carlos, he's coming out to stay with us. Now, all you have to do is go home and say you're sorry and make Leslie believe it.
- Senior: [to the chauffeur] George! Stop by my florist!
- [to Junior]
- Senior: My son,
- [slapping Junior's knee]
- Senior: you're the best father a father ever had!
- [laughs]
- Junior: [to Enid] That's the last straw! Am I married to a woman or a wild-eyed impresario? I'm fed up to here with Carlos and charity concerts. Charity begins at home - and so does a wife. I'm sick of having this place overrun with piano tuners and throat doctors and sprays! I want my chauffeur at the station, my valet pressing my tails, not his. He smokes my cigars! He drinks my oldest wines! He wears my clothes! Why, I can't even take a shower without hearing that platinum canary coughing up cadenzas!
- [sighs deeply and leaves the room]
- Aunt Julie: Boy, that Carlos is a killer diller!
- Enid: Believe me, Leslie, I only wanted to help. I had no romantic ideas about him.
- Leslie Collier: Neither did I.
- Aunt Julie: Hm! I did, but you wouldn't let me get my hands on him.
- Secretary: Don't worry Mr. Henderson. Just fan yourself. Mr. Junior with launch the ship for Mr. Senior.
- Junior: I don't know what it is. Lately, I've had to sign for him, lie for him, lunch for him - and now I have to *launch* for him.
- Senior: Son, I think I'm getting a little tired of you, too. You and your sanctimonious bloom. Why, you've got the virtuous scrubbed look of a poop deck.
- Enid: Do you usually leave this early?
- Leslie Collier: I have to, tonight. In your honor, I'm breaking in a new pair of eyelashes.
- Junior: Will you continue in the theater after you get married?
- Enid: No woman can play two parts. You better make up your mind whether to be a great actress or a happy wife.
- Leslie Collier: You'd have to be a great actress to be a happy wife.
- Enid: Father, why in the name of heaven does Leslie Collier want to marry you?
- Senior: Well! It never occurred to you two old maids that she might be in love with me!
- Enid: Father, don't be fantastic.
- Senior: Oh, I suppose you think it's puppy love!
- Enid: Nonsense. Puppy love at your age.
- Senior: There's nothing wrong with my age that Leslie Collier can't cure!
- Aunt Julie: Honey, you'll always be an actress, mentally signing your own autograph album, "To Leslie Collier, from her greatest admirer. Leslie Collier."
- Enid: Men are like children. Always let them think they're getting their own way. But, if you're smart, they'll never know that you're *really* getting yours!
- Leslie Collier: Oh, I see, you want to launch me as you would one of your new ships - and break a bottle of champagne over my head!
- Enid: Isn't it exciting to have such good looking leading men making love to you all over the place.
- Junior: [enters] What's the matter?
- Senior: Nothing!
- Leslie Collier: Nothing.
- Junior: Everybody's here. The Judge is waiting to preform the ceremony.
- Enid: [enters] What's the matter?
- Senior: Nothing!
- Leslie Collier: Nothing.
- Junior: Nothing.
- Senior: I was a brute to lose my temper. I'll never do it again.
- Leslie Collier: Forget it, dearest. Give me another kiss.
- Aunt Julie: You look grand, Leslie. Blue certainly is your color.
- Leslie Collier: It's gray, darling.
- Aunt Julie: Do you suppose I could get anything for disorderly conduct?
- Leslie Collier: A fine.
- Aunt Julie: Might be worth it.
- Leslie Collier: What are you thinking of?
- Senior: You - and the honeymoon. When I think how we wasted the first two days not speaking to each other, I could stab myself.
- Leslie Collier: And I could twist the knife around.
- Leslie Collier: That's enough now. Drop your anchor dear before you drown in your own sentimentality.
- Senior: Oh, Leslie, you're a hard woman.
- Senior: Why, he's wearing my dressing gown and my slippers. He uses my razor and my lotion and my hair tonic. Why, I even have to carry a toothbrush around with me or he'd be using that.
- Senior: I want to do something more. Something personal.
- Leslie Collier: You mean you want to kiss him?
- Leslie Collier: The first thing we must do is must arrange a concert. At Concert Hall.
- Carlos: Concert Hall? I never hear of this place. What's the matter with Car-negie Hall?
- Senior: What's the matter with the Yankee Stadium?
- Senior: Your friend Leslie has a very peculiar way of doing things, Aunt Julie.
- Aunt Julie: So is your wife. I think of being the extra girl, he'd be my escort. Believe me, I'd have got to first base.
- Senior: The bases are full.
- Senior: Don't flatter yourself that I care one wit about these small, two for a nickel, flirtations of your's. They're just a nourishing cream for your ego. You're still a very beautiful woman, my dear. You don't need these little men to keep proving to yourself how irresistible you are.