- Harvey Allen: What'll we use for a headline?
- Warren Haggerty: I don't care. Anything. "War threatens Europe!"
- Harvey Allen: Which country?
- Warren Haggerty: Flip a nickel!
- Warren Haggerty: They're married, all right.
- Gladys: Oh, but that's arson.
- Warren Haggerty: You mean bigamy.
- Bill Chandler: I thought that was rather clever of me.
- Connie Allenbury: Yes, I thought you thought so.
- Warren Haggerty: Would I ask you to do this thing for me if I didn't consider you practically my wife?
- Gladys: Would you ask your wife to hook up with that ape?
- Bill Chandler: The ape objects.
- Gladys: I don't care who he is. Nobody talks to me like a house detective.
- Warren Haggerty: How do you know how a house detective talks?
- Gladys: Don't you think I read?
- Magistrate: Well I hope you'll be very happy and don't forget to invite me to your silver anniversary.
- Gladys: It'll have to be in the next six weeks!
- Mr. Allenbury: That man is a first class angler!
- Connie Allenbury: If he's first class, I'm traveling steerage.
- Justice of the Peace: [Bill and Connie getting married by a Justice of the Peace] My wife will be the witness. She'll be down in a minute... Oh, here she is now.
- Wife of the Justice of the Peace: [Barely glancing at the couple] Are they sober?
- Justice of the Peace: Well, I... I... I think so.
- Connie Allenbury: This is love, not liquor.
- Connie Allenbury: Any woman can be starved by neglect. The little attentions Bill paid you seemed so much greater, because you weren't getting them from Haggerty.
- Gladys: The only time Warren ever sent me flowers, he signed Bill's name to the card!
- Connie Allenbury: Exactly! He probably never noticed the clothes you wore, never told you how lovely you looked, the way Bill did.
- Gladys: That's right! How did you know?
- Connie Allenbury: Women can't fool women about men.
- Bill Chandler: [Raises a glass of champagne] To my little bride.
- Gladys: I hope you choke on it.
- Bill Chandler: Oh, darling.
- Gladys: Don't call me darling. You know what my name is.
- Bill Chandler: Of course - Mrs. William Chandler.
- Gladys: I'd just as soon have a number.
- Connie Allenbury: You can't build a life on hate, or a marriage on spite. Marriage is too important. Mine only lasted an hour, but... I know.
- Gladys: You can't do this to me, Warren Haggerty. Not to me. First, it was a fire at sea. Then it was a kidnapping. What's the gag this time?
- Warren Haggerty: Darling, there's no gag. The newspaper's made a mistake.
- Gladys: Yeah, well so has little Gladys - engaged to a newspaperman.
- Warren Haggerty: I knew I was a sap.
- Bill Chandler: That's right, you were. But you'll get your money's worth.
- Warren Haggerty: Why, there isn't a newspaper in the world that would hire me as an office boy, would they Bill?
- Bill Chandler: Not if they knew you like I do.
- Gladys: I'll miss my little Billy-kins.
- Bill Chandler: And I'll miss my little fuzzy-face.
- [the bellboy and waiter are standing agape, eating this stuff up]
- Bill Chandler: I'm afraid that dancing isn't exactly my line.
- Connie Allenbury: I should say it was part of your line.
- Bill Chandler: May I be frank, too?
- Connie Allenbury: Why not?
- Bill Chandler: You dance superbly.
- Connie Allenbury: I was hoping for something original.
- Bill Chandler: Oh, dear, life is so full of disappointments.
- Mr. Allenbury: So, you've fished Gluckman's Point? Well, you're an angler all right.
- Connie Allenbury: I should say Mr. Chandler's quite an angler.
- Gladys: [Flowers arrive for her] For me, Billy-kins?
- Bill Chandler: Yes, my little fuzzy-wuzzy, fuzzy-wuzzy.
- Gladys: Oh, they're lovely. Thank you, sugar pie.
- Gladys: [to Bill Chandler] You can't fool me anymore with your hoof, hoof, hoof, or your insomnia, or your publisher. You're a pretty poor sample of a husband.
- [She turns to Warren Haggerty]
- Gladys: Oh, and you're ten times worse than he is. At least he had some excuse for kicking me around. He was in love with another woman. But you double-crossed me for the sake of a newspaper. Well, marry the paper and be the proud father of a lot of headlines.
- Connie Allenbury: [Bill is holding the reins of a horse] Bill, what is it?
- Bill Chandler: It's a horse. C'est un cheval. Es ist ein Pferd. Es un caballo.
- Connie Allenbury: Let's stop clowning.
- Warren Haggerty: Where did you go when you left us Bill?
- Bill Chandler: Intelligence Department Warren, I always did like contrast. Well, Cheerio!
- Warren Haggerty: [introducing] Mr. Bane, my future wife.
- Mr. Bane: Nonsense! I'll be in my office. Get rid of this woman!
- Ching: Maybe Miss Benton again. I'm afraid...
- Warren Haggerty: You're afraid? I'm marrying her, and you're afraid.
- Gladys: I knew I'd find you with a drink in your hand.
- Warren Haggerty: What are you doing here?
- Gladys: Well, what are *you* doing here?
- Warren Haggerty: Didn't Ching tell you?
- Gladys: Yes, Ching told me and I told him and now I'm telling you! I won't stand for it.
- Warren Haggerty: And I'm gonna bring in the best guy we ever had on a libel suit.
- Mr. Bane: Who's that?
- Warren Haggerty: A guy that I guarantee to beat anybody in the world from Ghandi to Garbo - Bill Chandler.
- Mr. Bane: Bill Chandler? Yes. And you fired him - the best man we ever had on libel. You admit it and you fired him.
- Warren Haggerty: Yes, and I'd do it again. He was a heel, a demented double-crossing heel. Tried to run the whole paper. Thought he knew more about it than I did.
- Mr. Bane: And was right.
- Warren Haggerty: Yeah.
- Denver Courier Editor: [On the phone with Haggerty's newspaper] Sure, I know him. Chandler left Denver four months ago. Yeah, and the boss's wife almost followed him to San Francisco. That guy is dynamite.
- Cable Editor: Hey, maybe that guy's dead.
- Warren Haggerty: Yeah, it'd be just like him to die at a time like this.
- Bill Chandler: Still at the Star? Old man hasn't gotten wise to ya yet, huh? Well, one of these days you'll be out on your ear and then the Star will be a first-class sheet.
- Bill Chandler: During the six months I was on the Star, I saved you all told some $300,000. What did I get? A hundred and 25 bucks a week.
- Warren Haggerty: Aw, come on now. You mustn't fight.
- Bill Chandler: Why not? We're married.
- Warren Haggerty: Well, you're supposed to be happily married. You're supposed to be crazy in love with each other.
- Gladys: Yeah, and I must have been crazy to let you marry me off to another guy.
- Bill Chandler: You know, it just dawned on me that I seem to have made myself a permanent member of your party.
- Connie Allenbury: Yes. It's dawned on me too.
- Connie Allenbury: How'd you like a swim in the moonlight?
- Bill Chandler: Swim?
- Connie Allenbury: Later on. You do swim?
- Bill Chandler: Oh, yes. Almost as well as I dance.
- Connie Allenbury: Then you'll drown.
- Connie Allenbury: I do very well for the back streets, but you're ashamed to be seen with me in public.
- Bill Chandler: Certainly. A gal who smears mustard all over her chin.
- [He wipes her chin]
- Connie Allenbury: Thanks. Beautiful now?
- Bill Chandler: No. Just clean.
- Warren Haggerty: [to copy boy] Here son, tell Douglas to print up one copy of the evening edition. Put that item at the head of the society column.
- Johnny: One copy?
- Warren Haggerty: That's what I said.
- Johnny: Gosh, our circulation is certainly falling off.
- Mr. Allenbury: [Speaking about Bill Chandler] You mean to tell me that you married him?
- Connie Allenbury: Yes, father
- Mr. Allenbury: But who is this woman?
- Connie Allenbury: Well, uh, that's Bill's wife.
- Mr. Allenbury: What?
- Gladys: [Putting on a show for a bellhop and waiter] Oh, Bee-yill, there's a telegram for you.
- Bill Chandler: [From the bedroom] Oh, thanks sweetness. Would you open it for me honeykins?
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