Paradise Cove

The most intriguing thing about this movie was that it was SO awful that it borderlines on comical. The acting was on par with a poorly produced lifetime movie, and that was the best part... An emotionally abusive couple moves in to an I'll-gotten beach house with the intention of flipping the property (with the help of their pothead contractor, Griff, who is only good for pretending to get high. The couples plans are put on hold when they discover a mentally I'll homeless woman living beneath the home. Chaos ensues as the couple attempts to flip the property, have a child over the age of 40, all while being thwarted at every turn by "Bree" the psychotic squatter.

This movie has absolutely no redeeming value. Trust ur instincts, pass in this one.

This felt like one of those cheesy made-for-TV Lifetime movies, but worse. The concept story was actually decent - and the main reason I gave this film a chance, but 15 mins in, it felt like a high school drama class production.

Paradise Cove was newb writer Sherry Klein's 5th writing credit, all previous mainly TV movies (which explains the Lifetime TV movie feel). Considering she's a newb, there's some forgiveness for her long dragged out screenplay. It had decent continuity, but lots of plot and technical issues, as well as many "huh" and "wtf" moments. It was highly predictable, with nothing left for the imagination, and the scenes were long and dragged out. The 103 min runtime felt like 3+ hours with the terribly slow pacing. This screenplay needed to be cut/edited down to "at most" a 1 hour TV movie length. You can pretty much fast-forward this film at 10x faster speed, and be done in 15-20 minutes and not miss a thing - even without hearing the dialogue.

But were there is no forgiveness, is the terrible directing from seasoned director Martin Guigui. He could and should have upped the ante with the screenplay he was given. But instead, it felt like a high school drama class production. He had a great cast to work with, but failed to direct them properly. All the acting felt like a bad soap opera, and I know the 3 experienced leads can perform much better. The only somewhat convincing and thrilling performance was Kristin Bauer van Straten. The cinematography was bland, with a 1980's camcorder production feel to it. Malibu deserved sharp bright summer colors - bright orange and yellows, with beautiful blues for the sea and sky, instead of the drab pale and bland color choices that were made.

The score was ok, although I don't recall hearing much of it, which I guess is better than the loud, overbearing and annoying typical b-grade film scores. I'm giving this one a very generous 4/10. Never mind the two current bogus 10/10's, and I'm sure there will be many more, considering the effort from one-week member "David_Vogel_1", who managed to watch 49 movies in exactly 7 days, and rated all of them a 1 or 10 lol. To see how generous my 4 is, compare it to the professional Top Critics on Rotten Tomatoes where it's at 29%. So, should you invest almost 2 hours to see this? Unless you're an obsessed fan of Todd Grinnell, Mena Suvari or Kristin Bauer van Straten, I'd steer clear of this one.

Although it's a complete rip off and of the Keaton thriller it does have a couple redeeming qualities, one being Kristin Straten. Watchable but forgettable.

Plot

A contractor and his wife move to Malibu to flip his mother's beach house and are terrorized by the deranged homeless lady living under the house.

Cast

The consistently weak Mena Suvari stars alongside Kristin "True Blood" Bauer who deserves better than this.

Verdict

This was a film I was entirely unaware of until it popped up on the entertainment list on a flight I was in. Seeing Bauer and being more than slightly tired I decided to give it a try and saying I was underwhelmed is an understatement.

Let me be clear, Paradise Cove isn't a bad movie it's just more like a Lifetime Original movie than a horror film. In fact the more I think about that the more accurate the statement becomes.

Couple are tormented by this crazy mind game playing lady and it never really feels like it's going anywhere and that's probably because it doesn't at all. It plods along, characters behave in rather unbelievable ways, Bauer outshines everyone, Suvari is just dreadful and it builds to a predictable finale that quite frankly makes me wonder if the whole thing was AI made because if an AI wrote a movie it would look something like this. What I mean by that is it's ripped from other movies and is absolutely soullless.

Paradise Cove is a mediocre throw away and forget about movie, nothing more.

Rants

This is one of those realistic horrors but in trying to be it ironically becomes unrealistic because of how characters behave in the movie and they have to in order for the movie to keep going. Characters behave bafflingly, characters allow things to them and then just get on with it in unbelievable fashions which just makes our "Heroes" look week. If people behaved rationally these movies wouldn't be able to exist, that's perhaps something the industry should try to counter.

The Good

Kristin Bauer Not the worst premise

The Bad

Weak leads Entirely predictable That one senseless death trope that I'm absolutely SICK of.

Bad acting, bad script, bad storyline. Everything that happens is just so unbelievable. The story, their actions, just everything. Give it a miss