Jiu Jitsu

With all the high caliber flicks Cage has been flooding the market with lately I was chomping at the bit for this one... and boy did it not disappoint. It was so bad even Zeus's butthole was shocked into submission. You deserve to get arm barred for this turd Nicolas... wow. Matter of fact you would get more enjoyment out of watching a stray dog drop a deuce than sit through this again...

A comet falls from space. In Burma, Jake Barnes is running from flying weapons from an unseen enemy. He falls off a cliff into the ocean. He is rescued by fishermen and brought to the western military but there is bad translation. He's suffering from amnesia. He is a part of a group of Jiu Jitsu fighters battling an alien creature for 2000 years with the fate of the world in the balance.

This is a sci-fi B-movie. The story feels like a high school writing assignment. There are a few real actors here. They are of varying qualities. They have Nicolas Cage. It's obvious that most of the expertise lies in the fight choreography. It's Tony Jaa and Frank Grillo and all the stuntmen they can fit. Oh year, they have a Predator slash Halloween costume bad guy and it's an alien. This is bad with good fights that get repetitive. It's bad but not so bad that it's good.

From the dialogue to the fight choreography, I can't believe they make movies this bad these days, especially with what should be a pretty decent cast. Watch it for comedy value if you're bored enough.

This is one of the worst movies I have yet to see. There is a lot of staged martial arts fighting and if you like that this movie may be for you. The story is really silly and the acting is really second-rate at best. Maybe its really the terrible writing or maybe its the terrible directing, I just can't make up my mind what was worse. When you start to watch this movie you're not sure if its a serious movie or a comedy. By the middle of the movie you really do not care and you can practice speed watching this movie using the fast forward key. I feel almost as bad for the actors in this movie as I do for the people that watched this movie. But at least the actors got paid.

This movie is laughably bad in every way possible... end of review?

Eh. I'll say some more. I could tell it was poor filmmaking almost immediately. Bad everything (acting, dialogue, music, and cartoon cgi). The movie makes zero sense. There are a thousand dumb moments or things to make fun of.

But i figured, if it has good fighting, i could enjoy it. And i saw tony jaa in the opening credits so i thought we might get that.

What do i even say. The fight scenes were TERRIBLE. And it's very odd that it's not because of the usually suspects: quick cuts, shaky cam and close up shots. In most of the fights, none of that was present. And in many, there were extremely long takes with wide shots.

So why were they so bad? I'm not really sure. One of the best compliments i can say about fight scenes is that i could feel every hit, like with john wick and the accountant. This movie was the exact opposite, i couldn't feel the hits at all. And i don't know why.

Maybe it has to do with sound mixing. There was almost no noise with the hits, and sometimes the noise seemed off by a half second. Could also be that they didn't focus on the moment of the hit. I can't figure it out.

But what i do know is, the fight scenes gave me zero pleasure. Combine that with every other movie attribute being terrible and this is just a straight-garbage movie. Damn you nick cage!

... i wonder what movie of his i'll watch next (1 viewing, 5/7/2021)