Elves

Well, sure I didn't have much of any expectations for this movie when I sat down to watch the 2018 movie titled "Elves" from director Jamaal Burden. But still, I do believe that a movie should be given a fair chance. So I sat down to watch "Elves".

And it turned out that it was a massive waste of time. The movie is amateurish at best. And the entire movie just feels like a school project of some sort. I mean, there is very little contents to the storyline that would actually warrant a movie. And it feels like director Jamaal Burden just improvised his way through the script as he went along.

The entertainment value of the movie is very low; so low, in fact, that I didn't even manage to finish the movie. I just gave up about halfway through it. Why? Well, because there was next to nothing to keep me entertained from what I had suffered through in the first half, so there really was no need to continue the ordeal.

For a horror movie, then "Elves" was mundane, terribly mundane. And if you enjoy a proper horror movie, then your money, time and effort is best spent elsewhere.

I am rating "Elves" a two out of ten stars rating, solely because they did try on some level. But I am not returning to finish the rest of the movie, as there really is no cause for doing that. I can't really say that I had any interest in the lack of proper storyline or the mundane characters that milled about with their head under their arms.

A deadly game involving elf dolls (not elves at all) this started out ok when it was hinting that a group of people do an ancient game in modern times and do as suggested.

This film gets more away and not pin point to the subject. The characters deaths are mostly nonsensical and involving the dolls which doesn't do much of anything as the film poster entells...

As you get further into the film it becomes more into folk lore and Christmas but doesn't explain enough and also late in the movie and even then not sufficient to be injected into the story.

Why did I do this to myself? There was ample forewarning before I ever pressed "play," and I knew exactly what I was committing to. As it is I've seen too many other features of this nature. Yet here we are. Unsurprisingly, 'Elves' is poppycock. The only question is if writers Justin Price and Laura Beaumont and director Jamaal Burden intentionally made a film of utmost terrible schlock, or if they aimed higher and altogether lacked the resources or capabilities to achieve it. Is this purposeful pablum - a bone-dry parody, even - or utmost incidental misfire? I haven't seen any other movies involving anyone participating here, so I can make no judgment except on this picture's merits. All I can say is - for your own sake, don't watch this.

The assembled cast members have few if any other credits to their names, and those other titles certainly appear to be on the same level as 'Elves.' Are they all terrible actors? Given the near-absolute lack of nuance or heart in their inauthentic, disinterested, stilted performances, that's a distinct possibility. In the delivery of their lines, in their reactions, and in the most rudimentary movements in any instance, it's hard not to feel like they're not even trying. But in fairness, the material is so desperately thin that I think even award-winning world-class artists would struggle to make something of this. And Burden's direction is - well, a burden to behold. No subtlety, no mindfulness, no care, amateur camerawork and poorly considered shots - and at the same time that he seems to be feeding his cast lines and instructing them scene by scene, there's also a staggering disconnect between Burden and the actors, as though neither player nor director had any concern for what the other was trying to accomplish in any one moment.

There are microscopic fragments of ideas underlying the screenplay. Any attempt to expand upon these ideas, or provide explanations of them, is astoundingly weak, contrived, absolutely unclear and sometimes seemingly contradictory, shattering whatever suspension of disbelief we may have carried with us into this experience. Why, the mechanism of "the naughty list," the way that "the game" and "the elves" are supposed to operate in-universe, is never evident - not for lack of trying, but because the movie makes the core of its own plot wholly confused and incomprehensible. Characters are such hollow set pieces that they barely exist, and dialogue is rotten, repetitive, and generally carelessly penned. Scene writing is haphazard, artless, and flailing in its sloppiness - and, again, very repetitive. And the narrative is all this - and brazenly disjointed, increasingly fractured and muddled, and monumentally specious, beyond comparison to any other film that readily comes to mind. Those special effects that are employed are below the bottom of the barrel - I can't believe I'm saying this (for the second time in one month), but productions from The Asylum are far more believable and fastidious in their rendering than this.

Every element of the film's technical craft and rounding details are either abysmal themselves, or so dubiously overwhelmed by all the other tawdriness on hand that they become totally negligible. And when I speak to the putrescence that 'Elves' represents, I mean it wholeheartedly: the specks of story ideas from which the picture is built do not begin to outweigh the witheringly rancid waste of time it is otherwise, in every imaginable way. So many of these 80 minutes fail to make sense as they present to use, ensuring the entirety is a godawful mishmash of purely foolish gobbledygook.

There is no value here, and no reason whatsoever to watch it. If 'Elves' isn't the worst movie ever made, it's only because it's effectively tied, on par, with too much other cinematic sludge.

Avoid.

Gathered together for a special party, a group of friends forced to play a demented version of The Naughty List are soon subjected to a string of deaths based on the order of their placement in the game at the hands of a demented elf doll and must find a way to stop it from spreading,

This was an absolutely awful effort without much going for it. About the only positive featured here is the sense of the attack scenes where the possessed friend gets under the influence of the doll or the game and is sent on their own forced assassination command. This sole concept alone is the main factor to like as the central idea does provide some decently-handled sequences involving the characters coming across a scenario where they obey the supernatural voices in their head to follow the game or suffer the consequences. The idea of this has some charm and manages to come up unexpectedly enough for it to be quite chilling in concept but is too wasted to be of much positive virtue. There are plenty of issues to be had here. The concept of the game here makes no sense, as how the demonic temptation works, or what the doll actually means, as these issues are completely unrelated to what's going on here. The intent behind the game is completely missing with the group being supposedly friends so that being immediately thrust into it with no explanation about who they are, what the game is about, or why they should play it makes for a game with no stake or reason to care. Since the group is then immediately thrust into these accidents that are said to be the result of the demonic temptation of the doll being put to use for the game, but it has no connection for anything, the plotline is a general mess with nothing making sense or drawing the viewer in. On top of that, there's nothing else here physically to draw a viewer in as there are scores of issues here. The confusing story might have had some life to it if there were some kind of interest in what's happening to their friends but the whole thing has just such a disconnected air to it that it kills any momentum. The inclusion of the masked killer results in overlong, static stalking scenes with flimsy effects, a Snapchat filter that's supposed to represent a possession, and lame deaths featuring very little bloodshed. There are too many instances of the groups' resources being limited by the low-budget origins that come about way too often here that run throughout the whole film so that it doesn't have much in the way of killer doll action with these outside elements holding it back considerably.

Rated Unrated/R: Graphic Violence and Graphic Language.

The movie wasn't scary matter of fact I was laughing everything just looked so fake and the actors/actresses were horrible don't get your hopes up and for a 2018 movie it seems like a 1980s maybe even 1970s movie because of the effects