Top Gear

As I sit here, I find myself perplexed. I'm desperately trying to craft clever superlatives to adequately convey to you the seemingly unobtainable level of terribleness this show has managed to achieve, yet anything I can think of falls cavernously short. This show is truly awful. You could scavenge the world to find 3 blind and deaf mutes from different countries and cultures and put them in a room together and within a matter of mere minutes they would have more chemistry than the hosts of this abysmal pile of trash can muster. The segments are drawn out and boring, offer no useful insights nor information on anything remotely related to automobiles, and have yet to arrive at any semblance of a point. The "celebrity" interviews are painful to watch; almost as painful as the mostly silence as the "star" navigates the test track. The only redeeming moment of this monument to crap are the end credits when you realize you've reclaimed your life.

Really BBC? Did you really think America wanted this disaster of a show? I've given it four episodes, but it's quite evident these guys have absolutely no chemistry and little chance of some developing. It seems the producers spent about as much time putting together this cast as I did writing this review. William Fichtner is the only one with any kind of acting chops, but that doesn't make him a true car guy. He just happens to be the guy that can read the poorly written scripted parts better than the other two.

We watched Top Gear and Top Gear USA because it mixes buddy humor, smart writing and awesome cars both old and new. You've got barely one of three. That's about par with our president's popularity right now - hardly a lofty goal. And like him, I'm sure you can't admit you made a mistake, and bring back Tanner, Adam and Rutledge. If you won't, maybe Amazon will...

I never leave 1 star reviews. It has to be unwatchable on every level. This fits that description. BBC what the hell? The back and forth "jokes" are soooo forced. Sooo canned. What sucks even worse is that you seem to have an awesome front man. Why couldn't you stop micro- managing so much and just let that dude be creative/interesting/funny/entertaining on his own? Oh that's right, you're BBC, you can't allow that. William Fichter, you're a smart dude, you had to have known how bad this was going to bomb. They must have offered you a lot of money. Hell I'd take it too. Don't worry, this won't taint your resume, this show has already been forgotten.

It's bad enough that top gear America got rid of three funny hosts that made the show enjoyable. These three new hosts are bland and with a British host slipped into the cast, it feels like the BBC doesn't trust American hosts to do a good job. I don't have a problem with the hosts individually, but their on air chemistry is painful to watch. There is no chemistry. I would expect better from the British, but I guess they don't want to stick with or go back to what has made them very successful.

When History got rid of Top Gear USA, I had hoped that it would land somewhere else. Then the rumblings sprang forth about BBC bringing Top Gear back stateside under the banner Top Gear America. I was happy again.

But then they re-casted it with new hosts and I'm thinking, "What's wrong with you producers? Did you not learn anything from the recasting of original Top Gear?"

The major takeaway about the Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond, James May departure and their replacements was that the audience of Top Gear believes that the hosts are legitimately friends outside of the show. And we, as the audience were made to feel embraced by this trio of buddies and we follow them along in their adventures.

Think 3 Stooges if you must.

In Top Gear USA we got that from Tanner, Adam and Rutledge. These three guys are every bit believable as buddies. Their chemistry was fantastic, even though it wasn't as good as Jeremy, Richard and James, it was fun watching these friends tease each other in much the same fashion as their British counterparts.

Top Gear America's host are far, far, FAR!!! from that. There is no spark. The commentary during the "Star in a Car" segment is sooo dull and at times they just sit there and don't say anything as we watch the car race along the track at a speed of a school bus. In the opening episode we are even told that these guys were just thrown together, much like a manufactured boyband from a reality show. William Fichtner is really the only glue holding these guys together but that's because his years of experience acting helps him bring that presence to the screen. But he's not a comedian and lacks that comedic timing that is absolutely necessary with a show whose British counterparts are loaded with it and the original American version was coming into it's own as well.

I understand that Antron Brown is a driver and Tom Ford worked on Fifth Gear and in similar capacity as he is here but they don't give off the enthusiasm that Tanner, Adam or Rut when describing cars. I just don't believe that they like cars. They come off bored and I don't know why, especially when they've been given a closed track and a quarter of a million dollar super car to drive into the asphalt.

Compare Top Gear America's first episode of them driving in Baja versus The Grand Tour's episode driving the iron coast in Africa; night and day.

I don't expect Top Gear America to be anything like that of Top Gear but you definitely need to get the chemistry right with the hosts. Producers, you need a reset for your state side reboot. I'm telling you, take your format and bring back Tanner, Rutledge and Adam. Cause this new three "ain't it!"