Brides of Satan

I think the lead for the all girls band said it all: "And now for our next song, 'All This Garbage on My Brain.'" I don't know what to add.

Innocent girl learns and masters the ding/dong of Eastern martial arts, after her boyfriend is killed, Called Rea Vengay in the West, our lead takes it to the other girls who done her wrong. Still wondering what significance the dog had to the story, what little there was. Oh, was that the script you placed on the bar-top.or a poster from a utility pole? Does it matter?

You're not cool if you think of yourself as cool. Other people think you're cool, not you. Cult films aren't made if you are making a cult film from the get go. Where was Lucie Furr, the last ten minutes?

Well, the 2020 movie "Brides of Satan" from writers Joe Bizarro and Noel Maitland definitely was in a league of its own.

Granted, when I sat down to watch "Brides of Satan", I hadn't even heard about the movie. I just saw that cover and just had to watch it. I must admit that I am a sucker for movies of this caliber, despite the most of them being dubious. But every now and again there is a hidden gem in the pile.

And while "Brides of Satan" certainly was watchable, it wasn't exactly an outstanding movie experience. Sure, the movie was good enough for a single viewing, but that was about it. The storyline was just too mundane actually, so director Joe Bizarro didn't manage to bring something unique to the genre.

"Brides of Satan" is semi-sleazy, with a bit too much focus on nudity, mostly in the start of the movie, thankfully. But of course, with a storyline set to revolve around a nude girl bar, duh...

There were some nice enough costumes throughout the course of the movie, I will say that much.

The acting in "Brides of Satan" was every bit as to be expected from a movie such as this; ranging from dubious performances to being watchable and adequate, so there was a little bit of everything here. I can't say that I was familiar with a single actor or actress in this movie, for better or worse.

The score for the movie was a mixed bag of nuts. Some of the music was interesting choices, which actually served the movie well enough, while other music just had me baffled.

I will say, give "Brides of Satan" a chance, because it might just be outrageous and weird enough to suit your particular taste and preferences. I was mildly entertained by what director Joe Bizarro managed to deliver here. And as such, my rating of "Brides of Satan" lands on a four out of ten stars.

Billed as an "action exploitation" film, is a bit of a stretch. A good exploitation film or cult following film is not made because you announce it as one on release. It ends up that way because it has the ingredients to become one, even if accidentally or many years later. Everything about this one is too poor and frankly, too boring. Nothing is over the top. Nothing stands out. Nothing is cringeworthy. Nothing made me laugh intentionally or unintentionally. The movie is 45 minutes longer than it should have been and I was really struggling to hold attention. I'm always on the lookout for the sparkling, obscure low budget wonders that bring something to the table (and there are good ones to be had). Unfortunately, this one seemed like the patrons in Joe's Punk Karaoke bar got bored one night and decided to make this movie. Taking this to a skilled editor before turning it loose could have made it better, but unfortunately, it wouldn't have saved it.

This movie doesn't know what it wants to be. Is it a sleazy movie? It opens in a strip club and lots of breasts are shown. Is it a music video for their friends band? There are at least 3 music scenes in this film. Is it a kill bill rip off because there is an extended scene similar to kill bill. Is it a satanic ritual movie? The name suggests that it is, but it only plays a brief scene. Is it a warriors rip off as there are a lot of gangs looking for the main character. The one thing this movie is is lopsided. The pacing is slow. There are too many plot threads that are ultimately meaningless. I don't mean to be mean, but pick a genre and stick to it.

No pun intended on those initials if you catch my drift. The movie is quite cheap to say the least but surely will find an audience - of people liking this. And no I'm not calling you Shirley! Also none of the jokes that can be found here are close to that quality - so don't expect this to be super funny.

Expect nudity and violence. And also nice cinematography - for a low budget movie that is of course. Make of it what you will - just be aware what you are getting yourself into (no pun intended) ...