The Crooked Man

Michael Jai White!! Will barely appear in this movie! Sadly they used him as nothing more than a commercial, and as a huge fan of the man, I was disappointed. So don't watch it for him, you'll just get annoyed.

Now the movie itself: I wasn't as disappointed as expected. It had some nice elements to offer, the monster looked good for such a production and the acting was so-so. Was there really any horror? Far from it, no tension either, it's a straight serial killer movie, always knowing who is next to die and how.

But as previously said, it was not the worst thing out there. It was an OK way to spend 90 minutes, especially on a very boring night. Therefore if you are a die hard horror fan, The Crooked Man has little to offer, as little as White's presence, so the decision is on you.

Cheers!

The acting was terrible, the graphics were awful, the script was bad. I was annoyed watching it. Save yourself the time and skip this one.

And those kids will be some of the only people to attend your funeral services. That and Michael Jai White. Why did the pizza man even exist in this movie? I can talk all day about how silly this movie is. There are so many scenes. Like when the girl sees the earth tear open and asks a pedestrian who is casually jogging "did you see that?" Or when she gives the description of the crooked mans home "two rocks near a tree in the woods" and her friend knows exactly what shes talking about because he saw something like that as a boyscout. If this movie was making an attempt at parody, it was very subtle. I give this movie 4 crooked sixpence out of 10.

So toward the start of the movie, one girls asks, "Have you heard about the song that kills you if you sing it?" Hmm... substitute "video" for "song" and "watch" for "sing," and you have a used premise. And the Crooked Man himself bears a striking resemblance to another legendary figure that kills people. There IS something of a plot here-kids unwittingly unleash an evil force, it kills a bunch of people until the protagonists (this is NOT a spoiler alert) figure out a way to stop it, and then they do. Somehow, the fact that the production values are pretty good and the cast is adequate makes this even more frustrating.

I'm glad Michael Jai White made some pocket change for his blink-and-you-might-miss-it appearance. But they really didn't give him much to do. He didn't even take his shirt off.

(Well, I was at home with a cold, and it let me pass two hours without having to think. That's my excuse. If you watch this movie, what's yours?)

There is a story here. Not an original one but it's good enough. Children awaken a curse and years later they're dealing with the last of it. Kills, haunting stuff inter-people dramatics etc.

But this movie makes so many bad decisions. The Crooked Man should have looked fine, but not only do they just put him on screen all the time, they put a terrible looking effect on him too.

(There are scenes where he's more out of view and it looks actually good. Those are rare.)

The opening scene really matters for the story and not only is it done poorly, later on you see better shots of the same scene. They should have reused those at the start and even if not, we didn't have to know that.

And it's got a lot of that and it's noticeable. Good lesson on what not to do for a director when everybody else seems to be at least showing up.