- [Vanellope glitches into the Disney Princesses' dressing room. When the girls see her, they defend themselves, including Mulan taking out her sword, Belle holding up her book, Ariel pointing her dinglehopper, Merida pointing her bow and arrow, Pocahontas holding up her cane, Rapunzel holding her frying pan, Elsa holding out her hands, Anna putting her fists up, Jasmine wielding the magic lamp, and Cinderella taking her glass slipper, breaking it and wielding it like a shiv]
- Vanellope: Whoa, whoa, ladies, I can explain! See, um... I'm a princess, too!
- Anna: Wait. What?
- Vanellope: Yeah! Princess Vanellope von Schweetz of the, uh... Sugar Rush von Schweetzes? I'm sure you've heard of us. It'd be embarrassing for you if you haven't.
- [laughs nervously]
- Pocahontas: What kind of a princess are you?
- Vanellope: What kind?
- Rapunzel: Do you have magic hair?
- Vanellope: No.
- Elsa: Magic hands?
- Vanellope: No.
- Cinderella: Do animals talk to you?
- Vanellope: No.
- Snow White: Were you poisoned?
- Vanellope: No!
- Tiana, Aurora: Cursed?
- Vanellope: No!
- Rapunzel, Belle: Kidnapped or enslaved?
- Vanellope: No! Are you guys okay? Should I call the police?
- [Ralph bursts into the little girl's iPad game called Pancake Milkshake, pushing past Vanellope]
- Ralph: Ooh! Ooh, ooh! I wanna try I wanna try, I wanna try! My turn, my turn.
- [He starts feeding the bunny and the kitty pancakes and milkshakes]
- Ralph: Pancake... milkshake... milkshake... milkshake... pancake... pancake... milkshake... milkshake... I'm starting to understand why people like this game! Very zen.
- [the bunny burps. Vanellope bursts through the double-sided doors with more pancakes]
- Vanellope: Hey, everybody! Look what I found! More pancakes!
- Ralph: Sweet! Let's speed it up!
- [He starts feeding the bunny more pancakes]
- Ralph: Pancake, pancake, pancake, pancake, pancake, pancake! Pancake, pancake! Pancake, pancake, pancake, pancake, pancake, pancake! Eat, little bunny! Eat, eat, eat!
- [Vanellope starts to look worried]
- Vanellope: Uh, Ralph, you might wanna try feeding the kitty for a little while.
- [the bunny is now horrifically obese and is stuffing another plate of pancakes into its mouth]
- Ralph: No, the kitty gets the milkshake! The bunny gets the pancake!
- [the bunny forces another plate of pancakes in its mouth. We only see the little girl's reaction as it explodes. She screams]
- Tiana: Well, I guess it's back to the gowns girls
- Aurora: It was lovely to meet you Vanellope.
- Belle: And best of luck finding your song.
- Merida: [rapidly, almost angrily, and in a thick Scottish accent] Arr! Lang may yer lum reek, and may a moose ne'er leave your girnal with a tear drop in his eye! Haste ye back, me lassie!
- Vanellope: Uh huh...
- [whispering to Tiana]
- Vanellope: What did she just say?
- Tiana: [to Vanellope] We don't know.
- Moana: [to Vanellope] We can't understand her.
- Anna: She's from the other studio
- Vanellope: Ah.
- Ariel: Then I have to assume you made a deal with an underwater sea witch, where she took your voice in exchange for a pair of human legs!
- Vanellope: No! Good Lord, who would do that?
- Snow White: Have you ever had true love's kiss?
- Vanellope: Eww, barf!
- Jasmine: Do you have daddy issues?
- Vanellope: I don't even have a mom.
- Ariel, Snow White, Jasmine, Pocahontas, Elsa, Cinderella, Belle, Anna: Neither do we!
- Rapunzel: And now for the million dollar question: Do people assume all your problems got solved because a big strong man showed up?
- Vanellope: Yes! What is up with that?
- Ariel, Jasmine, Pocahontas, Elsa, Cinderella, Belle, Anna, Rapunzel: She *is* a Princess!
- Snow White: [sings a few notes in delight]
- [the Disney Princesses see Ralph falling to his imminent doom]
- Rapunzel: Look up there. It's a big, strong man in need of rescuing.
- [from trailer]
- KnowsMore: Welcome to the Search Bar. What can I help you find today?
- Ralph: Umm...
- KnowsMore: Umbrella? Umbridge? Umami?
- Ralph: No.
- KnowsMore: Noah's Ark? No Doubt? Nordstrom Rack?
- Ralph: Rrrrrr!
- KnowsMore: Ergonomics? Urban Outfitters? Urkel?
- Vanellope: [to Ralph] I'm pretty sure he's just trying to guess what you're gonna say.
- KnowsMore: My AutoFill is a touch aggressive today.
- Vanellope: Let me try. Take me to a website that's super intense and really nuts.
- KnowsMore: Oh, I only found one result.
- Yesss: Guess I forgot to tell Ralph that when you break the Internet you don't literally have to *break* the Internet!
- Ralph: [from trailer; Ralph is frustrated because of KnowsMore's AutoFill] Looks like no-one put Humpty Dumpty together again. This guy's a little soft-boiled.
- Vanellope: I'm pretty sure he's just trying to guess what you're gonna say.
- KnowsMore: Yes. I'm sorry, but my AutoFill's a touch aggressive, today.
- Vanellope: Let me try.
- [She clears her throat]
- Vanellope: Ebay Sugar Rush steering wheel!
- [She slams the search button. KnowsMore convulses wildly and colours flash. He returns to normal]
- KnowsMore: Oh. I only found one result for your query!
- [He shows the webpage for the steering wheel they need being sold on Ebay]
- KnowsMore: Hmm. Isn't that interesting!
- Ralph: What? How did you-?
- Vanellope: Ah, the Internet's very intuitive.
- [to KnowsMore]
- Vanellope: Thank you, Mr. KnowsMore!
- KnowsMore: Well, you're welcome.
- [From trailer; Ralph has gone to the DarkNet]
- Ralph: The reason why I came to your neck of the face... I mean, there's a face in your neck- I mean, woods! Neck of the woods!
- [first lines]
- Ralph: Okay, my turn, my turn! Um, I got one.
- Vanellope: Great, but can you make it a little more challenging this time?
- Ralph: Okay, check this out. I spy with my little eye something yellow and round, and it eats dots.
- Vanellope: Pfft! Seriously, Ralph?
- Ralph: Yeah, seriously. You're never gonna get it.
- Vanellope: Well, obviously it's Pac-Man!
- Ralph: No! That's not - why is that obvious?
- Vanellope: Name one other thing in this whole arcade that is yellow and round and eats dots.
- Ralph: I can name two things: Ms. Pac-Man and Baby Pac-Man. Boom! I accept your apology.
- Vanellope: Yeah, you're right. Okay, but was it Pac-Man?
- Ralph: Yeah, you got me.
- [last lines]
- Felix: [Approaches to Ralph, sitting peacefully in the bench while watching the sunrise] Hey. You doing okay there Ralph?
- Ralph: Yeah. I am, actually. I'm doing great.
- Ralph: [as the arcade characters reporting to their games] Come on, Felix. Let's get to work, Buddy.
- [as the two heads off to Fix-It Felix Jr., we zoom back into the plug of the Linkster Wi-Fi router, then we fade to the interior of the arcade section of Litwak's Family Fun Center, we fade to the doors outside, and finally the parking lot in which Del Litwak's car arrives for work, before cutting to the main title]
- KnowsMore: Either you put all the clones in therapy,- not very realistic,- or the antivirus district is surrounded by a gate made from security software. If Vanellope could somehow lead all of the clones through the gate, they would be deleted all at once; sort of a co-dependent Pied Piper situation.
- Vanellope: We know a pied piper!
- Ralph: We do?
- Vanellope: Yesss!
- Ralph: Who?
- Vanellope: Yesss!
- Ralph: But who is it?
- [Vanellope hangs her head downward, and then Ralph finally gets it a moment later]
- Ralph: Oh, you mean Yesss!
- [from trailer]
- First Order Stormtrooper: [having spotted Vanellope] You're coming with us, kid.
- [Vanellope flees from them and accidentally glitches into the Disney Princesses chamber. They gasp when they notice her]
- Vanellope: Hi.
- [from trailer; Vanellope sees how popups work]
- Vanellope: That looks so fun! Can I be a popup? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I?
- Yesss: Yes.
- Vanellope: Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I?
- Yesss: [annoyed] You're perfect!
- [She gives Vanellope a popup board]
- Yesss: Here!
- [Vanellope happily walks off with the board]
- Vanellope: Thank you.
- [after Vanellope angrily throws the you're my hero medal she made for him down into the older site abyss]
- Ralph: Vanellope, where are you going?
- Vanellope: [as she storms off] Wherever you're not!
- Ralph: Listen, I can expla...
- Vanellope: [angrily turns to Ralph] No! You will not follow me!
- Ralph: Vanellope, please!
- Vanellope: A friend would never do what you did! Never! So, you leave me alone!
- [she storms off]
- Ralph: Vanellope, no, no, no! Please! Please! What will I do?
- Announcer: And now, an exclusive sneak peek of Frozen 2. Click here.
- [Just as Frozen 2 is about to play, the screen suddenly changes to Ralph singing Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up"]
- Ralph: [singing] Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you. Never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye, never gonna tell a lie and hurt you.
- [pause]
- Ralph: Uh-huh! Why would I? I like you! You guys still sticking around? All right! Well, you're welcome to stay. There's not really any more surprises, but, you know. Good luck getting that song out of your head. It's a real earwig.
- [chuckles]
- Ralph: Anyway, what else? Uh...
- Cinderella: [admiring Vanellope's causal attire] Who made your gown? I've never seen anything quite like it.
- Vanellope: Oh, this old thing?
- Cinderella: Oh, I'd so love to have one of my own.
- Aurora: As would I.
- Moana: Me too!
- Elsa: So cool.
- Rapunzel: Best outfit ever!
- Ariel: Oh, I want one too, you guys!
- Cinderella: I'll get my mice on this.
- [the Disney logo comes up on a swirling screen while the transition portion from the Batman theme plays. When it comes back into frame, all the princesses are wearing casual clothing. Cinderella sprawls out on a beanbag]
- Cinderella: [sighs] So this is love. All hail Princess Vanellope, the queen of comfy.
- [the Disney Princesses cheer for Vanellope]
- Rapunzel: Yay, Vanellope.
- Vanellope: [as she enters OhMyDisney.com, like the other girls, with the BuzzTube pop-up on her shoulder] Jeez Lousie. This place is bonkers!
- Vanellope: [as she ducks from the aprroaching Iron Man / Tony Stark] Whoa!
- [the camera pans right from Vanellope to show the rest of the fan-site, as Iron Man is being chased by Tie Fighters from the Star Wars franchise]
- Buzz Lightyear: [Archive voice] To infinity... and beyond!
- Vanellope: [as she sees the Princesses] Aw, come on. Princesses and cartoon characters? Lame.
- Eeyore: [offscreen] Hey,
- [zooms out to reveal him]
- Eeyore: easy there.
- Vanellope: Oh I mean, no offense or anything.
- [Vanellope softly pats Eeyore]
- Vanellope: [heads off] Well, time to get to work.
- [Chasing from the Stormtroopers, Vanellope passes through the catering table, which includes the shadow of Peter Pan, Tinker Bell, Heihei, and Grumpy]
- Grumpy: Hey! Can't you read? "Cast Members Only".
- Belle: [closes book] Well, there's a lot to unpack here.
- Aurora: [nods] Mmhmm.
- Belle: So this steering wheel you sing of, that's a metaphor?
- Vanellope: Ah ah. No no no it's not a metaphor. I literally want a steering wheel. I think the issue was I was a little pitchy.
- Mulan: Maybe a little. But, sometimes your song can't start until you go some place to reflect.
- Pocahontas: What works for some of us is finding a form of water and staring at it.
- Vanellope: What?
- Snow White: Oh, yes. I like to stare at a wishing well.
- Moana: I stare at the ocean.
- Mulan: [raises hand sarcastically] Horse trough.
- Cinderella: Soap bubbles.
- Vanellope: Wait, you're saying if I just stare at some water.
- Ariel: [gets excited] That, important water.
- Vanellope: Right of course. Important water. I stare at the important water and somehow magically I'll start singing about my dream?
- [the Disney Princesses nod yes to Vanellope's answer]
- Rapunzel: For sure.
- Vanellope: Uh, yeah. I don't think so ladies, but thanks.
- Ariel: [looks at her shirt] Of all the thingamabobs in this entire world, I never thought I'd get to wear a real... what's it called again? Oh, yeah. A shirt.
- [Starts singing her signature song as a spotlight shines on her and music plays]
- Ariel: [singing] I once had a dream that I might wear a shirt...
- Vanellope: [Stopping her] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait. What's going on?
- Jasmine: Uh, she's singing.
- Vanellope: Yeah, but there was, like, music and the spotlight and... wait, you all saw it, too, right?
- Tiana: That's what happens when a princess sings about her dreams.
- Vanellope: Oh, that's never happened to me, I mean, not even once.
- Rapunzel: Why don't you give it a try? What is it you really want? Sing about that.
- Hey Nongman: Yeah, um in Captain America: The First Avenger, Red Skull refers to Yggdrasil, the world tree. Guardian of wisdom and faith. Are we to believe, sir, that you are a descendant of that tree?
- Baby Groot: I am Groot.
- Hey Nongman: Okay. Okay, thank you very much.
- [Walks away annoyed]
- Disney Fan: Um, what is Drax really like?
- Baby Groot: I am Groot.
- Disney Fan: Thank you.
- Disney Fan 2: Yeah, are you a conifer or a fruit bearing tree?
- Baby Groot: I...
- Vanellope: [interrupting] Excuse me, I'll take this one. He is Groot. I am Vanellope. Click here to meet Wreck-It Ralph.
- Yesss: First rule of the Internet... do *not* read the comments. Should've told you that.
- Yesss: Look... This place can bring out the worst in some people... but you gotta ignore all this. This isn't about you, Ralph. It's about them.
- Ralph: I don't care. It's fine.
- [sniffs]
- Ralph: People hated me my whole life for being the bad guy. It's just a good reminder that this is the only heart that really matters.
- [Ralph shows Vanellope's heart pendant]
- Ralph: Vanellope gave me this... and as long as she likes me... I don't need anybody else.
- Ralph: And I *sure* don't need the Internet!
- Vanellope: All right, riddle me this... do you or do you not think that Zangief waxes?
- Ralph: No way! Look at the guy. He looks like a yeti!
- Vanellope: I don't know. I mean, if the fur was confined to his chest I might agree. But look at those two very specific tuffets of shin hair poking out of his boots. That does not just happen, Ralph. That is a choice.
- Ralph: You're totally right, kid. He's baby smooth everywhere else!
- Vanellope: I rest my case.
- Ralph: My mind is blown.