Precious Cargo

An action movie with some good scenes, some good lines (best of them being a drunk Nick Loeb asking 'What brings you to Thailand?' and Mark-Paul Gosselaar replying 'Thailand? We are in Mississippi man…'), some good ideas and some good characters (Logan, played by Jenna B. Kelly above all).

In the end, however, the cast fails to catch, the plot doesn't entertain and the film doesn't work.

Probably Claire Forlani shouldn't be older than MP Gosselaar, surely some key scenes (the boat chase, the final showdown, the heist…) should be more convincing.

And the presence of Bruce Willis only worsens the things because it heightens the expectations. A few more films like this and his tough-guy character risks to become laughable.

Boy, did wisecracks degenerate pretty severely since Die Hard and the good ol '90s. This faceplant reeks of cheap thrills, direct-to-DVD actors and, of course, a 150 year old Bruce Willis. I'm about 2/3 into the movie and I've already forgotten half of the plot. Mark-Paul Gosselaar, the Michelangelo of Thieves apparently, acts with the kind of confidence only a guy who thinks Wakeboarding is an extreme sport would. And did I mention every girlfriend is a sniper? Granted, no adults were involved in the making of 'Precious Cargo', or it wouldn't have been made at all. This train wreck is what happens when subpar directors try to make movies for millennials – the most unlikely-to-happen plot in the universe right now.

A few weeks have passed, and that of course means we get yet another movie from the sausage factory that is of schlock producers Randall Emmett and George Furla. This is yet another effort of theirs that stars Bruce Willis. Well, actually it's hard to say that he "stars" in this movie, because once again he appears in a movie where it's clear he knocked off his few scenes in just a couple or so days of shooting.

It's just as well, because Willis gives yet another lazy performance that further shows he doesn't give much of a darn to his few remaining fans these days. Actually, Willis' sleepwalking comes across as Olivier compared to some of the other actors. It was hard to say who gives the worst performance in the movie, but ultimately I give the award to Jenna B. Kelly, who plays Logan. She doesn't seem to be trying at all to add emotion or any other signs of acting to her lines.

In fairness to Kelly and the rest of the cast, they have to deal with a screenplay that is packed with gawd-awful lines of dialogue that even the best thespians would have difficult selling to an audience. What's worse is that some of these lines of dialogue are intended to be funny, and not only are they not funny, they seem to be mocking the audience who is watching this movie.

As for the (limited) action, it's routine at best, and flat and uninteresting at its worst. You may be wondering if there is ANYTHING good to say about this movie. Well, some of the camera-work does impress at times - I wasn't expecting the sometimes elaborate moves by the camera for a straight to DVD movie such as this. Especially one that is bad in every other way you can think of.

For a low budget film it's not bad, it's not great but still it's not bad. It is your usual run of the mill cat and mouse chase where a job goes wrong and the bad guys hunt them down. Bruce Willis obviously is the bad guy and plays the role as a p****D off mobster well. As I started this review of with the words of low budget which cost just over 10 million to make which I'm guessing Bruce Willis is getting half of that so that left 5 million to make the film which shows with some average acting, the action scenes are like it's been made for the channel SYFY and some of the lines are just awful. But despite all the faults above the film is only 85 minutes long so it's not really going to take up your time if you want to watch it.

This proves Hollywood has no imagination, It was nice to see Mark Paul Gosselaar but this movie has been done 10 million times before and with a much better supporting cast, writers and videographers!