Cannibals and Carpet Fitters

I backed this film on Kickstarter in 2017, and received a signed Blu-Ray about two years ago. But for whatever reason, I never got around to watching it until Halloween weekend when I wanted to watch something new. It was still in my stack of "things to watch." The premise is rather simple: a group of carpet fitters go to do a job in a remote country house (in the UK) and quickly discover the family has designs on having them for dinner, literally. There is a bit of a Shaun of the Dead vibe to this, but mostly in terms of attitude. For a low budget (but not micro-budget) film, the performances are pretty good and the special effects well done; there are a few very nice kills sprinkled throughout. It's nothing amazing, but the action starts early on and the film keeps a quick pace once it gets going. It's generally fun and a good ride.

I'm a yank but spent a lot of time in the UK and in similar venues as this one. Great parody of small business where cliches abound but cliches create laughs. loved the dumb blonde who only answers the phone if she's not filing her nails (can't call for help if dumb blond won't answer) The whole rich people in mansions will pay more (absolutely gorgeous footage of mansion house aerial & other) but we'll do a crappy job anyway lends a back & forth ok so they're all a bit unsympathetic) Shout out to 7 foot Phil Martin for always adding the "looming" factor- no camera tricks needed. Fun scenes in places like the kitchen where you can play the continuity game. Fantastic tunnel fun. I'll leave it at that, and attention paid to "wait why is...oh yeah he padlocked it" games Hilarious scenes of incompetent workers with the main contractor increasingly frustrated. Nice sudden 'what the?' scares without needing to rely on "call it in jump scares" Beautiful tasty Gore. This girl loves me good tool use! I consistently laughed hard. I'm glad that the original reception the 'short film received allowed this full one to blossom albeit at a trim under 90 minutes.

This is no masterpiece but the pace is good and there are some good gore FX. It has some funny characters and some typically British humour.

Were there carpet fitters? Yes, several. Were there cannibals, and if so, did they commit over-the-top acts of violence? Yes and yes.

Cannibals and Carpet Fitters was surprisingly fun and delightfully gory. It moved rather quickly yet still had enough time to make me genuinely like the carpet fitters, who find themselves called out to what winds up being the worst job ever.

When the Carpet Fitters of a small town local firm are called out to fit the large country house of Mrs Hanning, not everything is as it appears and soon they find themselves in deep trouble but Carpet fitters don't cry! Soon there are pitfalls and crossbows a plenty as a group dressed from the 'quick fit' commercials battle beasts with an appetite for human flesh.

Cannibals and Carpet Fitters started life as a sharp witty short film funded on Kickstarter which is where I first heard about it. Two years later after steering its way through a quagmire of charlatan film producers, through the sheer grit and determination of its creative team it finally made its way to the screen and I eagerly awaited it with great anticipation. Directed by the very competent James Bushe, who was the man behind Predator Dark Ages fan film comes this sharply directed black-humored comedy horror with a very tongue in cheek, quick-fire script from Richard Lee O'Donnell (Who also acts in the film)

Cannibals owes it's strong concept very much to the old school comedy horror films of the 1980s like Ghostbusters, Evil Dead 2 and Critters - A group of dysfunctional unlikely heroes find themselves facing insurmountable odds and numerous entertaining decapitations. Bushe is not short to recognise this and there's more than one homage to spot but he and his team also inject much originality of their own. Make no mistake, despite the limitations of the budget this is an extremely clever and skillfully made film. Much of its success comes down to the ability of Bushe to understand the tone of the genre he is taking you through and the strong cast assembled in the lead and supporting roles. Zara Pythian renown more for action themed roles really shows her straight acting chops here playing no- nonsense Tasha, while Darren Sean Enright as Carpet Fitter Colin has a terrific knack for comedy timing. But ironically its the actors with such little dialogue that really make their mark - Most memorable are the Cannibal brothers (Mingus Johnston & Lee Charles among them, I can't name the others as they were concealed by make- up and don't have pictures on IMDb) All these actors understood and knew how to work the camera creating extremely well rounded unique and appropriately creepy characters with virtually no dialogue. Additional laughs comes in the form of the dizzy secretary glued to her mobile who never does any work (A hilarious performance from Laura Jean Marsh) and all too easily food fodder couple Gillian and Jack (Jessica Jane-Stafford and Alex Zane) while Jenny Stokes does an excellent performance as a matriarch of the household.

I'll state here, other than having followed this film from its humble origins I have no personal involvement in the production whatsoever. It is rare to see small independent films as this made with such care, passion and attention and go on to produce such incredible results but Bushe and his team here have achieved that in spades with Cannibals. You will laugh, you will scream and you certainly will not look at meatloaf the same way again. Cannibals and Carpet Fitters deserves to be seen, not only because its an indy film but because it's a bloody good one and the best horror comedy I have seen in decades. Highly recommended.