- The Big Bad Wolf: I was there to witness all of them. Each frivolous end. But you didn't even notice me, because Puss in Boots laughs in the face of death, right? But you're not laughing now.
- Puss in Boots: You are no bounty hunter. You are...
- The Big Bad Wolf: Death. And I don't mean it metaphorically or rhetorically or poetically or theoretically or any other fancy way. I'M DEATH. STRAIGHT UP! And I've come for you, Puss in Boots.
- Puss in Boots: But... I'm still alive...
- The Big Bad Wolf: [chuckles] You know, I'm not really a cat person. I find the very idea of NINE lives absurd.
- [angrily]
- The Big Bad Wolf: And you didn't value ANY of them. So why don't I do us both a favor, and take this last one now?
- Ethical Bug: That was horrible! Your wish is horrible! *You're* horrible! You're an irredeemable monster!
- Jack Horner: [mockingly] Wha-wha! What took you so long, IDIOT?
- [Jack flicks the Ethical Bug off his shoulder]
- Jack Horner: [sighs in annoyance before turning to the last surviving member of the Baker's Dozen] You're not chatty, are you?
- [Puss remembers his time with Kitty and Perrito]
- The Big Bad Wolf: What's the matter? Lives flashing before your eyes?
- Puss in Boots: No... just one. I'm done running.
- [Puss drops the Wishing Star map and picks up his sword]
- Puss in Boots: [points his sword at the Wolf] FEAR ME IF YOU DARE!
- Goldilocks: [to Kitty] I thought you were on a spiritual retreat.
- Kitty Softpaws: Namaste.
- Goldilocks: And you're supposed to be dead!
- Puss in Boots: I got better?
- [last words]
- Jack Horner: [trapped in the wishing star] What did I do to deserve this? I mean, what specifically...?
- Puss in Boots: Um... meow?
- [the cats are shocked]
- Ohhh Cat: Ohhh...
- Puss in Boots: What? Did I say something salty? It's my second language.
- Puss in Boots: Okay, okay, one more number. I call this one, "The Legend Will Never Di..."
- [a huge bell falls on him]
- Perrito: I'm Puss's best friend!
- Puss in Boots: No, he isn't!
- Perrito: And his therapy dog.
- Puss in Boots: Definitely not!
- Kitty Softpaws: Finally! You need therapy!
- Baby Bear: Oy, you shut up you little mutt, or I'll cut you from pooper to snooter!
- Perrito: [gasps in excitement] I'm in the mix now! Okay, okay, here we go! You're all a bunch of... knuckle-dragging, honey-scrounging, grump-
- [bleeped]
- Perrito: , oafish-
- [bleeped]
- Perrito: ,
- [bleeped]
- Perrito: -munching, mangy
- [bleeped]
- Perrito: , nugget
- [bleeped]
- Perrito: , and YOUR snooter!
- [bursts out laughing]
- Kitty Softpaws: [looks in the sky] I hate to say it... but should we make a wish?
- Puss in Boots: Kitty, one life spent with you is all I could ever wish for.
- [Puss meets his past eight lives]
- Puss in Boots: You guys are jerks, which makes this very conflicting for me!
- Puss in Boots: [courts a lady] Hola, señorita. Do you like gazpacho?
- [gets crushed by a stampeding bull]
- Puss in Boots: [wins a poker game with dogs by cheating] This is not your night, huh, fellas?
- [the dogs tear him apart]
- Puss in Boots: [drunk] A cat always lands on its feet. Watch!
- [walks off a tower]
- Puss in Boots: [about to weight-lift] No, Puss in Boots does not need a spotter. Watch!
- [gets crushed]
- Puss in Boots: [about to be fired from a cannon] This will revolutionize travel. Watch!
- [he is blown up]
- Puss in Boots: [his face swollen from eating seafood] Excuse me, does this have shellfish in it?
- [keeps eating]
- Puss in Boots: [cooking] I am a master of the baking. Watch!
- [opens a hot oven and is burned to death]
- Puss in Boots: And then there was the giant.
- Kitty Softpaws: [Regarding Puss' beard] What is this? Are you a pirate now?
- Puss in Boots: I think it looks... distinguished.
- Kitty Softpaws: It looks like a possum crawled on your face and died. Of shame.
- Puss in Boots: Please mock me quietly.
- Baby Bear: 'Ey, I'm gonna bust you up, plum-thumb! And then I'm gonna wear your clothes!
- Jack Horner: That was weird.
- Mama Luna: I told you health department people, there are no cats here!
- Goldilocks: Make her talk.
- [Papa Bear goes near Mama Luna and growls in her face]
- Papa Bear: Excuse me, my darling. We're looking for the legendary Puss in Boots. Have you perhaps... seen him?
- Goldilocks: Too soft.
- Mama Bear: [uses her claw to her nasal] Out with it, you old biddy, or I'll have your guts for garters.
- [Mama Luna faints]
- Goldilocks: Too hard! That was not just right! Oi, Baby, sniff him out.
- Baby Bear: You don't tell me what to do.
- Mama Bear: Listen to your sister, Baby.
- Baby Bear: Oh, she's not my sister! She's a fugitive orphan.
- Papa Bear: [slaps Baby Bear] She is your sister. Do what she says.
- Baby Bear: Fine, but all I can smell... is cats' pee.
- Perrito: Okay, Kitty, I think I've got it now.
- [tries to do cute eyes, but starts bulging his eye]
- Perrito: Trust me!
- Kitty Softpaws: Easy, easy. You're gonna give yourself a hernia. Here, one more time. Like this.
- [shows cute eyes]
- Kitty Softpaws: Trust me.
- Perrito: Aw. But of course I trust you and Puss, even without the eyes.
- Gingy: Puss, I think you set the oven too high!
- Puss in Boots: I am a master of the baking. Watch.
- [opens the oven door, fire explodes out and Gingy screams]
- The Big Bad Wolf: I came here for an arrogant little legend who thought he was immortal.
- [sighs]
- The Big Bad Wolf: But I don't see him anymore.
- [puts away his scythes]
- The Big Bad Wolf: Live your life, Puss in Boots. Live it well. You know we will meet again, right?
- Puss in Boots: Si, hasta la muerte.
- The Big Bad Wolf: Well, well. If it isn't Puss in Boots himself.
- [chuckling]
- The Big Bad Wolf: In the flesh!
- Puss in Boots: Uh, hey.
- The Big Bad Wolf: There's the famous hat, the feather and, of course, the boots.
- Puss in Boots: [after he buries his outfit at Mama Luna's] We are gathered here today to say goodbye to Puss in Boots. There are no words to express such a loss. Thank you.
- [walks away, then comes back]
- Puss in Boots: But it would be a crime not to try. He was known across the land by many names. The Stabby Tabby. El Macho Gato. The Leche Whisperer. To some, an outlaw. To more, a hero. To all, a legend. I was right. Words were not enough.
- [walks away once again, then comes back]
- Puss in Boots: But perhaps a song. Who is your favorite fearless hero?
- [starts crying]
- Puss in Boots: Who is your favorite fearless hero? You were, you were.
- Kitty Softpaws: You know, when you said Death was after you, I thought you were just being melodramatic.
- Puss in Boots: Without my nine lives, I'm not... I'm not...
- Kitty Softpaws: What, "The Legend"? I knew I couldn't compete with your true love.
- [Throws the map at him]
- Kitty Softpaws: Here, get your lives back. Just keep them away from mine.
- Puss in Boots: Kitty! Death is after me!
- Puss in Boots: What could they possibly want to offer Puss in Boots?
- Perrito: What's a Puss in Boots?
- Puss in Boots: Seriously?
- Perrito: Wanna rub my belly?
- Puss in Boots: What-what's happening?
- Perrito: Rub!
- Puss in Boots: Hard pass.
- Perrito: Come on, rub! I need the practice. I'm gonna be a therapy dog someday.
- Puss in Boots: What the hell are you talking about?
- Perrito: I'm glad you asked. When people feel bad, they can rub my belly. It'll make 'em feel better.
- Puss in Boots: [Perrito's tail keeps thumping him] Do you mind? I'm trying to eat here. I mean, meow. Whatever.
- Perrito: Oh, sorry.
- [gasps excitedly]
- Perrito: You're a talking cat. *I'm* a talking cat. Let's talk!
- Puss in Boots: [sighs] I'd rather eat.
- Perrito: Oh, not a problem. We can eat and talk at the same time.
- Puss in Boots: No hablo English.
- Perrito: [in Spanish] You speak Spanish? Me too! Where are you from? Do you like naps?
- Puss in Boots: I don't speak Spanish either.
- Perrito: [laughs] You're funny.
- Goldilocks: So long, ya plonkers!
- Kitty Softpaws: [In Spanish] I'm going to make you all into bath mats!
- Goldilocks: Give us the map, or else the baker man gets it!
- Jack Horner: I don't even have the map, Little Bo Creep.
- [Goldilocks throws the man at Jack]
- Jack Horner: Stop throwing my men at me!
- Little Boy: [the giant picks him up] Whee! I'm flying!
- Puss in Boots: No, you are not flying. I will save you!
- Governor: [also gets picked up by the giant] Save me, too!
- Puss in Boots: If it's convenient.
- Mama Bear: [watching Goldi's memories] Oh, this was it.
- Goldilocks: What was it, Mama?
- Mama Bear: The day a little orphan girl broke into our cabin and stole our hearts. The day when our world became just right.
- [after the Wolf almost killed Puss, leaving blood cut on his face, he sniffs the air]
- The Big Bad Wolf: I just love the smell of *fear*!
- [Wolf slowly marches, Puss had flashbacks]
- The Big Bad Wolf: What's the matter? Lives flashing before your eyes?
- [Wolf kicks Puss' sword to in front of him]
- The Big Bad Wolf: Pick it up. Pick... it... up.
- [Puss runs to the bathroom in fear and slams the door. Wolf begins whistling his tune, Puss locks himself in there. Wolf uses the sickle to break the door open, sees Puss gone]
- The Big Bad Wolf: Corre, corre, gatito.
- Puss in Boots: Okay, just get in and get out. Easy peasy.
- Perrito: [appears next to Puss] Lemon squeezy!
- Puss in Boots: Aah! What are you doing here?
- Perrito: I brought you a sword.
- Puss in Boots: That's not a sword, that's a stick!
- Perrito: It's a stick sword!
- Perrito: I'm supposed to be a fearless hero; a legend, but without lives to spare, I am... nothing. I need that wish to get my lives back.
- Perrito: You should tell Kitty. She would understan...
- Puss in Boots: No, no, no, no. She cannot hear of this.
- Perrito: [confused] Okay?
- Kitty Softpaws: [grunts in anger] ¿Adónde fueron ese idiota y su perro?
- Puss in Boots: Kitty will never trust me again; not after Santa Coloma.
- Perrito: But that's just one bad heist.
- Puss in Boots: Santa Coloma wasn't a heist, Perrito. It was a church, with a priest, and guests... and Kitty. Everything but me. I ran away, then, too.
- Perrito: Oh...
- [begins to understand]
- Perrito: Oh.
- [gasps in realization]
- Perrito: OH!
- [whispers]
- Perrito: You left her at the altar?
- Puss in Boots: It was wrong, I know. I am ashamed. I just wish I hadn't hurt her so badly. I regret that day.
- Perrito: So... maybe you should tell that to Kitty. Might make her feel better. Might make you feel better, too.
- Kitty Softpaws: [calling out] Puss? Dog? Oh, there you are.