Yoga Hosers

Saw the "premier" in NJ.

First off, let me say Kevin Smith seems like a genuinely good dude. Actually - he is undoubtedly a great dude. Listening to him speak about film and the whole process was inspiring. It seemed like I was hearing one of my buddies talk. Very down to earth- but at the same time he'll throw out something ridiculous - but hilarious. Listening to him speak was arguably better than the movie. For the record- I wouldn't consider myself a HUGE Kevin Smith fan. I like him- but you know. I'm not one of the die hard Kevin Smith fans. I respect the hell out of him. I must admit though, I haven't seen his latest films.

"Yoga Hosers" had its moments. Johnny Depp is almost unrecognizable and had everyone laughing. For him to go from Black Mass to this is mind-boggling. Talk about versatility. The two main girls might not sit well with people - but with Mr Smiths prologue - I understood their performances. They are supposed to be brats who are obsessed with their cell phones. The movie has a bunch of cameos whom people will recognize from the past and enjoy seeing again. It also had a cool 80's arcade vibe. It's obviously not meant to receive Oscars or critical acclaim; but, nevertheless, it's a fun flick- with some interesting performances. The story itself is silly- in that unique Kevin Smith way. I did feel bad after at the Q and A when he kept saying he was a crappy filmmaker and that he has no skill (comparing himself to Tarantino). I know he's being humble, but it just didn't seem right hearing that. Clerks, Dogma, Mallrats? Classics man. He represents NJ well. I wanted to shout out but I was working. I think he just felt it was important to acknowledge the haters, and I respect that.

So- yeah. This is a tough movie to review. The best way to put it - it's so bad it's good. I think that's the point. It definitely had funny moments. Even some creepy ones. It is a comedy though - before anything else. It's a movie for all ages really. The theater was sold out and cracking up. I do kinda wish they used less CGI - but for this type of story - it is somewhat necessary. It's a shame people have labeled it as "a play date" just because of the father /daughter + father/daughter thing. That's what Mr. Smith said at least.

Overall, if you're feeling up for a weird, funny B - movie and you're a fan of Kevin Smith and Johnny Depp- I suppose it's worth a watch. I had a good time. Like I said- it's so bad it's good.

6/10

P.S. Very cool to learn Kevin Smith and I were born at the same hospital. Riverview Medical Center.

Kevin Smith was good filmmaker. He made Clerks on a shoestring budget. He made the wickedly funny Dogma. And he made the surreal Tusk. But somewhere along the lines he seems to have forgotten certain things.

While Sophia Coppola wrote a love letter to Japan in "Lost in Translation", Kevin Smith seems to have scrawled something on a bar napkin for Canada in "Yoga Hosers". It's frankly a wonder why specifically this movie was made.

The story itself, is unremarkable. Two girls, played by the daughters of Johnny Depp and Kevin Smith play the two Colleens who wind up in the middle of some really strange stuff dealing with Nazi sausages. Yes that's right, Bratzis. The girls are cute but they're not great actresses. You really need more if you plan on building a career for these two.

But that's not the problem. The problem is why specifically is this set in Canada? Put it in the United States and the story would barely change. The only difference is there wouldn't be all those lame Canadian "jokes" that people say when trying to be clever.

Yes. We get it. Canadians have an accent. They say "sorry" differently. They say "zed" instead of "zee". And nobody, especially in Manitoba, says "aboot". Maybe that's an East coast thing but I've spent time in Canada and never heard anybody say it that yes. Sure, it's different than how we say it in the United States but it's not "aboot".

But literally that's the joke. Canadians talk funny. Ha ha ha. Get it? If not it's okay, it'll only be hammered home with all the subtlety of a sledgehammer. If you make the mistake of trying to take a shot every time somebody says "sorry" or "aboot" you'll be passed out in the first 10 minutes.

I'll admit it had some decent moments but overall, it was just terrible.

I'm really not looking forward to "Moose Jaws" because I honestly think it's just going to be more of the same.

Now when I first saw the trailer to Kevin Smith's (Clerks, Dogma) Yoga Hosers I was a little surprised. Now for those who have not seen the trailer for this film, and are asking yourself "What the Hell are some Yoga Hosers?" The trailer focuses on the two Canadian girls from Smith's last film, Tusk. Who work at a convenience store, and encounter Nazi sausages. Seriously. When I saw the trailer, my immediate instinct reaction was "What the f*ck?" It wasn't that what the f*ck with anger, it wasn't what the f*ck with confusion, it really was just a simple what the f*ck. Now I love Kevin Smith films. He always seemed like a cool person, he is well spoken, writes scripts with compelling characters and story, and he seems like the kind of guy you could easily talk with. His last film Tusk, in my opinion was his worst film. The films plot was there and it sounded great. What I personally didn't enjoy was the pace of the film and the characters. At least that film had a story wrapped around in it. Most people, including myself love the art form of filmmaking and movies for two main reasons. That being a story the audience can connect to and characters and audience can connect to. In my opinion, Yoga Hosers has very little story, with characters an audience cannot connect to, it isn't that funny, it's annoying, and I personally didn't get it.

I do not know if Kevin Smith made this film to mess with critics, the media, and fans. Or is he just this bad of a filmmaker now? Sadly, out there in the world there really is an individual who has a film script. A film script with story, compelling characters, a story that is a breath of fresh air, and a script that is really written with heart. Unfortunately, we may never have a chance to see it, because Kevin Smith had to bring us f*cking Yoga Hosers.

Sorry Ah-Boot That

I don't know where to start with this film. For God's sake, there is even a Marvel cameo of Stan Lee in this! I didn't go into this movie thinking it was terrible. I saw it on Netflix, went in with a clear unbiased mind, and 80 minutes later I'm shocked. The one good part of this movie is Harley Quinn Smith and Lily-Rose Depp. Those two actually to capture the spirit of Clerks in a way. I found them to be a little funny. But the rest of it is just bad acting and really bad Canadian jokes. They run the same joke into the ground over and over and over and over again. I didn't know it was possible to offend and be prejudice towards Canadians. After seeing this movie, well Goddamn it is possible if you're Kevin Smith. We f*cking get it, Canadians say EH (A) ever so often. When they say about, sometimes it sounds like they are saying Ah- boot. At first it is a chuckle. After that, it is just sad; the whole movie is Eh and Ah-boot!

That damn title card pops up every ten minutes when they introduce a character is bad! It looks like a want to be Scott Pilgrim and Suicide Squad.The cast is talented, but the story and they way it's written is completely ridiculous. Pucky Charms cereal ever ten minutes in your face, terrible Canadian slang jokes, looks like a 1990s video game in 2016, and this is the director of Clerks, Dogma, and Chasing Amy. There is no way in Hell this movie was made seriously, it is clearly a joke. A joke I personally do not find funny.

This film is worse than Tusk. If you enjoyed it, I am more than glad you did. Maybe I just don't get the joke. Kevin Smith's down dude since day one is in this, Mr. Jason Mewes! And even he is in this for two minutes, with the look on his face like yeah I don't need this right now. Really it is a shame, it's a mess, and I will always like and respect Kevin Smith. But recently his work, his legacy, his films have gone so far down the sh*tter I don't think he can cleanly come back up. Sorry Ah-boot that, yeah you should be sorry for this sh*t you call a movie!

I believe this "movie" earns a…

2 out of 10.

Worst Kevin Smith film.

At first I gave it a chance... I have seen some bad films in the past and endured them to the end but I honestly could not continue the painful experience that this film put me through for 28min. I did skip forward a few times in hope it might get to the point. I doubt though that anyone involved actually knew what the film was a bout. Confusing and badly executed.... I think one star is fair due to it being unwatchable for me... good luck to anyone that makes it to the end.

In the 90's, Kevin Smith became an icon with "Clerks", "Malllrats" "Chasing Amy" and "Dogma". Unfortunately along his next works, he has never reached the same success again.

"Yoga Hosers" is probably the bottom of his career, with an unfunny and annoying story. His daughter and Johnny Depp's daughter acting are terrible and they only had this chance because of the influence of their fathers with the producers. The name of Johnny Depp is embarrassing and used to lure the viewers. In the end, "Yoga Haters" is a means to spend 88 minutes of your life watching a comedy without laughing. My vote is one (awful).

Title (Brazil): Not available