Bikini Swamp Girl Massacre

Granted that this is a Troma movie, but still I had expected a bit more from these people.

I had not even heard about "Bikini Swamp Girl Massacre" prior to stumbling upon it by sheer random luck. I looked at the cover and immediately knew that with a title like that it was bound to be either a glorious spoof of a horror comedy or it was going to suck big time.

It turned out to be the latter...

I managed to endure "Bikini Swamp Girl Massacre" for about 50 minutes before I was ready to claw my eyes out and just tossed in the towel and gave up. The movie was unfathomably bad. From the laughable and stupid storyline to the atrocious acting performances put on by some of the actors and actresses in the movie.

Sure, not much can be expected from a Troma movie, but I will say that the production value of this movie was definitely notched up tremendously in comparison to many of their other movies. Thumbs up for that, but it was hardly enough to salvage the movie in any way.

The special effects in the movie were as to be expected. But hey, at least it felt like they were trying. And that's got to count for something, right?

With my interest utterly shattered in this movie, there is no chance that I am returning to finish watching the rest of "Bikini Swamp Girl Massacre", even with its corny and catchy title. It was just not worth the time, money or effort.

After watching 45 seconds of this movie I concluded that it was created for the sole purpose of having those associated with it laughing at the reviews from people that mistook it for a serious production.

$50 million budget?

No.

Correction, I should say: "No, unless $50 was spent on production, and $49,999,950 was spent on cocaine and Doritos."

But I do give it 9 stars for professional quality trolling -- see other reviews and associated high word count.

As a public service, it should be said you do see two women topless -- one white, one black.

So an additional star for inclusiveness.

When you go into a movie called Bikini Swamp Girl Massacre you have to keep your expectations low, in fact because of it being a Troma/Lloyd Kauffman production I went in with no expectations at all.

I assumed it would be a mindless poorly made slasher flick with high t&a levels. I was mistaken, the t&a levels are oddly low.................that's all I was mistaken about.

The most shocking thing is the reported budget, 50 million. This simply cannot be right, not just because it looks like hell but because I don't think that every Troma movie combined would come close to that figure.

It looks terrible, the camera work is laughable and the cast are so forgettable I never even picked up on their names and just referred to them in my head as Brunette 1, Brunette 2, Blonde, Bald Guy etc.

The overwhelming Troma incompetence is on full display, the embarassing effects, terrible "Blood" and inability to even deliver the t&a as you'd expect. Some horny teenagers will have been very dissapointed by this title.

So what is it? Girls in bikinis in the everglades getting picked off one by one by a psychotic native american. So yeah, high brow stuff.

The movie aims low, slasher & boobs. Manages to fail at both.

The Good:

Nope

The Bad:

How in the blue hell did this cost 50 million!?

Awful cinematography

Acting is the absolute pits

Things I Learnt From This Movie:

Hoop earrings so big that you could use them as a necklaces don't look ridiculous at all....

Troma may well be the worst film company in the history of the industry

This crappy movie was made crappy on purpose, as Troma films always are. You must be either stoned or very drunk on tequila to appreciate and enjoy this film.

I was expecting a crappy fun movie, with bad acting, writing and directing. That's exactly what this movie brings. But, oh my god, there's something magical, that I wouldn't believe if someone told me about it. The editing. I can't tell if the editor ever saw a movie, for real. Normal, dialogues scenes, have a cut per second, sometimes even more. Cutting to reaction shots from characters that are not even important to whats being said. Music cues that makes no sense to the scene. Laughable choices that I can't make justice in here. I urge you, seek it and watch it, it's as bad as it could be.

All that's not even talking about a white actor playing an native american in the most offensive portrayal I've ever seen, and he seems clueless, no harm meant, i guess. That makes it so funny. I LOVE THIS MOVIE