The White Orchid

Northern California - check Crazy women - check Hot women - check (debatable) Psychological thriller - Check (debatable) Hot Lesbian Love - Check (kind of) Crazy cop - yes Crazy doctor - yes Crazy insane Italian sports car - check Terrible dialogue - CHECK Awful wigs/disguises - check Confusing as hell story - check check check Femme fatale buddying you with old lady - check!

You get the drift.

Already the title of the movie conveys that this is going to be a noir experience, and while the beginning seems a little inauspicious in that regard, setting us up with a mousy-looking female protagonist instead of a weary and cynical male one, as is usual for this kind of genre, it does pay off as the character undergoes an unexpected arc and the movie's intrigues get more perplexing.

The cinematography and acting is pretty solid, but not outstanding. I liked the music, and the story was not bad, even if it got quite a bit far-fetched toward the end.

My main points of criticism are that the transition from the nerdy investigator to bombshell blonde was somehow not truly convincing, and that the protagonist and especially villain's actions toward the end seemed rather preposterous. In fact, the self-congratulatory tone of the exchanges between them at the end turned me a bit off.

In addition, due to the similarity of this movie's title with the erotic film "Wild Orchid", it sets up audience expectations for steamy love scenes, of which there is just one, and by erotic film standards it is more on the tame side.

All in all, not a bad diversion, but it could have been better.

As premises go, it's thin: Claire is a freelance investigator for the San Luis Obispo Country Department of Social Services who finds relatives and family members of those who die alone with no known heirs. (Aside: if the count government had such investigators, they'd be working for the probate court, but never mind). Claire is assigned the case of an unidentified murder victim known only as the White Orchid who was killed in a particularly grisly way. She is only supposed to identify the victim and leave the actual murder investigation to the police. Since Claire is a brunette who immediately presents as plain, timid, and inhibited, of course she dives into not only the murder investigation, but the identity of the victim, who was a stylish and (bi)sexually uninhibited blonde bombshell. Just because a movie's premise is thin and implausible doesn't mean the movie can't be good or even great: Hitchcock's Vertigo, which this movie alludes to several times with all the subtlety of a jackhammer tearing up concrete, seems similarly silly on paper, but delivers a great experience to its viewers in its visual style, great performances and direction, and a memorable soundtrack. White Orchid only has visual style going for it. Direction and soundtrack are undistinguished, while the performances are pretty bad, which isn't so much an annoyance as it is a puzzler, since many of these actors are capable of good or even outstanding work (an exception is Nichelle Nichols, who turns in a tiny gem of a performance as a shut-in retiree). It doesn't take long before the viewer realizes what this movie wants to be, and how far short of its goal it fell. You may stay with it for the (unfortunately predictable) plot twists, or you may turn it off before that. I stayed with it despite realizing I would be disappointed.

The story has potential. The main character "shy investigator" is not credible at all as an investigator. The loud exhaling she does is just plain bad and annoying.

This is a pretty good modern film noir. The old staple of having the detective become obsessed with the murdered woman here gets an update by having the detective be a woman as well. Olivia Thirlby (Juno) in the lead role does fine as the detective, but is less convincing when she transforms herself later on -- but perhaps her character would be less convincing in that state. John Carroll Lynch (Fargo, Zodiac) is reliable as always as the sheriff saddled with Thirlby's investigation. And there are other familiar faces from the past - Jennifer Beals, Brendan Sexton III, and Lt. Uhuru from Star Trek. All in all, if you like your film noir in color, this movie is well worth a try.