Lumberjack Man

I have nothing to spoil here because the story is bland, basic, and you've seen it before. What I will say is that this movie is one the strangest movies I've seen in many years. It's very anti-female, slicing and dicing young women relentlessly. It also features barely legal porn stars who think they can act, dancing and prancing with their breast swinging in the air. Several scenes with ugly males hooking up with hot females, all of them showing T and A before they get decapitated, impaled, or whatever. And the girls totally look underage, which is either enticing or bothersome. Acting is high school level. Violence is sometimes dramatically approached, not comedic, and protracted and overdone. It makes the whole experience very odd. Several homosexual references made to both sexes. It's just a horrible movie. BUT, it will stay on my DVR only because of the eye-candy. Call me a hypocrite. 4 stars for the gorgeous young ladies. 0 for the movie. itself.

I just waste my precious 1 hour and 45 minutes watching this stupid, boring and annoying movie. Please don't be like me.. 😬😬😬

Maybe you have to be in the right mood with the right taste in comedy to enjoy this movie, which is why I think many other reviews are negative. But dang it if I wasn't in the right mood with the right taste in comedy. That doesn't make it a great movie, but it was just the right amount of blood, boobs, and genuine chuckles that I wanted.

My advice for enjoying it would be not to expect a good horror movie. It's a decent comedy that alternates between self-aware mockery and nonsensical goofiness (though it's not always 100% clear if it's on purpose).

I'd love to hear a director's commentary on this. I'm sure it would be a lot of: "We don't know why we did it this way, but it was funny." or "This didn't quite work, but we left it in." "They didn't have lines, so we let them say whatever."

Clocking in at an hour and 45 minutes, Lumberjack Man is way too long for a slasher flick. I never thought I'd say this, but it's a case of "too much tits, not enough gore." The film's filler time is devoted to sexual content to the point of over-saturation. There's a scene where two campers watch a counselor strip, dance, and rub lotion on herself for what feels like ten minutes. It especially becomes evident towards the end, the final confrontation dragging on and on. It accentuated the character's stupidity with every pitiful attempt at comedy.

Every scene is extended to either prolong on-screen nudity or exaggerate comedic delivery. Speaking of which...

Despite being a horror comedy, the movie's humor is hit-or-miss. Most of the jokes are overly-long, sexual, and reliant on absurdity. It gets repetitive quickly. Most of my laughs came from the kills, of which some were quite funny and inventive, but they were few and far between. Which is a shame because the cast is larger than most camp slashers.

I also had a lot of problems with the characters. Bumbling, annoying and unlikable.

It's technically functional, sure, but that does nothing to fix how insipid this movie is. In short, Lumberjack Man is an unbalanced, lukewarm, boring film, inferior to other horror comedy films. I suggest skipping it and watching The Final Girls, Tucker and Dale vs. Evil, Behind the Mask, Severance, Stage Fright, or Club Dread.

Very like what was said with 'Knucklebones', have an appreciation for black comedy and horror (and just as much when mixed together) and the concept was kind of interesting. So although expectations were far from high, considering the general standard of low budget films seen recently, part of me was hoping that 'Lumberjack Man' would be at least tolerable.

There are definitely worse films than 'Lumberjack Man', of the horror genre and overall, and it is not even close to being one of the worst, let alone the worst, low budget films seen recently. That on the other hand doesn't make it good, it does far too little with the potential it had in the concept and it doesn't even have enough to make it tolerable. There is little engaging and it is cheesy as sin.

'Lumberjack Man's' least bad component was the music. There was something somewhat ominous about it and it does occasionally give a suspenseful touch.

Sadly, that is pretty much the only praise to give. The pace very badly lumbers, which really makes the film dull, and it is not always easy to figure out what is going on because the story is just so thin and tonally weird.

Regarding the villain, there is nothing surprising or sinister. Actually comes over more as silly and cheesy in behaviour and the goofy look. The lack of any atmosphere, let alone tension and suspense, is a hindrance as is the too long by half an hour length.

As is the incredibly bad writing. Very stilted and induces too often some unintentional laughs. There were attempts at dark humour, but it was not dark or sharp enough and was instead silly and clumsy. Madsen's explanation is just ridiculous.

Even worse is the acting, with beyond description terrible performances from the whole younger cast and it even makes Michael Madsen, clearly phoning in and either doing the film for money or as a favour, look bad. The characters are incredibly annoying and far from interesting, there is no development and the way they behave too often is stupid and illogical.

The production values all round look cheap, especially the haphazard editing. The story has nothing engaging, suspenseful or scary, it's just far-fetched to an intelligence insulting degree, incredibly dull due to trying to stretch things out to pad the too long length and just too bland. Anything done to try and spice up the supposedly scary moments came over as overdone and gratuitous.

Overall, very poor in almost every single area. 2/10 Bethany Cox