Unlucky Charms

I didn't expect a lot from this movie. Thought it would be stupid fun. It looked like your classic, B-grade slasher film. I was expecting cheesy monsters, little plot, with a little bit of nudity and lots of graphic deaths. I was very pleasantly surprised. This turned out to be one of the best written movies I've seen recently. The acting wasn't great and the effects were weak. But the writing made up for all of that. It was a compelling story, with deep, interesting characters and it included one of the best integrated exposition dialogs I've ever seen. My only complaint is that there was a point where they seemed to rush for time, so the end seemed hurried. But the rest of the film makes up for that. This is a must watch film.

Looking to win a modeling competition, a group of girls at a remote Gothic mansion trying to get the top prize are slowly removed by a greedy entrepreneur in the competition through the use of powerful leprechaun gemstones, and when they get tired of being pawns strike back against their plans.

This was quite a fun cheesefest. That in itself is the greatest aspect featured here which runs rampant throughout the film. This is apparent from the very beginning with the introduction to the Leprechaun and the other monsters attempting to look into the human world and to segue from that into one of the hokiest excuses for a modeling show which looks incredibly cheap and low-rent if it were a real show. Getting to see the monsters run around the mansion conducting their brand of mayhem on the competition is all the more fun for how long it goes on into the film before they find out what's going on as their mischievous antics allow for some cheesy fun here. Manipulating themselves into looking like the others which not only allows for some cheesy nudity but also giving off the chance to see their magical powers in action and all that entails. Overall, this is the best aspect of this one. The main aspect holding this one back is the sheer audacity of the premise which is decidedly so goofy it's impossible to take seriously. Indeed, that is the whole point here with this one but the make-up work is truly laughable in terms of their overall appearance as each of the creatures has something to dislike. The Leprechaun's frizzy hair and slick face glean in the light unnecessarily, the cyclops' face is nearly immobile, making it's source materials obvious and the oracles are just silly expressionless masks. That goes together with the constant fantasy-laden magic effects and a lighter tone through the constant spying on everyone looking to find the source of the missing magic to create far more of a comedic-fantasy than a genuine horror film, especially in the latter half where the mischievous beings are revealed to be controlled by evil forces all along and all the horror elements are dropped considerably. When you don't fear the main creatures, the film has issues that are hard to overcome.

Rated Unrated/R: Graphic Language, Nudity, Violence and a mild sex scene.

I'm a big fan of bad but entertaining movies. Unfortunately this one is just bad.

The majority of the film is a fictional depiction of an America's Top New Model sort of competition, and is just as annoying (when it isn't boring). The main difference is that the women don't look anorexic, which is quite welcome, but unfortuantely most of their mass is plastic.

Oddly for a film whose main appeal (besides horror) is meant to be T and A, the one and only sex scene involves a woman who goes out of her way to awkwardly cover up her breasts with her arms. Because, you know, one always feels the need to be modest in front of whoever they're having sex with. There is another nude scene, but largely of appeal to fans of beachballs.

As for the horror: That part of the plot seems to have been almost completely forgotten. Most of the makeup is mediocore (for some reason they have a leprachaun who isn't even all that bad a person looking like he has bad eczema). And the visuals of the film give it the look and visual mood of a kids show like The Wriggles. No shadows, bright saturated colours, etc. Even in the age of digital replacing film, most directors still manage to create some mood. Not here.

Charles Band at least remains a competent music composer, but you've now heard it all in his previous films.

This review may reveal plot points, so spoiler alert. This is a stinky pile of trash. Bear in mind I have loved Full Moon since the VHS days and I appreciate what they often succeed at doing with their unusual movies, but this one stunk it up! Let's do some of this in question format. Who was that red guy and what was wrong with his face? Who were the others, exactly? Why did they indiscriminately "greenbeam" people with varying results? Why did they "greenbeam" those 2 and kill them? If you are killing bad people, why did that #1 bitch not get it first or at all? I wanted her to die and she did not! How did that black lady have control of everything and why didn't she have more control than she did? Why did the creatures oppose her, exactly, and why did they seem so weak also? There was no real plot, no explanation of their "plot", no conclusions or anything. Bad effects and senseless deaths where the victims just vanished forever. It would have been cool if that one "bitch" was turned fat and then stayed fat and maybe the others could have been similarly punished for their wickedness and then maybe have the chubby or the mean one win out for their sincerity or purity of heart or whatever. The best part was that it just ended, oh and some of the acting was just awful. Terrible movie, even for Full Moon. Please get some help with the script writing, I think Charles is overworked with that AND the music and all.

UNLUCKY CHARMS

The second terrible movie of my birthday night was Unlucky Charms. I thought that it couldn't get much worst after Piranhaconda... but I was so wrong.

Unlucky Charms is about a reality TV show for models. They are all trying to get the top prize, but one of the judges has got a magic charm bracelet that lets out these creatures who kill off the contestants so that she can have their souls and stay looking young.

Sounds rubbish right? It was worst than that.

I honestly can only think of one good thing to say about this movie. There was one character in the film that I really liked. He was one of the creatures and he had this huge mouth. The mask and make up was terrible, but I just thought he looked really good.

The story was so bad... I hate these reality shows anyway... so to make a movie from it is just hell foe me. The only reality show that appeared in a story that I loved was Dead Set. I can't stand watching these women pretty much begging to be a model. I can't think of anything worst.

The acting was diabolical. Every single person in this film should never be put in front of a camera again! Name and shame time... Jessica Lou Allen, Peter Donald Badalamenti II, Roman Beetz, Sophia Beetz and Anna Sophia Berglund... lower your heads in shame.

Again just like Piranhaconda, there were plenty of half naked women posing and bouncing about for absolutely no reason. In the end we were just laughing, saying we should get a clicker to count how many times there are pointless shots of women's butts.

The worst part for me was the fact that this film didn't even have the comedy value. I laughed a few times at pretty much everything in this film, but once you got about 30 minutes in, there is not much laughter after that.

The effects and make up were terrible. You could clearly see the monsters were just wearing rubber masks. They didn't even attempt to blend in the eye sockets. what a joke.

I suggest avoiding this film at all costs... it is close to being one of the worst movies I have seen... not quite though.

I will give this film 2 out of 10.

Not even worth a quote!

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