Assassin

I don't know what fills me with despair more - the fact that Danny Dyer keeps making " movies", or the fact that I keep watching them.

Anyway in this one Danny plays Danny Dyer pretending to be a hit-man ( zzzz) who falls in love with...I've lost the will to go on and this is just the synopsis on the DVD box.

Anyway Danny is in this, along with that Kemp from eastenders . and his brother ( no, not Steve Mcfadden the other one). Danny spends much of the movie riding about pointlessly on a motorbike. Well I suppose the running time has to be padded out somehow.

There is little action and no suspense. After a dull action scene in which Dyer wanders about without taking his crash helmet off ( like a less animated version of the Stig with a lisp), he receives a summons to meet gangland heavies martin kemp and his brother ( not Phil Mitchell). After a cheeky nandos and some top bantz wiv da lads, Dyer gets the info on his next execution..and from there things begin to get interesting . ( if by interesting you mean predictable, boring and idiotic).

As usual Dyer looks bored and vaguely resentful, martin Kemp looks grateful to be earning enough to pay for hair dye, and everyone else seems to be auditioning to be an extra in The Walking Dead.

There is nothing that resembles a plot or a denouement.

Insert your own joke about Danny Dyer and "helmet". I can't be bothered.

Begins well. Unfortunately the first 5 minutes or so are the absolute highlight. I watched this film mere hours ago and it is already beginning to fade from memory.

Admittedly there were no real "cringe" scenes in which i believed the acting or dialogue or cinematography to be horrible yet nothing stood out about it.

In my mind, the greatest films are the ones you can not only remember, but take something away from the "experience" of watching them. This film was the opposite. I expect to have forgotten it by the time i wake up tomorrow.

Final Advice: Watch only if your intention is to pass time (procrastinate) and you have no real interest or expectation of this movie.

LJ

Review: I don't think that you will be that surprised that I didn't really enjoy this movie. It seemed quite cheap and the storyline wasn't that great. Its about a hit-man (Dyer) whose been hired by the Kemp brothers to take out a business man who cheated them out of there money. While Dyer is scoping his victim, he falls in love with a club dancer who happens to be his victims daughter. When he finally takes care of business, her identity comes to light and she starts to put the pieces together to try and find her father's killer. The Kemp brothers don't like the fact that she is meddling in there business so they hire Dyer to take out the girl, which he is reluctant to do. They then flee from London so she can be safe, but they soon get hunted down so Dyer has to use his skills to protect the girl and his own life. It was good to see the Kemp brothers together again, after the brilliant Krays movie, but this movie was terrible. I predicted what was going to happen, right from the beginning of the film so the storyline wasn't that great. I've seen Dyer play these type of roles, many times before so his performance was average but the Kemp brothers were great. I found the girl quite annoying after a while and the awful music all the way through the film didn't help. At the end of the day, it's just your everyday Dyer movie. Poor.

Round-Up: After watching this film, I really can't see were the budget went. It's filmed around London but most of the scenes are in houses or in a nightclub. Anyway, I honestly think that Dyer going into Eastenders, was the best thing for his career because his movies are really poor. There's only a handful of movies that were really good in this genre, like the Business, Sexy Beast and Essex Boys but there isn't anything original coming from the UK. I rate Dyer for not going to Hollywood to try and make a big name for himself and he has kept true to his acting abilities but he has really hit a dead end when it comes to the movies that he chooses. I'm glad that they stopped bringing out all of the football hooligan movies because they were getting a bit tedious and there's not that much range for movies in that genre. The problem isn't only in the UK! We have hit the time of the remake in Hollywood which has made some of the big actors only take original projects. That means that we have a flood of new actors who can't really act or haven't got any screen charisma. Anyway, in this movie it really is the Kemp brothers who show professionalism and steal the screen. I just hope that they take on more projects in the future.

Budget: $3.5million Worldwide Gross: N/A

I recommend this movie to people who are into their English gangster movies about a hit-man who is given a job that he is reluctant to do. 2/10

Danny's character was build upon low, piercing eyes and a voice you could hardly hear. Slow and soft to make him appear cold but then he falls for a girl whos father he contract killed and his Assassin credentials leave the plot.

Its watchable for Danny and Kemp alone but it felt cheap like a B movie and didn't have any real surprises.

Pros. Dyer and Kemp

Cons. Felt cheap with poor camera angles and a predictable plot that undermines Danny's character and demeanour.

I have no idea why he spoke so slowly and soft to give that i am not scared of anything look.

I have seen wooden posts give more realistic performances. Why do casting agents keep putting forward Danny Dyer, the man can't act for s*%t, he really is useless.

He likes to portray these hard men roles but can't quite carry it off as he is known for being a whining little Muppet in real life, its a bit like casting Woody Allen as Captain America, it might be entertaining but it would in no way be believable.

Danny Dyer should really stick to making hard men programs for Dave or UK Gold...

In the real world does anyone actually watch one off his movies with a hope of seeing a serious character portrayal, unfortunately it has got even worse since his Eastenders appearances, Danny should quit whilst he is "slightly" ahead and get a job presenting nice little quiz show like Bradley Walsh...