Zombie Night

I must screw my courage to the sticking place on this one. Being a fan of everything else he's done, I was expecting quite a bit more for my money from John Gulager. (I paid for the TV I saw it on, the electricity it took to get through it, and the outrageous monthly satellite bill that brought it to me, so, yeah, I paid- out the f---ing a--...) I was expecting something along the lines of Dan O'Bannon's THE RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD: Gulager has in past instances shown that he's more than capable of rising to the Low Budget occasion (with everything else he's done)- but, this time around, for whatever reason(s), he simply didn't deliver. At the very least, I was expecting a cameo by his father (and it would've been extra cool if said cameo had been tied into his role in THE RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD). Again, no such luck. I'm far from consigning Gulager to the list of Has Been Directors: he has more talent in his little toe (left foot) than most directors (p)lying their trade these days. Maybe next time he'll come through for us.

Zombie Night (2013)

* (out of 4)

The Asylum are back and this time they're brought an Oscar-winner with them. The "story" is pretty simple as a zombie outbreak happens but the good news is that people just have to survive until the sun comes up. It turns out that these zombies are just out for one night so a group of people must try to survive not only the zombies but each other. ZOMBIE NIGHT certainly isn't NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD but I personally didn't expect it to be. You've gotta have rather low expectations when it comes to these films to appear on SyFy but there's certainly no excuse for a film to be this bad. There are all sorts of issues with this movie but the real criminal is the screenplay, which is just downright confusing and boring. The "plot" deals with about three different families who find themselves battling the zombies and then each other. I'm guessing this was originally meant to tell three separate stories and then bring them together (ala PULP FICTION) but it fails horribly. The entire film is just very sloppy in regards to the story and quite often you're sitting there dumbfounded trying to figure out what's going on and why so many humans are acting so stupid. Horror movies need characters to do dumb things but these here are just too dumb for their own good. The direction really doesn't add any excitement as the entire thing just has a rather slow feel to it. The shocking thing is that even the zombies are rather lame because they just don't have anything that sets them apart from the countless other films in the genre. The gore level is pretty high and there are a few nice death scenes, which at least keeps the entertainment going a little. Daryl Hannah and Anthony Michael Hall are the main stars here and it's nice seeing both of them even if their talents are wasted. Oscar-winner Shirley Jones (ELMER GANTRY) appears here briefly and even gets to spit out some blood. Rachel G. Fox rounds out the cast and is fun to watch. ZOMBIE NIGHT is about as bad as you can get but sadly it doesn't reach a "so bad it's good" level like many other films from The Asylum.

Ok. Went into this hoping for the best as I like Anthony Michael Hall, Daryl Hannah and Shirley Jones. I also can accept that a 'TV' movie will be a bit more dialed-down to appease the masses and the censors. Which is the only reason I gave it 4 stars...I could look at Daryl Hannah all day. What I can't accept is complete, and utter stupidity on the part of the characters. That, and the fact that all of the characters were eminently unlikeable and irritating, from Shirley Jones' blind mother to the petulant teenage boyfriend to Anthony Michael Hall's protective father character, they all come across as utterly unprepared for something as mundane as an empty peanut butter jar... "WHAAAT? There's NO peanut butter ? How am I going to make a P&J without peanut butter????" From leaving perfectly working automobiles, wondering if they can 'hotwire' a car when one member's car is in their garage to taking shelter in a SEE-THROUGH flimsy plastic structure to the family looking at someone as if they had just massacred a village for locking a hysterical person in a bedroom, the movie just irritates to no end...well...there IS an end, fortunately. But it takes a lot longer to get there than the stated run time.

Zombie Night was always going to be one of those movies that people shouldn't expect that much from, but even when judging it for what it is you do want evidence of some sort of fun. You don't get that with Zombie Night, instead you get a complete failure on all levels with unintentional humour that gets more increasingly frustrating than anything else. The best thing about the movie is the make-up for the zombies, even when the least amateurish asset it still wasn't that good. With the rest of the production values you could tell that Zombie Night was made in a rush- especially in the editing- and with little signs of care or love. The dialogue is vomit-inducing in how inane it is, the timing is also sloppy and the line delivery flat. It does provide some unintentional humour to begin with but very quickly hearing so many what the...? gets frustrating, plus it does get needlessly convoluted at times. There is no real narrative to speak of, what there is shows lots of predictability, endless ridiculously dumb moments(the bunker and cemetery scenes for examples), no signs of life and the thrills, fun and horror elements are so empty and scrappily done with no signs of surprise that they feel non-existent. The less said about the dull and abrupt ending the better too. The characters are either irritating(Nana) or infuriatingly stupid(Karen), at no point do we root for them and their actions are so stupid beyond belief makes them even less likable. If there are any characters we do root for it is the zombies, unfortunately that is not saying much as they are under-utilised and personality-less. The actors don't or can't do anything with their characters or dialogue, very amateurish. It is ironic that the Oscar Winner Shirley Jones ties with Jennifer Taylor as the worst acting performance in the movie, and Anthony Michael Hall and Daryl Hannah are pretty much wasted. In conclusion, if you want any delights with Zombie Night you will be disappointed. It is not quite as bad as the abysmal Vampegeddon(doubt that many people have seen it and for good reason) but there is a big emphasis on the quite. 1/10 Bethany Cox

Made a full decade after Zombie Night (2003) which I'd consider one of the worst zombie movies ever made, the title is recycled and we're presented with another zombie piece.

I was conflicted what to expect initially, it's a Scyfy original and I actually think the Scyfy channel do horror quite well. However on the flipside it's made by the rather infamous The Asylum and they seldom make anything even remotely watchable.

So a zombie outbreak occurs, a town becomes panicked and crazed and we follow a group of survivors of whom you'll recognise quite a few.

Anthony Michael Hall, Daryl Hannah and Alan Ruck demonstrate here with their inclusion just how low their careers have sunk. Remember when Hannah was a prominent Hollywood star? Those days are well behind her.

Directed by horror legend Clu Gulagers son he does a decent enough job here in fact the whole thing has clear influences from both Romero and the Return of the Living Dead series (And in competent fashion).

It feels like an old school zombie movie and though it staggers in the centre it is actually better than you'd expect all things considered.

However, zombies have certain "Rules" present in their lore and here they decided to tweak a couple and that damages the movie more than I can express here.

Zombie Night would have been a passable affair if the writer hadn't decided to go into business for himself.

The Good:

Old school zombie movie

The Bad:

Some poor music choices

Zombie "Rules" changed

Things I Learnt From This Movie:

During the zombie apocalypse the police need to be vigilant with looters

Little known fact, zombies enjoy playing fetch

Warning: Parked cars can randomly explode for absolutely no reason