- Daniella Riva: What is that white thing?
- Cooper: Oh, that's my underwear.
- Daniella Riva: That's no underwear. That's a diaper!
- Cooper: I like a lot of coverage.
- Cooper: Mrs. Riva, I'm Officer Cooper. I'm here to escort you to Dallas. You must have not seen me.
- Daniella Riva: Oh, I saw you. I was trying to hit your flat ass.
- Cooper: Mrs. Riva, I am a police officer.
- Daniella Riva: Oh please! Look at you! You are teeny tiny! You look like a little dog that I can put in my purse.
- Cooper: I can assure you, ma'am, that I meet the minimum height requirement of an adult female my weight.
- Cooper: You don't have to like me but I'm your best chance at surviving... What the heck is that?
- Daniella Riva: Philippe must have put baking powder in the car.
- Cooper: How much baking powder?
- Daniella Riva: I don't know, maybe like 42 kilos.
- Trucker: Hey, are y'all okay? I took that turn way too fast. What the heck is this white stuff?
- Cooper, Daniella Riva: Baking powder.
- Cooper: We're bakers, muffins, toast, cakes.
- Trucker: I should call the police.
- Cooper: No, I am the mother f'in police. Don't you see? There's no major damage here. You're free to go.
- Trucker: But I destroyed your car.
- Cooper: I SAID YOU'RE FREE TO GO!
- News Reporter: Officer Cooper stands at four feet, 11 inches.
- Cooper: Oh, come on!
- News Reporter: The other suspect, a 45-year-old Latino woman.
- Daniella Riva: 45? My madre!...
- News Reporter: Officer Cooper is four feet, nine inches.
- Cooper: I am five-foot, two.
- News Reporter: Traveling with a 50-year-old suspect.
- Cooper: You're in danger, ma'am, but everything's going to be fine.
- Daniella Riva: What about my husband?
- Cooper: Everything but your husband's going to be fine.
- Daniella Riva: [hysterically] Ahhhhhh!
- Randy: I know who you are. You all are wanted.
- Cooper: I am a police officer. Mrs. Riva, she's a federal witness in my protective custody. Everybody in this state is looking for her, dirty cops and the cartel. We need a couple hours to lie low. Now, can you help us with that?
- Randy: I kind of like your smile.
- Cooper: We have to get out of this car right now or they're going to kill us both. Follow me... Mrs. Riva is having some problems with some lady business.
- Police Officer: Can't she just hold it?
- Daniella Riva: No, you see, once a month it sheds its lining.
- Cooper: It sheds!
- Daniella Riva: So that the eggs descend into the...
- Detective Hauser: Oh my God!
- Captain Emmett: What I'm about to say can't leave this room. Do you know who Vicente Cortez is?
- Cooper: Yes, he is the top lieutenant in the cartel. He is known as the Bank of Bogota, the Tender Tender, the Lender Lender, the Money Launderer, El Chapo, the Pork Chop...
- Captain Emmett: Okay, okay... Tomorrow morning, you will escort our witness to Dallas so she can testify against Cortez... But Cortez has killed every witness we've had.
- Cooper: [in Spanish] I can't wait to see you behind bars.
- Daniella Riva: Do you speak Spanish?
- Cooper: [in Spanish] Shut your mouth.
- Daniella Riva: [in Spanish] You tiny little whitey.
- Cooper: [in Spanish] Your big, fat mouth.
- Daniella Riva: [in Spanish] Birdbrain.