Mob Handed

So I just watched this. I cannot describe what I've just seen, but as no doubt you can imagine it was not good. In fact, it was diabolical. You may ask you where many of the movies stars have been, as huge numbers of them are faces of yesterday bought into the present. Clearly in their departure from the big screen, or small screen, they have found things tough, and in some cases forgotten to act.

I heard about Mob Handed because Kim of Kim and Aggie appeared in promo pictures from the film, yet from the final cut, she's missing. I can only assume she saw the film and asked to be removed. I'm forced to remember a line by Hotel Inspectors Alex Politzi in which she say "I always think I've scraped the bottom of the barrel, but I haven't." That is an accurate statement for this movie.

This is far and wide the worst movie I have ever seen in my entire life, terrible acting, wrongly portrayed reactions, confusing lacking plot. And the worst lead actress of any movie of all time. This film is shocking.

I'm not sure what the writer and director were trying to achieve with this film, but they failed. A rambling series of disjointed scenes which were well-suited to late night showing on Channel London Live Sky117. That is, bad language and violence. Avoid.

Even Ed Wood would disown this. Terrible dialogue, plot. Amateurish would be too respectable for this.

Was it made as a joke?

With so many actors who actually have acted in quality productions one would think they would have spotted the terrible script, plot and editing and advised accordingly or were they so hard up that they would take any job? That could be the case but its a pity.

Unnecessary awful violence aplenty here, unrealistic depictions of news reporting. Dave Courtney makes a strange appearance driving a tank of all things to crush someone in a car.

Never seen such rubbish and Ive seen some turkeys.

When I realized that there was an actor in this vigilante movie named Charles Bronson, I laughed. Charles Bronson, king of the seventies and eighties vigilante movies from the USA. Remember DEATH WISH long series..No user seems to have noted it. This very feature is so bad, so cheap but son fresh to watch in the same time. I was not bored only a second in this UK crime movie. And I begin to get used to UK crap. The British, crap, grade B - I would say - Z industry seemed to begin in the late nineties, although I discovered it only a couple of years ago through UK Amazon DVDs. But I sometimes found some good gems such as GUVNORS or TOP DOG. I still have batches to see. I will keep you informed, of course. See you soon.

I was recommended this film by a friend, who had seen it and spread the word because in his words "you need to see how horrendous this is." Its like a lucky dip of absolute mess. The lead actress Yvette Rowland appeared in another rotten film of the same ilk called "Killer Bitch", which featured British porn stars who acted her off the screen, she was so bad. Amazingly she's even worse here.

There's an episode of Only Fools and Horses where Rodney Trotter is making a student film, and Del Boy is getting money off a bunch of people around the city to star in it. I can only assume this is how the casting process went here. There are people from every kind of Z-list TV area in this thing. Half the cast of the Bill shows up, I imagine because Celebrity Big Brother wasn't interested that month. Former child actors who haven't worked in years and haven't seen down the lens of a camera since they were caught stealing from Poundstretcher. Dave Courtney pops up in a tank. What?! Daniella Westbrook and Dirty Den arrive to bring the star power. Either Leslie Grantham hasn't got any work coming in anymore or he's on a mission to do something so embarrassing on camera that people forget about him sucking his finger on a webcam.

Basically the plot is that there is a pedo on the loose, who killed the daughter of the lead actress and now she's out for revenge. Only she portrays all the emotion of someone who isn't pleased that someone left the iron on. There's a lot of cockney accents saying "fakin' slag." The actors in this make Danny Dyer look like Laurence Olivier doing Hamlet. Its the pits. I was jealous of some of the torture scenes in this, because all I could say to the TV was "you don't know how good you've got it mate." The funniest thing about it is that the lead actress is listed as "producer" as well. If the whole film was meant to build up to that punchline then this film maybe knock off This Is Spinal Tap as the funniest movie ever. What a brilliant build. Either than or she's dating the bloke who is funding it (which seems way more likely), because there is no other way she'd be hired by anyone else to act.

You should watch it. It may be the worst film ever.