Necronomicon

So... I'll watch pretty much any b-horror movie, and I've definitely seen my share. I also go to the Lovecraft Film Festival so I'm used to indie films. This was something else entirely. Firstly, it's like the makers of this film said "Hey. Let's use Lovecraft's name to suck people into". Then, it was like they hired a bunch of actors and gave them no guidance or direction. The narrator has no real emotion or intonation, its like he's reading cue cards off camera, Tom Sizemore clearly has 0 pronunciation coaching, and the lead is just boring as hell.

This is a movie that keeps referencing Aleister Crowley but it feels like someone read a wikipedia entry on Crowley and thought that was good enough research. In fact, they just read the wikipedia entry out loud in the film and then go "Gee whiz golly. How will I ever fight out more?"

And I haven't even begun to talk about how the CGI just looks like Inshot overlays...

This is a terrible film but not in any fun or redeeming way. Like its no "Manos: Hands of Fate" or "Birdemic" which have their merits as "so bad it's good" its just... bad.

I am quite sure there are some artistic snobs out there who will gush about how this is some esoteric masterpiece, and if you are one, go for it.

Otherwise, what crap.

The first 15 minutes is just painful to sit through. If I hadn't kept going I would only have given a single star as a drama school video class project, one where they were trying to copy Sin City ... but sooo badly. The script was abominable. The special effects were simply horrible. The lighting was high school at best ... or someone tryin to create an 'artistic masterpiece' (yeah right) and failing miserably. Once the big names started in with their cameos it got SLIGHTLY better, but I also hope a few agents are going to get an earful after they see the finished project.

For you artsy types, go for it. I am sure you will say thigs like "you just don't understand the ... (fill in the blank)". For me, I know street crud when I see it ... or step in it.

This is directed by a guy who has only made 4 films in his entire life and the last one was 30 years ago about Dolly Parton. This give you an idea where the movie is going.

In the dumpster.

The first 15 minutes is a voice over car chase done in CGI with a guy purported to be controlled by the devil. It's sleep inducing.

Cut to what they say is NY but nothing looks like NY and everybody is speaking with a British accent.

Cut to New Orleans. Supposedly some old Alester Crowley house but it's clearly a tourist spot. You can see the fees to get in and tour on the wall!

Lots of the shots were clearly filmed in England. You can tell by the electrical outlets.

30 minutes into this garbage and no Bai Ling or Michael Madson or Tom Sizemore yet. They are supposed to be the stars.

Finally, Sizemore arrives, as large as Orson Welles, filmed against a plain white background and obviously did this god know where but the guy he interacts with isn't there at the time of filming. He's a voice over! And cutaways of him were added at a later date!

Horrible. This is a train wreck. I would have shut this off by now but I thought I'd sit around for Ling and Madsen.

Glutton for punishment.

Bai Ling is next on the agenda, filmed so dark you can't see her.

It's so dark, I'm not sure what I saw. I'm not even sure what her segment is about or how it relates to the movie, but all of a sudden, the guy has a giant bird tattoo on his back. It wasn't there 5 minutes ago!

Then there's a bunch of voice overs with Sizemore that are complete duplicates of what he said before.

Bai shows up again and the guy doesn't seem to recognize her as the girl thatwas with him 10 minutes earlier.

50 minutes into this and Madsen finally comes in, looking like total crap. He's in it for no more than 3 minutes and back to NYC.

With 15 minutes to go Bai ling shows up a third time.

The movie made zero sense. I can't believe I stuck with it. It sucked big time. Don't Bother. Your Time is More Valuable.

As a card carrying member of the H. P. Lovecraft Historical Society, I will start by saying this is a hard pass. The makers of this film clearly have ZERO knowledge of the source material. Numerous characters in the film mispronounce the name of the Necromonicon... The titular tome... Multiple times. Also, aside from a character at the beginning of the film seemingly reading off the biography of H. P. Lovecraft from Wikipedia, there is virtually no mention of Lovecraft or Lovecraftian themes, tropes, etc. As a matter of fact, it's almost like the writers of the film wanted to make a film about Aleister Crowley instead but wanted to use the Lovecraft name to snag unsuspecting viewers like me. I can safely say, Aleister Crowley had nothing to do with Lovecraft's fictional Necromonicon, as it was written by the mad Arab Al Alhazzared. Also, the film is all wrapped up in Christian demonography which has zero to do with the elder beings and old gods of the actual Lovecraftian Necromonicon.

All of that aside, even as an enthusiast of schlocky B movies, I found this film to be horribly written, terribly paced, it had awful washed out audio throughout. The entire first twelve minutes is a weird Sin City-esque CGI car chase, complete with awful rear projection behind the driver who delivers a Frank Miller style monologue the entire time. There's also an awkward sex scene shoehorned in where you get to see Bai Ling's nipples if you're patient enough to get a half hour in. A lot of the "bigger name" actors don't even appear in the film and are simply dubbed into conversations with the main character.

If I could give this film a zero out of ten I would.

The movie focuses on the legendary Aleister Crowley for the most part, in very poorly lit rooms of no relevance. As said on other disparaging reviews here, the first thirty minutes and the last ten are harder to watch than it was for me to read your collective reviews of this film.

Depending on your mood, and if your interest in the Occult is fairly high -- be like Nike, and just do it already. It's not in the same league as far as good Lovecraft movies are concerned, Dagon is by far and away the best rendition of the man's written work and they did the best with had they had to work with there on that beauty.

So, the CGI driving scenes BREAK this movie for the majority of watchers because it's such shoddy work, and the would-be tough guy is some fat lamer with a feminine voice. Weak. But the dialogue discussing Crowley and the Golden Dawn's importance to Occultism, and occasionally throwing in the Necronomicon, is acceptably interesting to me...