Sharknado

Sharknado, the hit SyFy Channel original has positioned itself as critic-proof, cheeseball goofiness incarnate. The entire enterprise is a joke. Sharknado knows it is a cheesy SyFy original movie, and it doesn't apologize for it. It is tongue-in-cheek, self aware, and sarcastic. "How can you criticize this movie?" some might ask, "It's supposed to be goofy!". Well goofiness is great if it is entertaining. Sharknado is not entertaining in the least.

I'll skip the credits, skip the plot and get right down to business, this movie is a crappy made-for-TV snooze-fest, starring D-list celebrities and made by inept "filmmakers" who seem to have trouble differentiating between endearingly cheesy and downright bad. Sharknado is "critic-proof" because of the assumption that viewing the movie critically would expose its cheesiness, which is intentional. However, the problem with Sharknado is not that it is silly, it's that it is boring.

The cast has no charm, the effects are in a dead zone between not bad enough to be funny, and not good enough to be convincing, the look of the film is murky and dull, and the action scenes are incomprehensible and poorly edited. Sharknado is an absolute bore. It is an example of how a critic-proof, self-aware, tongue-in-cheek cheesefest can still go horribly wrong. Yes, I "get" Sharknado. It is meant to be a dumb B-movie, I understand, but dumb fun does require more than just conscious stupidity. Sharknado is not entertaining, a flaw that will sink any movie, whether it has shark-filled tornadoes or not.

20/100

When I saw this glorious film on the esteemed syfy network, I knew they had another massive, award winning hit that would get snubbed out of any award ceremonies. Now, time to be serious. I assumed Tara Reid was dead. Didn't even know she was alive so I was shocked to see her in this movie. Sharknado was like a cluster f word of things that didn't make sense. It was so bad that I couldn't stop watching this train wreck of a movie. Bad cgi doesn't cut it. While it may not have been birdemic bad, but it wasn't much better. Watching the movie all the way through is what I am assuming a brain aneurism feels like. I am sad that I watched it.

That's it. That's my review. I can't top the title in explanation, you have Twister and Jaws in one movie with none of the budget or talent. It's the best B movie I've seen. I can't top that. I can't expand on that. I'm literally just typing to fill IMDb'S 10 line rule. See this line? This line holds no purpose! Just watch this movie. That's it. That's all. Oh look I reached my limit. I can post this now. I can post this simple stupid possibly junk review now right? Because this movie is review proof. It's perfect. It's awesome. WHY ARE YOU READING THIS AND NOT WATCHING TORNADO SHARKS!? Seriously you have no reason to read anymore, you know this movie contains Sharks and Tornados. It's exactly as stupid as you think, go watch it NOW!

People seem to think that this is the be all end all of bad movies when in actuality the movie was made this way on purpose. The thing that separates a good bad movie from a bad bad movie is intent. Take The Room for example. When Tommy Wiseau was making that movie, he had the best intentions and really thought that it was going to be a great movie. This is what makes it so satisfying to watch this movie. Wiseau put a lot of time and effort into it and it was utter crap. Sharknado was made to be dumbed down to reach their target audience and make them feel smarter than the movie. You can't point and laugh at the director because this is what he wanted all along. What makes a film "So bad it's good" is sincerity. Movies like Machete or Sharknado or the latest Asylum Mockbuster are either intentionally shitty or crass cash-grabs. Great terrible movies like the Room, Miami Connection, and Birdemic are completely sincere and honest in there awfulness, and that's what makes them special. Sharknado is just ruining the experience of bad movies for people. All in all, if you truly are interested in bad movies, I recommend you watch something like Troll 2 or Miami Connection. Then again, what do I know? I'm just some asshole on the internet.

With a title like Sharknado, you expect weird. This movie delivers.

Grab some friends, lots of snacks, and a mammoth amount of suspension of disbelief. You're now ready for SyFy channel's latest escapade into the realm of the psychotically silly. This movie acts upon the mind like a mind altering substance, taking it to a land of shark-infested water spouts, science gone mad, absurd visuals, and movie making run amok. Riffing is optional; the movie is goofy and deranged either way.

A freak-storm turns into tornadoes/water spouts that vacuum up a zillion sharks that are swimming around and whisks them off to southern California. Some of the finny predators are pitched into local freeways and everywhere else, while other sharks continue to spin around in the hurricane. The sharks take no prisoners as they swim around soggy streets and wreak havoc with laughable CGI attacks. I did notice however that they obeyed all traffic laws while they swam through the streets.

This movie swims its way ever further into the realms of the jawbone dropping bizarre, with several key scenes to be on the lookout for. Look for the random one-in-a-million rescue near the end, and the wacky idea the heroes use to try and save the day. This sort of chaos is common throughout the entire movie.

Kudos to the movie makers for this pure unabashed nonsense.