Amelia's Children

I mean, what can I even say about this movie that I absolutely despised? Can I talk about the good elements of it, the parts I enjoyed, the parts that worked to create an interesting narrative? I wish I could, but I honestly can't think of a single redeemable quality in this entire film. The characters were unlikable, the story wanted to be grotesque but wouldn't show you anything to actually induce fear, and even the cinematography was basic and had no passion. The times the movie wanted to be creepy were so few and far between, that the only thing that ended up being truly nightmare inducing was Amelia's face after years of cosmetic surgery.

It's truly incredible how you have a movie about a witch that has children with her own sons and then eats them to regain her youth, a horrifying premise in and of itself, and you end up making the most mundane and least scary movie possible. I just don't understand how this even happened. It's like the creative team read the premise and then decided to not ruffle any feathers, not offend anyone, and not really create anything truly horrific, instead opting to alude to the witch and use dream sequences to sometimes show what she does, but never having the cojones to actually do it.

This is the worst kind of horror movie to me. A movie that uses a great premise but ends up yielding a tame, inoffensive movie where nothing really scary happens, everything is suggested and not actually shown, and the conclusion ties nothing together, leaving the viewer to wonder why he even wasted and hour and a half of his life on this movie. I really wish I would have read reviews for this film beforehand, as I would have wanted to be warned before investing my precious time on a film that wouldn't enrich my life in any way.

This is why I'm writing this review, to save as many of you from watching this movie as possible. Do not make the same mistake as I did, as life is way too short to spend it watching these types of movies that contribute nothing of value to your life. Read a book, take a walk, listen to your favorite album on repeat. Anything is preferable to watching this film.

=== Disclaimer! This is not a serious review. ===

Watched purely because crushing on Carloto Cotta :- )

Well, the wig and the w__ker hipster accent was quite funny. A lot of things seemed funny but I genuinely couldn't tell you where to draw the line on how much of it was intentional. I'm also easily scared so all in all, I was watching it like, okay, this is ridiculous but scary.

So the premise that it can be um.. tricky to get on with your family is nothing new - I do indeed have relatives, duh. But the film offered me another perspective: dealing not only with my own family but the family of my (hypothetical) partner. Currently single, I sometimes imagine what it'd be like in a new relationship. You know, you get a nice boyfriend (not with *that* accent but anyway). And he's good-looking, of Portuguese descent, and everything's fine but then, his weird bloody relatives enter the stage... And there you are, complaining to your friend on the phone how you're having trouble cos' they have too much influence over him, etc, etc. Say what you want, that IS scary to me!

Overall, if you don't take it too seriously it's a fun film for a one-time watch. Consider it a horror with the elements of comedy.

P. S. The accent is not real, as in they used a voice-over actor for it. And somehow the thought that my fave Carloto couldn't physically sound like that gives me comfort <3.

First of all, this movie is mostly in English so don't get scared off by it being Portuguese. The leads both do a commendable job with average dialogue and plot.

Those things really aren't the main reason to watch. It's the creep factor for me. Super freaky mother character with really good prosthetic make-up that steals the show.

The story is also very creepy and I believe is Portuguese folklore. About the witch mother - no more details here you'll have to watch it. You'll find out pretty quick that the house is not going to be a fun place to visit.

Overall it's a good film, not great. Enjoyable horror and well acted. 6.4/10.

While filmed well enough and looking at least somewhat polished, there is one element that make Amelia's Children more unintentionally laughable than scary.... While there is great cinematography and some great effects, the main antagonist has this laughably gross look that detracts more than it gives, especially during some of the more significant scenes. The bits of blood are at least done well enough and there is some polish to how scenes look. Night scenes almost have that sense of terror, with some selectively great suspense-building shots and just enough lighting to see what's going on, except again the laughably comical looking antagonist.

Acting is more miss than hit. Performances across the board were wooden, with only a few moments of true acting range during heightened tensions. I wish there was more to say here..... The story is, likewise, barebones and all-too-familiar. Once the bits of backstory come about, you've already guessed most of it and the rest is far too easy to predict..... The soundtrack is a bit too repetitive as well, with far too many similar sounding compositions popping up. Sound effects are only around for specific bits and don't add anything to the scene either.

If you really, really, want to watch a movie with a laughably bad looking antagonist, then I guess Amelia's Children would be the one to watch. Otherwise there isn't much going for it, aside from some great visuals.

No pun intended - and not even close to the "not without my daughter" I am riffing off. This is quite different from that - I mean this is a horror movie, so you got a major difference already! That said - let's focus on what the movie is actually about: family, aging, death and legacy. The movie made me think - about a possible future about the unstoppable ... row of time.

Not really a feel good sentimentality I am putting out there. But it is what it is - which is also true about the story the movie offers - as in predictable! I don't even think you have to have watched many movies to get where this is going.

The characters seem to need a bit longer to get the obvious I reckon. One of the actors doing double duty (well actually the mother in a way too, but differently, as in being only one character) ... and the one character he is playing is quite out there .... the main characters make fun of him - but not sure that is enough to make away the cringe you may feel.

A few good shockers, a few completely unnecessary scenes (a signing that really has no merit and no excuse being in the movie - unless there is some deleted footage that would tie or explain its existence) ... overall it does have the right themes and might give you a horrible feeling ... just maybe not the one you were looking for ...