Krampus: The Christmas Devil

My first year student film in college was better than this turd, for which there isn't enough polish in the world to even give a glimmer.

An old college buddy of mine actually made a little spoof/mockumentary about asshats who get a camera and a budget and have NO idea what the hell they're doing. It's really funny if you're a filmmaker, lots of in jokes, free, and DEFINITELY better entertainment than this pile of manure:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-wBKVNO22gc

1-10 Ratings: =========

Dialogue = 0 (lines don't even make sense sometimes, like when the two cops are talking to each other in the police station, it's like they just mined the cheesiest dialogue from the worst cop movies ever made)

Plot = 0 (I've seen 2 other Krampus movies, and I STILL don't know what the hell THIS story is about)

Acting = 0 (your grandmother can act better than any one of these talentless hacks)

Cinematography = 0 (non-existent, doubt the "filmmaker" even knows the meaning of the word)

Costumes = 0 (I think my 8 year old nephew could come up with a better costume than this on a budget of $10 at the Dollar Store)

OVERALL = 0 (staring at a bucket of water with a ruler in it to measure condensation would be more fun, I'd take 12 inches of evaporation over the torture of the 1 hour and 20 minutes I just endured)

I stopped counting how many flaws I found in this movie. From the painfully obvious rubber gloves on Krampus, to the news reporter who was on channel 9 but said she was on channel 12 (could be wrong channels, I forget now, but NO WAY was I going back to confirm). The bar scene with an audio track depicting a large crowd, no one there. The gratuitous topless girl who was there for absolutely NO reason but the director felt a pair of tits would help ratings? Kudos to the girl, that even though her scene was unnecessary, she has very nice breasts. The only thing good in the movie but still not worth wading through the minutia of bad footage to see her. Blood changes color, makeup was horrid! The acting was abysmal! IMDb did not have a budget listed for this movie. I have a feeling the producers, director, actors, whoever had to pay IMDb to list this piece of crap. If ANYONE gives it more than the lowest rating of 1 star, they were part of the cast. This movie? was something right out of Jr. High theater at best. I give it a gawdawful. You want to see it? You've been warned.

This movie-- if you dare to even call it that, is HORRID. If you do consider watching this movie, be warned, it's an hour of your life you could be doing better, more enjoyable things... Like cleaning your toilet, I'm not even joking... I wish I was.

I will be taking note of the actors, and the producer and will NEVER watch anything they produce in the future. Considering the year of this movie, they have failed. The special effects are terrible, the story is drab and dull, almost as dull as trying to cut a watermelon with a dry slice of bread.

Seriously, if you're reading this review-- DO YOURSELF A FAVOR AND JUST FIND SOMETHING ELSE, or go for a walk, maybe take up a new hobby, but for the love of god, do not waste your time like I did.

A low budget horror that is pretty damn bad. This one has Krampus taking orders from Santa as to who goes and who doesn't then before you know it a kid will be in a burlap bag headed for the frozen lake and he can only kill kids until midnight Christmas Eve. Krampus has a kid escape and decides to get him years later at the same time a psycho killer (Bill Oberst Jr.) gets out of jail hunting down the same guy for putting him in jail. You think this could be interesting well it just sucked. A different side of Krampus is shown as he keeps naked women chained in his lair to play with.

This one doesn't have anything going for it at all except for some scenes with Bill Oberst Jr. who always does a good job. Krampus never really comes off scary. In some scenes he was moving like the sped up Benny Hill. Santa looks like a drunk getting ready for a mall gig. Avoid this flick. Maybe just watch your toes wiggle instead.

Krampus: The Christmas Devil (2013)

In the very same week that saw director Michael Dougherty's trailer for the Adam Scott/Toni Collette starrer Krampus (2015) take off on the internet I suddenly received this screener evidently being rush-released on retail in the UK to cash-in by the title character association. For those of you that didn't know Krampus is Santa Claus' evil brother according to ancient mythology. Whereas his chubby sibling takes to dishing out presents to the good boys and girls of the world, Krampus is about dishing out punishment to those children that have been naughty. In this, director Jason Hull's third film, Krampus takes the form of punishment to the more extreme, he doesn't just punish them he kills them too.

Back in 1983 one such child, Jeremy (Jared Sidun), manages to escape Krampus. Years later Jeremy is a police officer (now played by A.J. Leslie). Jeremy is tormented and hell-bent on killing the monster who fortunately happens to have concentrated his efforts in Jeremy's neck- of-the-woods again. If that wasn't enough to trouble for our hero, he soon learns that the beast has his eyes on Jeremy's daughter. There's also the niggling matter of a recently released felon Brian Hatt (Bill Oberst) that seeks vengeance for Jeremy having incarcerating him.

At its very best Krampus: The Christmas Devil is an ill-conceived mess that's not even so bad as to be funny. It's so bad it actually hurts you to watch it. There's awful oversights in plotting for the convenience of plotting. Also quite why no one has been able to locate our titular demon is rather astonishing given that he seems to move at a remarkably slow pace - the sort of pace that even someone with riddled with chronic arthritis through both legs would even manage to out walk - and he carries out most of his victim kidnapping in the plain sight of day in populated locations. And yet no one seems to know where he is. Just look out of your window. There he is. Seriously!

Surely there are naughty kids the world over for Krampus to put a grisly end to but alas no, he seems to be concentrated on this dull little place in the middle of nowhere rather than taking his efforts globally. Perhaps he's just lazy. And what constitutes being a naughty child? Well apparently having a hissy fit during a game of Monopoly is enough for a snot-nosed brat to labelled a naughty child and added to Krampus' hit list.

Krampus seems rather tame compared to his 'brother' Santa Claus who cusses and rages with an anger sadly lacking in our title character. But then everything in this flick is here for shock effect rather than reason undermining what passes for a plot and reducing the flick to a collection of barely amateur performances that pain you to sit through. And what's with Krampus' hands? As Krampus traces his fingers upon a victim they bend up, just like an ill-fitting glove bought from a bog standard fancy dress shop, because, yes, that's exactly what they are. Genre favourite Bill Oberst Jr. has a small role in the film but it's yet another appearance by an otherwise competent actor in a below standard flick that is chipping away at his former solid career track record.

Krampus The Christmas Devil is yet another title that has been afforded great reviews on-line that it doesn't merit effectively discrediting the purpose of effective criticism. If the reviews have been written by friends of the director then I will insist that they write his next flick for him as their writing is rather more effective than his own.

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