A Talking Cat!?!

If you're hear now, you probably caught the "just released" Rifftrax copy on Youtube and you have many, many questions.

Unfortunately I don't have answers... except yes, that director does (soft)porn and yes, a few scenes really do play off as such. Honestly, the acting isn't the worst I've ever seen... or heard. At least most of the actors attempted to do something to be more than a block of wood with a coat of paint drying. Actually, the one I found the most humorous (or sad) was Eric Roberts (Duffy, the cat). All I can picture is Cinema Snob doing an impersonation of Eric Roberts playing a cat. Seriously, go watch Cinema Snob for a bit and watch Duffy again, it's almost uncanny. Too bad Eric Roberts' acting literally sounds phoned in (I'm really trying not to just copy Rifftrax jokes here).

The characters themselves are just two-dimensional and bland and they sterotype so bad that it's just painful to watch, especially the smart daughter, you just wanna whack her upside the head and tell her to stop being such a b**ch.

The plot never actually explains anything about the cat and honestly it comes off as some cheaply made Christian movie. I kept waiting for everyone to stop every five minutes to talk about Jesus and I thought for sure they would connect Duffy to Jesus somehow. Cheap also extends to the... I barely call it effects, but they are special. They animate this "mouth" on the cat and it is just a black circle stretched across his nose. You can see his real mouth around it! I would expect something like that for 1985, but 2013? Even Youtuber's with no budget have created much more convincing cinema quality effects. Though, I'm sure this movie had no budget either (Ed Wood or Harold P. Warren would be proud of this achievement). Oh, yes... I went there, but at least their movies were entertaining to a degree. Oh, don't forget about the occasional laser point or off-camera cat toy to get the cat to do what they need it to do, that's also entertaining to watch.

I also noted a few reviews not understanding how this movie is getting such great reviews. That's easy to answer, they're fake.

Now, a good or bad movie is subject to the person watching it, but there's a point when reviews are saying things like "better than anything George Lucas made" or "this is truly what modern art really is" or even "these are the greatest actors that have ever lived and breathed in all of time" (yes, I'm paraphrasing, but I'm not lying). The reviews are nearly as bad as the movie itself. There are a couple of gems who are probably being sarcastic as one in particular lists the director's softcore movies as if they were AAA-list Hollywood movies making billions at the box office, but still others hold the director in such high regard that they actually try to convince you this movie could topple such movies as 'Infinity War' or 'Titanic'. SOFTCORE PORN, people! Remember that! You don't become a major player in Hollywood on D-list softcore movies that no one has ever heard of.

So, go watch the Rifftrax version because it's the only way you'll be able to sit through this trash.

Wasn't sure whether to give it one star out of ten, or ten stars for the films pure lack of any sort of slot to fit it in to. For one thing- the soft porn style sets are not your imagination, the director, David DeCoteau not only makes gay porn- he also directs CHILDREN'S films. And uses the same sets.. makes me uncomfortable knowing children's films are also done by this same guy, under an alias company name "1313" on IMDb. Thanks Nathan Rabin, I KNEW it. You just confirmed my fears.

Soft porn music, lighting, sets... the crappiest special effects for the talking cat ever. Picture a photo shopped-style moving black "mouth shape" for the poor cats mouth- and a drunken sounding Eric Roberts as the cat's voice. The cat is neither cute, nor cuddly- the film does not use the cat pictured on the film's ad poster.

The film totally reminded me of "The Room" in it's weirdly quiet way. I was waiting for a character to waltz in and casually mention "didn't you hear? I have cancer.. Bye!" A million dollar budget?? Why? How? I wonder if some of their budget went to "hush money" to the child actors' parents. Wouldn't surprise me! This is one of those "you've GOT to WATCH this" films.

This movie takes place in a total of two locations: A mansion and smaller house. Yet it features no less than 59 establishing shots, most of them being the same three shots of a forest stream, some trees, and an ocean with palm trees visible over and over and over again.

After watching all 59 of these establishing shots, I'm still not quite sure where this film took place. Could be the Pacific Northwest or it could be Florida. I just don't know.

And that is only the beginning of the magic this movie has to offer. It is a true masterpiece of badness.

This film was shot in much the same fashion as Santa's Summerhome as it was made by the same people. This one does feature more locations than that film and has more establishing shots than probably any other movie in existence. It also features a cat that does not talk too much, but when it does it sounds like Eric Roberts who was doing the voice was in a box inside a bathroom and they were recording him just outside the door. Just a lot of pointless stuff going on as the plot is not really there and the characters are not really likable or distinct other than great value brand Rodney Dangerfield.

The story has a cat that roams outside and wants to help humans for some reason and talks like the most disinterested and most inebriated person ever. I guess that statement can be totally accurate as it is Eric Roberts. A father who looks well into his 60's and his teenage son are hanging out at their mansion. Poor father just retired and seems hopelessly lost while the son is a dork who cannot swim despite having a luxurious pool at the mansion. He is also tutoring a girl who stops short of taking her panties off and giving them to the boy, but he so awkward. Then there is a mother who is trying to secure a contract for something, was not sure what she was doing, but she made cheesepuffs and her two children are insufferable and I didn't realize that her daughter and the girl the boy were tutoring were two different people till the end of the film. Oh, the cat tries to get everyone together or something.

The film is abysmal to the highest degree. It constantly pads the film with shots of the beach, the woods and the sky. Then it will show a car driving through multiple scenes and then back to a shot of the beach then outside the house, it is very irritating! Why show a shot of the beach, when it is not going to be used in any scenes with the characters interacting?

So, not a good film and you will be grateful when the credits roll, only the movie doesn't stop, it keeps showing you scenes even after we should be done and getting on with our lives. Not sure which one is worse though, this or Santa's Summer Home. I am kind of leaning towards this one because at least we didn't have Eric Roberts do drunken line reads in Summer Home and we got a few actors of note in that one, not good actors mind you, but you knew who they were. The best they could do her was a voice over. And what a lifeless voice over it is too!

OK this has to be one of the worst movies I have ever seen. Firstly the actors are pure rubbish, the special effects are also rubbish and they don't even us the cat pictured on the poster for the movie. This movie is a total waste of time the kids didn't even like this movie and I personally lost interest after 10 minutes into it. Seriously don't watch this movie unless you want to waste your time all my family agree that this movie was rubbish and im sure a lot of people would say the same thing. I would not recommend this movie to anyone not even young kids. I rate this movie a 1 out of 10 because as I have already said its awful, unwatchable and a complete waste of time I actually have a hard time believing that someone would want to make this movie. The only good decision they made with this movie was putting it straight to DVD if I went to see this in the cinema I would be asking for a refund.