Tian ji: Fu chun shan ju tu

There is literally no point to this movie! It's just product placement after product placement. I am not exaggerating. There's no cohesive story that I can see other than there is a coveted painting, the script is laughable, amateur, and melodramatic and the characters are caricatures. I started to wonder if it was based off manga, and when a kid started laughing maniacally in front of a fire, I knew this movie was ****, and it's not a case of not understanding the movie because it's too deep either. It really is just about the aesthetics, and if this movie has any stars, that's why. This was really disappointing! Andy Lau, you've sunk low!

There is nothing worth to say about this movie, except, don't waste your precious time, not even when you could do it with a fast forward button.

Our movie channel just put it on the shelf for on-demand playing, and after hearing so much bad comments about it when it was on the big screen, I made it a challenge for myself to try to sit through it.

EPIC FAIL.

To the extent that you want to find a way to unsee it, but then you simply can't, because the visuals throughout were so colourful, or even rich, BUT WITHOUT A POINT.

I really wanted to give it -10.

Switch; a flashy big budget modern day Chinese action flick starring Andy Lau that has a rating of 2 out of 10 stars on IMDb?...That rating can't be accurate, can it?...YES!...YES IT CAN!

It's really hard to believe how astonishingly bad this movie actually is unless you watch it yourself (which I'm not suggesting you do). But, check it out if you want a master lesson on bad filmmaking. Everyone involved with this production should be ashamed of themselves, and the director of this turd should be forever barred from filmmaking in the future.

SPOILERS AHEAD!

Basic Story: various nefarious Chinese, British, and Japanese groups are all trying to get their hands on two halves of some ancient priceless Chinese scroll. Andy Lau plays a Chinese super-agent who's in charge of protecting the scroll, as is his "estranged" wife. They go about their business to try and save the day while perhaps falling back in love with each other along the way.

There are so many things wrong with this film that I don't even know where to start, so in the spirit of how this movie was made, I'll just rattle off some random incoherent thoughts as they come to me, and call it a day:

1. Nothing makes any sense; don't bother trying to determine who wants to obtain/protect the scroll and for what reasons. It's pointless and disjointed storytelling that involves lots of fake plots, fake scrolls, fake deaths, etc.

2. The writing, script, and dialogue are all beyond TERRIBLE! Nothing was lost in translation either.

3. The direction and editing are both epically bad. Watch Andy repel from the roof, then race across the desert, now pause for a moment to spend some time reflecting on himself in some Buddhist like swamp where he befriends a little girl for some reason. OK, enough of that; let's have another gun fight, car chase, etc.

4. The love triangle. Perhaps I wasn't paying close enough attention in the beginning, but the two leads are apparently still married to, and still love, each other...could've fooled me though because Andy makes for one of the worst husbands and fathers in the history of cinema; he spends his time brazenly flirting and fooling around with any piece of hot tail he comes across (particularly the main evil "henchwoman" who's in love with him) while he completely ignores his wife and child. I guess the point is Andy is eventually supposed to reconcile his love for his family vs. his love for the main hot bad girl, but, there is little reason to care about what he does in regards. I have never in my life seen a more poorly written and incoherently executed love triangle in any movie from any country in any genre!

5. Clichés, clichés, clichés; there's plenty of fat dumb obnoxious white guys, hot female Chinese assassins on roller skates/dangling from ceilings/on jet skis in wedding dresses, etc. Let's not forget the Yakuza, the evil deformed mastermind, secret motives by everyone involved, the ludicrous backstories, etc... This movie features every conceivable overused cliché you could possibly expect from an "Asian" film and then some!

6. I could go on, but why bother?....no one involved with this production seemed to give a sh*t about their work, so why should I?

On the plus side: Hmmmm. Well, this movie is often actually pretty to just "look at" if you aren't paying attention to the story or dialogue or acting; it does make for some great visuals & screenshots here and there. It's also good for numerous unintentional laughs, some pretty girls, and, it might reach legendary cult status one day for how bad it actually is. Other than that, this is easily the worst cinematic venture I've seen this year (2013), and there's not even a close second I can compare it to.

Bottom Line: I DARE YOU TO WATCH THIS POS!

1 star out of 10, and, that ain't no joke! It's quite possibly the worst movie ever made (particularly so when you factor in budget, actors/actresses involved, the modern global era we live in, etc)!

This thing (not a movie, does not deserve such label) could potentially kill a person, and it did nearly kill me so there's that. I have more enjoyment in the toilet crapping than watching this. But, I will say one thing that's good, and that it is the ultimate torture device for anyone you despise . If so, then I HIGHLY RECOMMEND this thing.

Bottom line, THIS is not a movie, does not deserve to be called or be labelled one, it is in fact a torture device.

i suggested that the director of switch ought to be banned in film business for the money this movie wasted, the costings he spoiled and the audiences he disgusted. it was supposed to be a 3D movie, and they charged it as one, but the only thing that was 3D in this movie was the subtitles, so i just watched it without the 3D glasses, then i realized i had wasted time and money on this crap, my rage after watching switch was beyond description, just like all of the audiences in the cinema. i was so angry that i could not fall asleep during the movie, just don't get it how something so disgusting could pass the authority and release to audiences, and all the cinema in China canceled star trek into darkness to make room for switch, made you no choice but to watch it, cause there is nothing else showing in cinema, most of us thought we should give it a shot, and the results are deadly. if i'd know ,i'd even want to get paid to watch it.