American Conjuring

Only 20 mins in and I'm ready to gouge my eyes out, shove pens in my ears, and then slit my wrists and throat. Ok so the last part was stretching it... Wow, where to begin. Might as well start with the acting, because it's like the singer's voice in a band, it'l make or break it. Yeah this acting shattered it. Just awful...I mean... do they audition these people? Do they just say, "Who's willing to work for free?" K everyone who raised their hand, you're hired! There's a little 3 min news story at the beginning of the movie laying out the history and bad things that happened. Best and only good part of the movie. Laid out a descent horror story. Boy did it fail to measure up. Ok so, I'm gonna finish suffering through this so none of y'all who are smart enough to read reviews before watching movies, can be spared the torture this movie spews out. I'll come back at the end to update and finish this review.

I made it 25 minutes and It has the worst acting I have ever seen. They try to make the teenager into the bad guy, Her so called parents were horrible. The guy isn't hear dad and they get pissed that she won't call him dad. She has a dad, her parents are just divorced. I hated every character in this movie, don't waste your time. I decided to finish the movie and it didn't get any better. I found myself wondering why all the characters were so angry and hateful. Bad movie with bad people.

One of the worst pieces of "acting" I have ever seen comes from the father in this movie. He was hideously awful as an actor. Every one of his lines came off like he was reading the script right in front of his eyes. Not only him, everyone's lines in this movie were terrible. No one talks like this. Why do movie writers insist people talk like people in a soap opera? Like the mother alone saying: "Oh, crap I forgot the washing detergent" or the daughter alone saying "this phone never gets signal". And why the hell was the mother so insistent her daughter call her step-father Dad? She's 16, she can call him whatever she wants and Dad wouldn't be one of them. Stupid idiotic movie. Saving grace was the scares from the ghost woman, but they don't save what is a vomit-ridden crap-fest of lazy dialogue, terrible acting and an hour and a half of my life worse off than before I started watching.

Comparing the overacting of the adults to the sheer underacting of the children only adds to this hilariously badly made movie. It looks like it was made by students in iMovie and it isn't even trying to hide it. The scary things that happen in the movie are almost tiny one off details. When photos are included, they are stock photos making the movie look cheap and without a budget. It also looks as if a dark filter has been added to it, as if trying to appear scarier than it is.

This movie knows nothing of real dialogue and suspense, and exists in a state of sheer confusion and random events happening in random order.

I fell for the title of the movie, even with its blatant cash in on the recent successful "The Conjuring" movies. But hey, it is a horror movie, so I still decided to give it a go.

And I did, and I managed to survive perhaps a whole 20 minutes or so into the ordeal that was "American Conjuring" before I just threw the towel in the ring and gave up, getting up and left to watch something else. Actually, not just me, but my wife did the same.

I can't really give a proper synopsis of the storyline in the movie, because the movie wasn't really in gear or had gotten to any milestones by the time I gave up.

What made me give up was the lack of a compelling storyline. There just was nothing that captured me and kept me in the seat. The was nothing scary anywhere in the 20 minutes that I endured. And the acting wasn't really a factor that worked in favor of the movie either, just added fuel to the reason for why I gave up.

I haven't the faintest of clues what directors Dan Walton and Dan Zachary set out to accomplish with "American Conjuring", nor can I claim to have any further interest in finding out. But thumbs up for actually managing to make a movie nonetheless.

I have no intentions of returning to finish "American Conjuring", not even if I got paid to do so. Once a movie fails to impress and captivate me, then the race is over, so to speak. I am sure that there are someone, somewhere out there that would find some kind of enjoyment in "American Conjuring", it just wasn't me...