Avalon

Just when you think you've seen it all, along comes a diamond in the rough like Avalon (1989).

The producers didn't have the money to buy even a lousy rowing boat. That's why the heroes swim across the sea to Avalon at the beginning. There they take part in a piddly poking contest, which is billed as a tournament to the death, in which the fighters' shields bend like rubber (from laughing?) when touched.

Much of the decoration consists of plastic sheeting, cloths and curtains. Bedchambers? Palace? Cave? Curtains on, done! The cast members need capes? Look, there are still curtains left!

There are great monsters too. One has a kind of latex sack with eyeholes. That's it. And in the finale we get to marvel at the most pathetic stop-motion dragon in film history. You have to see it to believe it.

Owen the Hero, Keiran the Thief, Merlin the Sorcerer and Clothilde the Bombshell go on a quest to the island of Avalon, hoping to find a magic sword there, plus the body of King Arthur, and also Edwin, the lost lover of Clothilde. First they encounter Morgana and her mischievous circle of witches, though...

Must be seen to be believed. The incredibly cheap movie was probably filmed in somebody's backyard, a few drapes suffice to suggest a "palace", a bunch of zombies appears just for fun, and the producers didn't even rent a boat to let the protagonists sail to Avalon - they have to swim. It's a bit like Ed Wood meeting Luigi Cozzi's infamous 'Hercules' movies, including the laser rays. Most viewers will think it's a waste of time, but among trash fans with a special sense of humour, some may actually have a lot of fun with it.