Jurassic Attack

I think my review title sums it up. It's very watchable, this story of soldiers against dangerous Jurassic beasts.

But it's very stupid. The dialog is corny and it's quite contrived.

The worst and stupidest part of the stupidity is the characters. The "bad guy doing good things" is a cliche that you don't want to try to believe in real life. A human monster doesn't do "nice". The motivations here are even more unbelievable than the rest of it, which says a lot.

The only characters with any possible believable motivation are the minor characters who get scratched out of existence. That's another Hollywood cliche, the sermon about "hey, we'll kill anyone you can relate to, just to keep you depressed, nyah, nyah".

However, it is watchable in a sort of "so bad it's good sort of way".

Rise of the Dinosaurs (2013)

1/2 (out of 4)

A special units squad is sent into a jungle to rescue a female hostage but on their way back the helicopter they're riding in crashes. Soon the group realize that their in a mysterious land where dinosaurs still rule and like the taste of human flesh. Originally titled JURASSIC ATTACK, it's clear that this film was simply made so it could cash in on the re-release of Steven Spielberg's JURASSIC PARK but there's no question which is the better picture. Sadly this here is so bad that even a company like The Asylum would be embarrassed by it. There's really nothing here that would make the viewer think that anyone involved with the picture had any intention of making it good. The CGI effects are beyond horrible but I'm sure most are expecting this. It's strange that no matter what type of dinosaur we're looking at they're always pretty much the same size. Just take a look at one awful scene where a dinosaur eats a man and just wait till you see how much blood comes pouring out of its mouth. If the CGI dinosaur looks back what's even worse is the horrid blood coming from its mouth. There's really no drama, no adventure, no laughs, no shocks or anything else that you might expect in a film like this. It's clearly just a rip-off of THE LAND THAT TIME FORGET, which its author gets a mention here. There's even a joke aimed at the Spielberg movie but I'm going to guess that most would have hit the stop button by then. Usually these types of movies can reach a so bad it's good level but this here never comes close to that. The best advice is to just stay away or at least not watch it until dinosaurs are walking the Earth again.

I think as a teenager I might have thought this was quite fun to watch I reckon. I can't say for sure, but I did like the mercenaries on an ... well adventure sort of thing. Which is what is going on here in some way, shape or form.

The Dinosaurs are really bad CGI .. I mean there may be worse CGI out there, but I doubt you will care. Unless you consider the budget this was made on. We have a former Mad Max actor in this, which may excite you or not. You may also care that there are actually some small/minor acting moments - genuine moments that is. Of course mostly, this is not about the acting, but about seeing the big animals roam the screen and the mayhem they cause.

The special effects (not CGI) are not that bad actually - again considering the budget and all that. Overall this will not find too many who will actually care.

A special ops squad led by Captain Steakley (Gary Stretch) executes a mission in the South American jungle to rescue a hostage scientist (Natascha Berg), but also take captive an anti-capitalist Latino (Israel Sáez de Miguel). As they escape, their copter crash lands in a 60-mile forested crater that contains a prehistoric world cut off from the rest of the earth. Michael Worth plays the madcap professor who's been living alone in the lost world for years.

Originally titled "Jurassic Attack," "Rise of the Dinosaurs" (2013) is comparable to mockbuster flicks by The Asylum, like "Isle of the Dead" (2016), "King of the Lost World" (2005) and "The Land that Time Forgot" (2009). The worst thing about it is the CGI: While the dinosaurs look good enough for a low budget movie, the lighting and motion don't always mesh with what's on the rest of the screen. And the blood dripping from the t-rex's mouth is hopeless. But with a cheap knock-off like this, did you expect any better?

The movie works as survival situation with a fairly interesting group of protagonists and one antagonist. On the female front, Natascha is jaw-dropping from beginning to end in modest short shorts while Alicia Ziegler is decent, not to mention kick-axx. Michael Worth's professor comes across as a hippie-ish academic who has found his paradise. Even though Israel Sáez de Miguel overdoes the Che-like militarist, the script surprisingly gives him a good scene where he supports his communistic principles and mocks capitalism.

The film runs 1 hour and 23 minutes and was shot in Belize.

GRADE: C+

It's saying something when you call one of the low budget syfy movies the worst, but Jurassic attack fits the box. In this world dinosaurs co exist with humans for some reason. Some people go through the forest and a t rex eats them. Skip to some soldiers that are tasked with going there to rescue some hostage's. But plane crashes and they end up stuck there trying to service the many Dino's and the crazy sciencetist that lives there. The two massive problems that this so bad are one. The CGI is really below average. Almost copy and pasted and the limbs don't even move right and two. The casts accents seem to go between who they are and who they are supposed to be which is annoying. Overall Jurassic attack is missable, but watchable if it's what your looking for.