Alice in Terrorland

This is apparently some film school dropout's final project. They TRY to be "artsy" throughout the whole thing. It starts out with three rapid fire scenes with no context. Then we are "treated" to a monochromatic kaleidoscope of fractal images with some trippy music in the background. I swear, if I'd had some LSD, I'd have at least been in the right mood.

All these dropouts seem to think that slow motion builds tension. It is an overused trope that every one of these art projects over use. I'm serious... I have seen molasses flowing up hill in January at a faster pace than this... movie. There is one scene where Alice is literally slow motion crawling across the floor for a GOOD five minutes. If they had run all of the slow motion scenes at normal speed, the movie would have been at least half an hour shorter. Not a lie.

Then, as is the case with every single modern "movie," the entire thing is filmed with two candles and a 4 watt night light bulb. I swear... what is it with this freaking trend?! You might as well make it a radio play for all you can actually see.

I'll bet you want to know about the plot, though, don't you? Yeah... you and me both. The entire thing is a really bad retelling of "Alice in Wonderland" with a twist you can see coming a mile away.

There is an adult, x-rated version of "Alice in Wonderland" - a musical at that! - from 1976 that has a better story line, better acting (and better lighting) than this trainwreck of a "movie."

It was soulless garbage, and a shallow attempt to make the classic Alice in Wonderland into a horror, which other media will tell you this actually can be done well. This wasn't one of those examples.

The dialogue is awkward, and weird. The idea that Alice is being read the original, and in her fever dream is being taken to wonderland could have worked actually. But damn, girl your fever dreams are boring. Even the idea that her parents have passed and that has altered her mental state, has existed before. This just does that badly.

The costume elements are boring. The pacing is weird and doesn't work. And it has moments where it tries to be edgy but, it falls flat because it's trying too hard.

While it was great seeing Rula Lenska* in a choice role pulling out all the stops, the production is a dreary misfire, full of imagery that bores rather than intrigues. A half hour's with of story is dragged out to a length that felt far longer than the running time. If you care to watch, fast forward to all of Lenska's scenes. The rest is, sadly, not to be recommended.

*I was a member of the Rula Lenska Fan Club here in the United States, a kind of parody of fan clubs since Lenska was only known for her Alberto VO5 TV ads in which she introduced herself, "I'm Rula Lenska," to a befuddled but bemused American public that had never heard of her before-her lack of notoriety became, itself, a sensation and a punch line for late night comedians like Carson. What the RLFC did successfully, with tongue in cheek, was humanize the actress with bits of news and background. Lenska already had a career overseas, so we heard about that too. I drifted away as I grew older and the novelty wore off. Lenska didn't catch on in a big way in the States, and years went by. First with video and flash forward to now with streaming, vintage overseas entertainment has thankfully become ever more readily available.

I went to watch this movie with my dad and my sister (we're horror movie lovers) the movie was poorly structured, production was nice but the flow of the movie was poor and boring and made no sense. The ending was absolutely terrible and it really was a waste of time and money. There were a total of maybe 2 good jump scares and the scenery was a bit thrilling but the events were boring and lead to absolutely nothing. My arab dad absolutely hated the movie and regrets the $30 he spent today. I personally don't think the movie was that horrible (i enjoyed the production and the scenery and the way it made me feel but i did not enjoy the events or the flow of the movie especially not the ending). Watch literally any other movie, don't waste your time.

Another horror movie that I hadn't heard about prior to stumbling upon it by random chance. And with it being a horror movie that I had never seen nor heard of, of course I had to sit down and watch it. Horror is my go-to genre for entertainment, so of course there was no doubt about me sitting down to watchng what writer and director Richard John Taylor had to deliver here.

However, from the glorious 3.2 rating here on IMDb, which was the rating when I sat down to watch the movie, I have to say that I wasn't exactly harboring much of any expectations or hopes to the movie. But still, I opted to watch it on the off chance that the movie might actually be entertaining to me.

The storyline in "Alice in Terrorland" was somewhat of a swing and a miss in terms of properly entertaining me. Sure, there were aspects to it that proved good, but the overall impression of the narrative was not something that I found to be overly enjoyable or entertaining. So it was a bit of a struggle to sit through the movie. And truth be told, the pacing of the narrative was rather monotonous and bland, which resulted in a somewhat boring viewing experience.

Sure, I will give writer Richard John Taylor points for managing to take Lewis Carroll's classic tale and spin a modern twist on it. Just a shame that it failed to properly entertain me.

I was not familiar with anyone on the cast list, and that is actually something that I do enjoy when I sit down and watch a movie. The acting performances in the movie were good, though I have to say that I couldn't point anyone out for putting on a memorable performance.

Visually then I will say that the movie was fair. The props, wardrobes, etc. Looked good and had a certain atmospheric feel to it that definitely added something to the overall impression of the movie.

Now, I am sure that there is an audience out there for a bizarre movie such as what "Alice in Terrorland" turned out to be. So give it a chance, if you find odd movies to be your thing.

My rating of "Alice in Terrorland" lands on a three out of ten stars.