Stalled

Directed by Christian James and with a runtime of 84 minutes, this 2013 British zombie comedy horror film mostly takes place in the stall of a women's toilet cubicle - hence the name "Stalled". It is fair to say that this is toilet humour as it is written by and stars Dan Palmer, who goes by the name W.C. in the film (the name being the toilet humour part in case you though I was suggesting that Dan Palmer is $h1t).

At a Christmas party, things start going wrong. Partygoers are turning into flesh hungry zombies. Meanwhile a janitor, W.C. is stuck in the lady's bathroom and fighting for his life - or surviving at least anyway. There are a series of flashbacks which set the characters up, and there are some monologues to explain how feelings are being handled. There is a bit of gore as you would expect, but never too much to make the film a full-blown splatter horror film. Some of the comedy is ok, but there are a lot of cultural references which only relate to the time the film was made rather than being an all-spanning and encompassing reference point. W.C. is not entirely alone, as there is another person stuck in the room too, but she is a voice only and is never really seen. The addition of a second voice helps to make the film a little more than just one man's isolation in the situation which might have become tedious extremely fast.

Unashamedly a low budget film (£45k) with a nice concept, but it never really takes off fully and left me wanting something more to happen. I like that there was a confined element to the film and this helped the theme, but by the end of it the concept had worn down on me a little bit - the dialogue only entertained me for so long. I guess if you strip back something like "Night of the Living Dead" or "Shaun of the Dead" to a single room, with a single character, add some modern humour, this is what you get. Dan Palmer carries his creation on both shoulders and does not embarrass himself, but the film is as limited as location it uses. This is never going to be an all-time memorable zombie film, but it is a nice enough situational film which zombie fans will want to watch just for the sheer hell of it.

A man is stuck in a toilet stall during the zombie apocalypse. Sold!

Simple and effective horror comedy concept... totally amateurish and inept execution. The disappointment here is that with some actual talent behind and in front of the camera, this could have been a real gem.

Problems begin pretty much from the opening shot when you realise the lighting and cinematography are absolutely horrid. The film achieves this really cheap and cheerless look. It resembles an episode from one of those bad teen TV soap operas from the 1990's. This should immediately alert you to the fact that you're watching student filmmakers running amok with a budget.

Uh-oh.

Okay, so the cheap look can be forgiven because this is lo-fi comedy horror stuff. Fair enough right? Surely the film will make-up for that with wit and invention and gags. Right? Right??!

No.

The next major (and most crucial) problem; the writer of "Stalled", Dan Palmer, is also its star. And this is one of those writers that fancies himself an actor. And not only does he not have the chops to carry an entire feature film by himself, he can't deliver a single line of dialogue with conviction. It's as if he's trying to remember how his script sounded in his head when he came up with the dialogue. He may as well be reading the script to himself on the toilet. He's awful. If Palmer had taken his own ego and misguided acting aspirations out of the equation, they could have cast a semi-decent comedic actor in the lead.

It starts off with the promise of a somewhat "silent" horror comedy where our main character doesn't seem to speak much, if at all. But then the dialogue kicks in and, since Dan Palmer has no idea how to keep the story going without it, we get endless "f bombs" being dropped every other sentence, horribly muddled and dull lines delivered by people who just can't act, and long interludes of Palmer monloguing and emoting with embarrassing consequences. Accentuating sentences in the wrong places, forcing emotion with no help from the clueless director, Christian James.

Add in some unconvincing zombie make-up effects and mostly unfunny gags, and you have all the ingredients of a desperate "Shaun of the Dead" knock-off without the wit, invention or the talent.

It's a shame because it's got some smart ideas and a few neat ways of sustaining its simple concept over 80 minutes. I even quite liked the punchline at the end but the journey there was so unimaginative and glib that ultimately the whole experience smacked of a bunch of student filmmakers who got a little money together and extended a short film concept into a feature.

And that's what this should have been - a student short film and nothing more.

As much as I like to support independent films, when they are this amateur and poorly executed in (almost) every area, it's advisable to warn others against crossing paths with it.

Sorry "Stalled" but you really do belong in the toilet.

The premise is stupid on paper, cleaner stuck in toilet during an apocalypse, using items like door hooks and toilet seats to fight off creatures who want to turn him into a snack at the Christmas buffet. And do you know what? We at the #UndeadSymphony actually quite enjoyed this one...

Is it Citizen Kane? No, but in truth, does this little Rosebud pretend to be? It knows it's limitations, it knows what it can and can't do and does it's best with it. The main character is unlikeable and selfish, but in a way that makes you chuckle (see the scene with fingers and catapults). Some scenes which are cliché are surprisingly tense and although you don't really see the supporting actress (bar a cartoon on a cubicle door), the hints of romance are enough to make you feel genuinely for her. The gore is good, the slapstick is funny and the acting is good and brings you into the story.

Is this Citizen Kane? No, think more Phonebooth with Colin Farrell... in a toilet... with Zombies.

Very watchable, give it a crack.

A janitor is fixing the fan in the ladies room when people starts to turn. At first, he's a perv peeping on a couple of hot chicks. Then, the girls go zombie and he's hit by a wave of company Christmas party goers turn zombies.

This is a low budget British zombie comedy. The blood and gore hold very little scary moments. I actually like the charm of a low budget horror, but the only scary thing is that oversized stuff rat. As for the comedy part, it had a couple of smile worthy moments. Certainly, there is nothing worthy of a big laugh. The lead character WC is a loser weasel. But Dan Palmer is no Simon Pegg. He doesn't have the likability of Pegg. He's a pale imitation. For a low budget movie, it had its moments. There's just not enough moments to recommend the movie.

A janitor (Dan Palmer) gets trapped in a women's restroom and encounters an all-out attack by a horde of zombies.

Clearly the people who made this have talent, had an idea, had a good cast and crew and had a sense of humor. But it just never really took off. There are some scenes that are pretty awesome, but the vast bulk of the time is drawn out (I could not care less about the relationship between WC and the girl in the other stall).

Unfortunately, another issue was the strong British accents. I cannot hold this against them -- or at least I should not -- but many of the talking parts were completely lost on me. These were some thick accents.