Chastity Bites

When their school is invaded by a foreign woman, a student and her friend uncover the true meaning of her push for chastity in the local population when she turns out to be an immortal bloodsucker intending to use the students in a special, diabolic ceremony.

This is actually quite a profound and problematic entry that seems to have a lot going for it both ways. One of the biggest issues against it is the fact that there's just no end to the rather lame comedy that runs through this, since it tends to think that the humor derives from the social about-face many of the women portray themselves to be, being in a club intended to push virginity and chasteness among the local kids but being the biggest sluts on campus when no one's looking, and that humor tends to get old very quickly since it's not a funny joke to begin with. That it thinks otherwise means that the large majority of time here is spent doing this without offering a lot of humor on other topics while the film's other topic of concern, how her rampant bloodlust is mistaken for the eccentricities of European society is nowhere near original or clever and makes them out to be even more clueless than they really need to be. It all makes for rather enjoyable teen-comedy tropes that work well with the influx of the burgeoning horror found in the true identity angle that slowly works its way into the later half, but that doesn't mean the rest of the time is all that enjoyable. It's only when it starts being a little more serious with the house raid to uncover the secret ceremony does it all work out in the end with a strong assault that includes numerous encounters with her protectors and the final battle itself, which does make for a rather enjoyable enough time even if there's a lot of problems with it.

Rated R: Graphic Violence, Graphic Language and continuous sexual topics.

Poor Allison Scagliotti, she can actually act and gets handed a horrible script like that. Still, she made the film watchable, if not for the fact that she brought her A-Game to it, then just because she's simply dripping in fun, watchable, charisma.

Unfortunately, that's not enough to save it. Most all the other actors were as flat as Illinois.

What should have been a fun cliche movie was just hampered by a bad cast, horrible political diatribes that were supposed to be character development but just came across as extremely dated after only 6 years, and jokes that either didn't land because of the delivery or simply weren't funny to begin with.

But...if you are an Allison Scagliotti fan, it's worth the watch if for no reason than to pray that she lands better roles.

Even since the original 'Scream' film back in 1997, it's been popular for horror films to kind of parody themselves and point out their own clichés while satirising the genre. Sometimes it works well, as in 'Cabin in the Woods' while other times it kind of falls a bit flat. Here, in 'Chastity Bites,' it sadly falls into the latter. We open in a high school where a clique of (stereotypical, if you've seen any teen movie ever – horror, or otherwise) 'popular' girls rules the class with their status and, of course, shallowness. The two – equally clichéd – unpopular girls (who dress conservatively and don't want to jump into bed with the first high school jock who takes off his football helmet) walk around discussing poetry, philosophy and generally do their best to show us – the audience – how downtrodden and relatable they are. Then a – clichéd British – villain comes along in the form of a woman who teaches the virtues of chastity to the young, who wants spokespeople to promote her cause. Naturally, the vacuous 'popular' bimbos all sign up (despite their blatant lack of respect for the rules). However, we quickly discover that this woman has a darker motive and wants to suck the souls of the young (or something). She's a baddie – that's all you need to know and it's up to the unpopular duo to 'out' her terrible scheme.

So, it's a kind of 'teenagers versus evil' kind of affair and, like I say, it kind of knows it's a bit dumb and does its best to play up to that fact so that it never takes itself too seriously. It does this by attempting to satirise today's obsession with beauty and social standing among teens (and in some cases adults!). This could work, but sadly it's just not 'fresh' enough to really say anything new or in a different way than we've already seen before (and better). Allison Scagliotti (most famous for her awesomely cool performance as 'Claudia' in 'Warehouse 13') is the lead and she does her best to use her natural quirky charm to good effect. However, the script just isn't up to her talent and the jokes start to fall flat while the whole thing descends into predictability.

It may be a young adult horror/comedy, but it's not really funny enough to be a straight out comedy and there isn't enough gore to really make it that bloodthirsty. They even try to throw in one of the most forced love interest sub-plots ever seen in cinema. The male love interest only occupies a few scenes of screen time and could have been done away with all together and you'd never notice.

You know a film is getting desperate when you see all the visual promotional advertising surrounding the film depicts shots of girls in short 'fantasy' schoolgirl costumes. I can promise you nothing like this ever appears in the film itself! All together it's just a missed opportunity to say something worthwhile about a facet of popular culture than needs a bit of mainstream debunking. Avoid. You won't miss much. Sorry Allison – you were brilliant in 'Warehouse 13.'

John V. Knowles' "Chastity Bites" is a horror comedy that takes the classic 80's idea of fun-time slasher delights. Then mixes that with a fascination for vintage, supernatural idolatry, and upbeat, comedy-camp satire. The film stars Allison Scagliotti, Francia Raisa, Louise Griffiths, Eddy Rioseco, Amy Okuda, Jennifer Gimenez.. "Chastity Bites" is Knowles' directorial debut and my only thought is "why in the h*ll did it take this long?!". The style, feel, and look of the film is that of a seasoned director whose work is effortlessly executed.

"Chastity Bites" follows a group of high school students both frienemies and foes, challenged with the typical social hurdles and proclivities, facing a darker sinister force out to build them up just to tear them down-Lady Bathory. Liz Bathor is on an unholy mission to see that the young ladies of the local high school stay pure and chaste. It is a clever story that is energetic, quick witted and funny. The humor is both straight forward cheese ball humor blended with the darker satirical cultural quips that aren't as "surface". It is one of the few films that I have seen in a long while that fully completes the story arch fully with the same intensity and conviction from start to finish.

The acting is something that pleasantly surprised me, going into the film I was expecting some fumbling by the actors on the dialog and character interaction and elements meant to create a relatable foundation between the actor and audience. At times it seems those fears were to be met but in almost every scene the cast manages to keep the comedic timing without falling flat, and for the depth of dialog, pop culture referencing and repartee this film carries, it isn't an easy feat for Indie films to pull off. "Chastity Bites" is a modern classic that gives good 80's homage without coming off as cheap or forced.

The special effects and soundtrack are timeless and entertaining. The effects remind me of classic 80's horror techniques that never fade, offering good, visual kill scenes, with very minimal CGI. The fact that the film stays closer to the darker side the horror comedy than "spoof" films helps make "Chastity Bites" a film that will be enjoyable time and time again. Plus you can't get a better character than Elizabeth Bathory when dealing with virginity and eternal youth while poking fun at social obsessions and cultural hypocrisies. The soundtrack, both musical and sound effects, create a fun, energy that never holds the film back or feels out of step with Knowles intentions. I really enjoyed this film and think all horror/comedy fans and slasher fans alike should check it out!

It's watchable, but the political messaging is obvious and heavy, and the insane amount of shallow stereotyping is gratuitous. Liberal though I am, the far left messaging was cringe.

It was a great idea for a movie, but it definitely fell short.