- Heck Catastrophe: Walking? Fuck that. I didn't get into punk rock so I could walk places. And where's all the pussy I heard so much about?
- Sheriff Blaze Thunders: So anyways, as I was saying, these girlies may be pretty, but they as deadly as a menstruating sidewinder with the HIV.
- Mia DeSpell: Right. Opening up for Kittens Crawling Into Orifices is really getting us places. Like the ass-end of Pennsylvania, for example.
- Evelyn: Yes, I remember Doug. Please don't ever mention Doug again, especially when I'm already on edge and wielding a deadly weapon.
- Asmodeus Herrod: I just nodded off for a second. Sometimes the shit I see during the work day haunts my nightmares and keeps me up all night. My head gets filled with dark visions of mangled corpses and orphaned children. Of charred remains and broken families. Of homes drenched in blood!
- Sheriff Blaze Thunders: That ain't shit, boy! Harsh is kicking you outta my fucking car so you can be torn asunder by two towering stories of prehistoric terror!
- Vex Stupendous: Me and this girl here. Mia. We're in a band called Catatonic Fuck Puppet. The other girl is Daisy. She hunts monsters. You follow?
- Mia DeSpell: This might come as a shock to you, Daisy Derkins, but I have handled a gun before. I made a living like that once.
- Evelyn: I'm consumed by a white-hot, intense berserker rage that will not be quelled until I personally strangle the last stinking breath out of that whiny, traitorous bitch Anna Maria!
- Daisy Derkins: I'm multi-tasking. If I can kill a three-headed dog monster, then what chance do you stand?
- Mia DeSpell: And who are you to tell me what's wrong? The fucking morality police? I don't fucking care. I've devoted my whole existence to doing what's wrong.
- Colt: Aside from this robbery/murder thing today, and the occasional dinosaur attack, nothing ever happens here.
- Wingate Van Cleef: Well, Mr. Von Ruffhausen, my middle name is Hell, and I know how to give Hell, I know how to take Hell, and I know how to make Hell for everyone that comes into contact with me.
- Wingate Van Cleef: But in my book, it's T, T, T.
- Dieter von Ruffhausen: T, T, T? Please explain.
- Wingate Van Cleef: Yes. Track 'em. Torture 'em. Terminate 'em.
- Dieter von Ruffhausen: That's great. You should get it trademarked.