Penthouse Vacation

I find pornographer Marc Cushman/Cash Markman unfathomable: he gets a ton of attention in IMDb completely out of proportion to his lack of talent. On this sub-par (and that's vs. a very low bar) Penthouse Letters release, he takes a script credit as Cash Markman as if his lousy script deserved credit, and then hides behind the stupid moniker "Penny Nichols" for the directing credit, a model of inconsistency.

The five narrated letters purportedly sent into Penthouse Letters magazine are set in five foreign countries, the pointless hook to a very dull story. What passes for writing may feature a switch at the end of a vignette, but always a lousy one. Case in point: opening scene has buxom blonde McKenzee Miles humping Marco Banderas on her vacation in Greece. After he deposits his spunk on her breasts he reveals he's not Greek after all but Italian (I guess Marc/Cash didn't think the real home nation of the actor Uruguay would flow in his screenplay). But as the narration stupidly reminds us, there's a bit of "Greek" in the man -hint, hint, think McKenzee having anal sex with the big lug.

Second scene has an identical type busty blonde played by Briana Blair, only she's in France humping authentic French performer Denis Marti, who also deposits cum on breasts. Before you can doze off, the third lass Miko Sinz also gets a breast creamsicle, this time from Charles Dera, and the "switch" here is that in Japan he assumed Miko was a local, when in fact she's from Seattle, with no accent, but a very pretty face. (Look her up in IMDb to see her actual checkered ancestry and long list of consistently lousy credits).

The breasts are neglected in the final segments set in Italy and Switzerland, but they're as dull as what came before. This is filmmaking directed by a sleepwalker, 100% mechanical and relentlessly boring.