Astéroïde

When the sun converts to a magnetar for a short time, the planet Mercury is thrown out of orbit (along with a spaceship exploring it) and set on a collision course for Earth.

I am officially declaring Paul Ziller the king of the 21st Century B-Movie Directors, taking the crown away from Fred Olen Ray and Jim Wynorski (who shared it). His output of "Ice Quake" and "Stonehenge Apocalypse", among others, suggests he has mastered the end-of-the-world science fiction film.

This film goes above and beyond the sheer level of scientific nonsense previously seen in the movies. The Sun being turned into a magnetar? A space shuttle exploring Mercury (apparently today, not in the future)? A pirate radio reaching a space craft when no one else can?

And then you have the special effects, which rank among the other SyFy films for the worst (though I caught hints that maybe they are getting better). Throw in multiple action scenes with guns and knives (who knew that being an astronomer was so exciting?) and you have a Ziller masterpiece.

I admit my bar wasn't that high. After all it is a made for TV, low budget, SyFy movie. I am willing to forgive mediocre FX and CGI - after all our expectations for those things has been raised to high art thanks to all the big budget flicks out there. I am willing to suspend disbelief in order to enjoy a decent action or science fiction story. I don't mind chuckling at cliché plot devices when they're tongue-in-cheek. I happily do these all these things when a film is so unbelievably bad that it becomes an unintentional comedy. This movie does none of these things for me. For a science-based plot the writing can't pass even a cursory understanding of a grade 9 curriculum. Not in one instance or two but over and over and over again. The effect was akin to being grabbed by the cranium and shaken violently out of the story so that you are left staring at all the other otherwise forgivable weaknesses and amateurish plot devices. I have seen worse movies, though only a few, and I now add this to the list of bad movies that make the mediocre ones much more enjoyable by comparison.

A very strong "electromagnetic radiation spike" rocks a small space crew from Earth as they fly around Mercury and the Sun. This event, which isn't at all clear until later in the running time, appears to morph into a video screen in the classroom of professorial Kirk Acevedo (as James Preston). He lectures about an asteroid potentially causing devastation and destruction on Earth. In the sparsely attended lecture hall, his students appear bored. Note, the mysterious opening event appears to be a tape Mr. Acevedo screens; it is not, the incident really happened. This incident causes Mercury to leave orbit and head toward Earth. Moreover, the incoming planet is magnetized, causing objects to fly into the sky. Acevedo would like to stop the collision, but his "Project 7" has been defunded...

Acevedo's wife Diane Farr (as Victoria "Vic" Preston) is on board the opening space ship. His bespectacled sidekick Adam Greydon Reid (as Matthew Keyes) makes a good impression. Helping are tech-savvy student Chad Krowchuk (as Christopher "Chad" Weaver) and cute companion Jessica Parker Kennedy (as Brooke Adamson). Ryan Landels' story kindly avoids the overused asteroid hit and hearkens back to a 1950s "worlds collide" plot, with magnetism added. Alas, the budget and schedule don't allow for much adherence to what might really happen. The scenes at a government facility are director Paul Ziller's highlights, with those transparent columns we see moving across the screen. The man special effect is the dependable but lamentable "shaky camera" technique.

**** Collision Earth (3/26/11) Paul Ziller ~ Kirk Acevedo, Chad Krowchuk, Diane Farr, Adam Greydon Reid

I usually make an effort to be fair with ratings, review writing and summaries, but I make exceptions that are so bad they make me angry instead of laughing about how awful it is. Collission Earth isn't perhaps the very worst of SyFy's movies, but I do think it is down there as one of their worst. Some of their awful movies, and in all honesty it's too many to count, do have some novelty value, but Collission Earth doesn't even have that.

Visuals: Not the worst asset, but that doesn't mean they're good. The scenery is shot in a dull look, and the editing is haphazard in alternative to slick and efficient. The special effects are simply put, bad, fake rather than realistic and cheap rather than lavish. Again like I have said a few times, I get that it's low budget, but that still doesn't excuse not putting enough effort(or I don't think so anyway) into them.

Music: Nothing special. Forgettable and sometimes overbearing, with tempos and rhythms that actually feel as though they alone are slowing the film down.

Script: Quite possibly the worst asset. So much cheese in the dialogue that even the biggest burger bap wouldn't cover it, and aimless exposition that not just slows the film down but has you reaching for the remote. That's not all. Like Earth's Final Hours and SyFy movies with numbers in front(2012: Supernova), Collission Earth is full of scientific errors. Scientific errors so vast and so inexcusable(detailed brilliantly in one of the previous reviews) that even the worst scientist in the world would fall into a coma thinking about them.

Story: Almost as bad. Sluggishly paced, full of clichéd situations and hopelessly predictable in that you do have a pretty good idea what is going to happen next.

Characters: So bland that by halfway through I still didn't care a tuppence about them. Also not that much different than the typical stereotype that litter and in most instances plague SyFy's resume.

Acting: Nobody seems to be really involved. Even when somebody tries to bring some life(and you'd be lucky to find even that), it feels overdone and unnatural.

Overall, a terrible movie and intelligence- insulting. 0.5-1/10 Bethany Cox

How do you describe this film? Agony. Stupid. Dumb. Amateurish.

First, it takes place in a time when we have a space ship exploring Mercury. And we have a gigantic ship in orbit capable of creating a giant magnetic pulse. Yet is is set in the present, with flip cell phones and old cars. There was no attempt to set this in the future. Why? I guess it would have been too expensive.

Second, the story is just dumb. Mercury has been thrown out of orbit and it is heading towards Earth. Some former scientist who has been fired by the government, who's wife just happens to be on the ship around Mercury, has to save the planet, even though he is being hunted by the government.

Third, the special effects are not even as good as in the 1950's B films. Green screen shots that are so obvious that a third grader could do better.

And finally, the acting that is, well, again, a third grader in a school play would be better.

Enough. I am angry that I wasted the 90 minutes watching this thing and the 10 minutes writing this review. Save yourself. Turn your TV off and just stare at the blank screen for 90 minutes. You will enjoy that more.