Toolbox Murders 2: Coffin Baby

Horror sequels or sudden additions nobody asked for usually don't go so well- especially if the base film is something not many would consider memorable. But when you combine this with zero story, zero reasoning, we get a movie like this that feels like and makes us feel zero care.

Usually these gore-hound or torture porn films don't feature much in the realm of story or plot, but take that a step further and you've got this film, where zero things that usually would matter exist. Character development, establishing scenes, information? Nope. We get thrown into this .. ordeal from the jump, and the movie wastes no time with throwing us into plenty of other pointless things too. When you reach midway, toward the end, it becomes known 1000% the ideas, care.. or writing is gone. This film has no payoff, nothing new to offer, other than some brain cells lost, or the new sense of confusion, growing with every new minute you waste in this. Some small bit of substance could've made a difference, even by a small bit, that is, if any effort was put toward that.

If you came for mindless gore or flat out action, there's some effort toward each, and that's about the only credit I could find for the two stars given in the score. Even with this being said, the gore and effects truly were not the best, as it lacked and even seemed a bit subpar, feeling more like random excuses for filler or random scenes and occurrences just because. Tension proves low, with the exception of a time or two actually managing to capture attention involving a feeling other than confusion.

As mentioned prior, around the mid to end of this film, all hope was lost. The film takes a strange and completely out of place turn with religion, and you read that correctly; the ending, sudden and jarring introductions and everything you see before your eyes, to me, felt rushed, forced and even more confusing than the rest of this film and the random occurrences that led, creating a tedious new flow.

If you want to watch a sequel that sustains absolutely nothing new, really interesting or exciting, while throwing different bloody scenes at your face with zero context or plot, this will easily do it for you! But if you're wanting NOT to waste your time, watch another gorehound flick, it won't be much different. But it'll surely be better than this Hollywood deep web home-video.

For the last 10 years or so, there has been an emergence of films that fall under the "Rob Zombie" brand of movie-making, brazenly dedicating themselves not to story, plot, effective special effects or even shock, but instead focus themselves on a simple depraved formula: blood, pain, gore and torture.

There is really precious little that this film offers besides blood, pain, gore and torture. For the first half of the film, it barely even offers that! The acting is hamfisted at best, the filming is barely above amateur. Something vaguely resembling a plot is inserted at various parts of the film, but is so poorly conceived that it is hard if not impossible to follow. And if I could follow it, it's so idiotic that I wouldn't want to believe that any movie maker would be so simpleminded as to think that this would make a good film.

The makers of "Coffin Baby" make the mistake that ALL of the makers of these types of films make: they fall in love with their villain. He's so scary and evil, faceless and effective, completely psychotic with just a hint of intelligence. The Devil's own precious baby boy. He'll scare people! And so that is what the movie is about, the villain.

The only problem is that this particular sort of villain has been used time and time and time and time and time(x700 million) again. It's not original, and has never made a good movie. If the villain is not interesting, then the movie fails to be interesting. And guess what! This villain is a thirty-and-a-half foot drop below interesting.

I was bored throughout.

Ok, I enjoy a well made horror film but I am not above an all out gore fest now and again. This film is not a great example of a horror film. Most of the acting was sub par the two well known stars had barely more than cameos. The star of this film is American Makeup And FX they provided the SFX which were abundant and well done, mostly. Yes, we have seen this plot bled to death ( pardon the pun ) and the characters were, well, not very likable. It was enjoyable to watch each of them get jacked up. Enjoy this film for what it is, a gore fest.

Where to start with this one? The story. Well there really doesn't seem to be one, it is just a hotch potch of gore, (The gore is pretty nasty - I'll give it that.

The acting, well 1 out 10 for that too, pretty bad really, none of the actors had any character, probably didn't help that the plot, script etc. was terrible.

The more I watched, the worse it got, it is just a mess really, I cannot imagine why anyone would think that this was worth making into a movie in the first place.

Give it a wide berth, not worth wasting 90 minutes of your life on.

This is about a serial killer connected to some gruesome Hollywood murders in the 1950's and in the present day. The movie begins in black and white in 1958. First we see some burial places and a newspaper on the ground sensationalizing a Hollywood murder. Then a Bogart-like cliché or simulation in trench coat and hat (whose face we never see clearly) lights up a cigarette in the dark to cool jazz. He starts walking down a dark alley, makes a left, there is a white flash and he's now on Hollywood and Vine at night, present day, and the film switches to color. Heading in the opposite direction he passes a young woman (Model?) who the camera is following from behind. The hottie pauses looking somewhat confused, then turns around to find that Trench Coat has disappeared. She continues on her way while Trench Coat, who has reappeared, watches her.

After her sister is brutally murdered a woman is kidnapped (From a police car!) by a man in a trench coat and crude black mask with eye holes and mouth hole. He takes her to an abandoned building and locks her up in a large cage with bars like a jail. At this point the movie starts to chronicle each day that passes. You know, "Day 1", "Day 2", and so on. Each day and number is accompanied by a short burst of old black and white pictures of murders and documentation. What for? -I dunno.

The killer never did anything to the kidnapped woman that CLEARLY explained to me why he kidnapped her. It seems it had something to do with her baby. Perhaps too, he wanted an audience? I say this because from where she was being kept she could see him when he hauled in another victim. As well, she could see his well lit "work area" with all it's frighteningly crude instruments of dismemberment, evisceration, and decapitation. This was conveniently also the kitchen area. I know because at one point (after Day 13 when she was capturing and eating cockroaches) he offered his captive SOMETHING fried up in a skillet. We know what that was. Thigh of girl. Still alive, by the way, as he cuts portions for cooking. Nevertheless, it had to be a step up from the cockroaches, I say. Maybe I'm grossing you out, Reader. But if you had to choose?

In this movie some scenes, performances, and genre seemed incongruous. At one point, for example, the killer cuts off a woman's hand. Then directly after, we see him disposing of a dismembered "foot" in a furnace. I, and you, would have expected to see the hand he just cut off. Because of the bad acting on the part of the key players and bizarre story the movie came across as a "dark comedy". This includes the kidnapped woman, the killer, and the unconvincing police detectives. The guy playing the cop who had to tell the woman about her sister did a first-rate job of acting, though. So much so that I had to wonder what he was doing in this thing. Bruce Dern appears later as a "captive ghost" high on religion whom the kidnapped woman must help liberate along with a little ghost girl. Bottom line: Do I recommend it? Well if you're a film student and you want to learn what not to do, I say "yes". As well, if you're one of those eclectic "movie nerds" you might wish to add this to your collection. The rest of you I gather have lives so I say "no". Love, Boloxxxi.